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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638640">When Earth Turns to Ashes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasswarrior/pseuds/Sasswarrior'>Sasswarrior</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Burning World [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brotp, F/M, Ship, cresswell, kaider, kinder - Freeform, marissa meyer, otp, rampion bros, space bros, the rampion crew - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:13:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,588</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasswarrior/pseuds/Sasswarrior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Selene always had a darkness about her-almost as if her shadow was a living being there to torture her forever."</p><p>Cinder Linh has been on the run since she was seventeen- but from what? Will her past ghosts catch up to her after a near fatal accident, or will another person mysteriously die by the choking inferno of flames?</p><p>Kaito Crown lives the most ordinary life of best friends, school, and a future forced upon him. But will that change when he saves a mysterious girl from a burning car? Will he be able to help her, or will he become another one of her victims?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Crescent Moon "Cress" Darnel/Carswell Thorne, Crescent Moon "Cress" Darnel/Linh Cinder, Iko/Linh Cinder, Kai/Carswell Thorne, Kai/Linh Cinder, Linh Cinder/Carswell Thorne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Burning World [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>When the world turned dark</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She set herself on fire</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just so he could find her</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And help her fight the monsters</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-SW</em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>The darkness swallowed her whole, like a night creature reaching out from under her bed to drag her to the depths of Hell. Inky tendrils clawed around her limbs, binding her for her next round of torture. </p>
<p>Her eyes felt like hollowed graves; empty, dark, and awaiting death. The blackness swirled around her body so thick that even her screams went unheard. All senses seemed to have abandoned her except for the pain.</p>
<p>The pain encompassed her body in wracking waves of agony. All was hot and cold at the same time. Flesh ripped apart, only to be mended more painfully. Tar-like liquid spilled from her veins to soak her flesh, and then spewed from her mouth like metallic fire.</p>
<p>Nothing in this lightless world made sense. She seemed to die- only to be save and brutally tortured again. Her flesh was soft, but somehow indestructible. The screams within always reverberated inside her head and being, but never escaped to fill the world with something more than blackness.</p>
<p>She wanted to die. She wanted the entire thing to end. She no longer wanted to be saved from the nightmare, but killed. Because she knew that if she was saved, she would never forget the pain and darkness. She would never truly escape from this world.</p>
<p>Fire burst forth in the darkness, brighter than the living sun. It happened so quickly that she didn't even realize that the fire had come- not from an outside source- but from her own skin. </p>
<p>Flesh burned bright, dazzling the darkness with the sparks of color and warmth. Rainbows danced forth, but not without the consequence of charred black ash.</p>
<p>She no longer screamed as her entire body began to crumble. She had become a girl of fire. A girl of color. A girl of cinders and ashes.</p>
<p>People whirled around her, magically appearing and laughing at the black quickly eating away at her body. Women pointed cruelly while men doubled over in laughter. Children watched in menacing awe at the vibrant firework that used to be a girl. No one stopped to help her. No one heard her cries. No one saw <em>her</em>, but only the bright flashes of color radiating from her skin.</p>
<p>Burning rage flooded the girl, and her fire grew brighter with the injustice. Suddenly, the people were no longer laughing or pointing. They were running, fleeing from the tornado of flames. Some got away, while others burned. Their screams were different from hers, filling not the air but her head. Their agony was her own, but the pain was something that she had grown accustomed to.</p>
<p>Cracks splintered her ashy skin. Rivers of fire were exploding from within. She was a collapsing star, and her whole body was about to combust into a black hole and swallow the world of darkness and fire.</p>
<p>There was no pleasure in the screams. No enjoyment in the pain. No mercy as the girl exploded, turning Earth into ashes.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Flames</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soft dawn light stung her eyes as though the angels of Heaven were reaching down to giver her a kiss. Her legs were tangled in the sheets from her fitful nights rest. Her breathing came in dragging gasps, and her heart attempted to fly to a new home. Sweat stuck at the back of her neck. Cinder felt the nauseating urge to vomit, but suppressed it.</p><p>Throwing herself out of bed and glancing at her clock, Cinder let out a sigh. She was awake thirty minutes before her alarm would go off. It wasn't as if she needed an alarm. Her nightmares were abrupt enough to awake her.</p><p>Cinder tiptoed around her apartment. She had it all to herself though it was tiny. Her bedroom was barely large enough to hold her bed and the side table to it. Her single bathroom contained a shower so small that turning within was a struggle. And her combined kitchen and living room had only a tiny fridge, microwave, counter with a stool (for eating at) and a broken up desk and chair in the corner.</p><p>Still, Cinder would choose this life of loneliness over any life with her foster family- of endangering her loved one's and even her enemies. Living with the Lihn's had been a nightmare all by itself. They had never loved her or cared about her in the slightest. The only reason they had taken her in was for financial benefit and to have a servant to do all their dirty work.</p><p>That's why Cinder had left them. Well, that and another reason. She couldn't stand to think of what had happened back in High School. Back in Olympia. What she had done. What they had done to her. How she had realized she wasn't safe around people.</p><p>Stepping into her warm shower, Cinder quickly washed herself off. It was the best way for her to wake up completely. It was the only place where she could cry and let herself drown in the memory of her dream.</p><p>The dream. The one that occurred every night to torture her. The one that left her sleepless. The one that served as a reminder that she was completely and utterly alone. The dream that reinstated the warning that she was not to love anyone else for their own safety.</p><p>Sometimes Cinder wondered what it was like to dream of something good. Maybe have a dream where she had a friend, or even fell in love. She had never experienced such a thing- had hardly felt love. She was alone in her own little world. Anyways, dreaming of good things may have been more tortuous than the nightmares. Living in a fantasy wasn't ever living after all. Or at least that's what <em>She</em> had all told her.</p><p>The new life that Cinder had started for herself was supposed to be different. She had wanted to be happy. To make friends. To enjoy her life. Two years later, and Cinder was still living in the same lonely place she had started at.</p><p>Every day was the same. Cinder would wake up at six forty-five (even though her alarm remained set at quarter after), eat, dress, and leave by seven forty-five. She would get to school at eight and go to lunch at noon. At one, Cinder would go and work at her mechanics shop until six and then go home. At home, Cinder would eat, do homework, finish a mechanics project, read a book, then go to bed at eleven. She had flesh and blood, but the rest of her existence was robotic.</p><p>Switching off her shower, Cinder got ready for her day. It wasn't as if she didn't like what she did. In fact, she loved working as a mechanic. She enjoyed going to school and taking a bunch of different classes. The things she did were what she loved most; but for once, Cinder would have loved to enjoy them with someone. She would love to share her jokes with a friend. Or go to the movies with someone she cared about.</p><p>Cinder shook the thoughts from her mind. Their was no point in daydreaming. She had to live her life. Take some chances. Enjoy what little she had. At least she was alive.</p><p>Grabbing her warmest winter coat and her keys, Cinder headed towards her car. It was ancient. A rust-bucket. But she had found it at the dump and fixed it up all by herself. It was months worth of late night hours and hard work. She was proud of the thing, even if it was a bit ugly.</p><p>Cinder plopped into the car, already beginning to shiver. Due to the age of the car, the heater no longer worked. She wasn't entirely used to freezing temperatures after growing up in the evergreen state. Snow was an entirely new thing to her, and the icy roads that came with it were frightening.</p><p>The drive to school wasn't a long one; it took only five minutes. She tried to turn the radio on, but only static came. Her thoughts would have to be their own music.</p><p>Old rusty hiccuped as Cinder turned up a small hill. She whispered words of encouragement to the car, firmly believing that it helped. After all, she had given the car life after death so she pretty much had a spiritual connection with him.</p><p>The downward slope of the hill made Cinder push on the brakes gently, and she managed to stay in control. Too bad the car coming towards her didn't have that same mastery.</p><p>A flash of red and a patch of ice. The sports car had lost control on the ice and had come into Cinder's lane. She swerved her own rusty dino of a car in an attempt to avoid collision, but the ice kept her trajectory on track. Cinder began to panic, and time seemed to slow as the two cars collided with a deafening crunch.</p><p>The impact of the red car shoved Cinder's car into a spiral that led towards the edge of the road. The whole world stopped for a split second as Cinder looked down at the cliff-like slope fast approaching her. </p><p>Then she fell off the edge.</p><p>Cinder rolled for what felt like an eternity, screaming, wishing that it would just end. Her seatbelt kept her firmly in place, even as the roof of the car began to cave in. She wondered if she would be crushed to death, or if it was possible to die from fear or nausea.</p><p>Finally, after an eternity of tipping end over end, the car came to a stop. Unfortunately, its final resting place was on the driver's side, preventing Cinder from making an escape. She let out a sob and sat for a moment, thinking on what to do next. She felt as though every bone in her body was broken, and her head seemed to be floating away.</p><p>Her poor car would be ruined forever. After slaving over its repairs and saving up to buy new parts, it was all over. The thought of getting rid of it made her heart ache, and Cinder realized that she was more attached to her car than to any person alive.</p><p>Swallowing her sadness, Cinder tried to escape with all her might. Her seatbelt wouldn't budge, seeming to have jammed and keeping her prisoner. She couldn't get out. She would just have to wait for someone to rescue her. But who would? No one had ever helped her. No one was coming for her now.</p><p>That's when she noticed the odd smell that seemed to be emulating from the engine. She knew what that smell meant. Years of working as a mechanic had trained her to prevent that smell.  She watched, horrified, as the front of the car lit on fire. Cinder began choking as sobs overtook her, along with the thickness of the smoke. The irony of her name was not lost on Cinder.</p><p>The memory of fire sent Cinder's brain into panic mode. It was almost like she was seventeen again. Like she was tied up again. Like she was being tortured again. Then it was a six-year-old girl watching the flames choke the only person who loved Cinder. Then she was thirteen, watching the boy be swallowed whole. The last was the young girl, peaceful as Cinder screamed her name through the smoke. The trigger made it even more impossible to think.</p><p><em>Smoke, smoke, smoke</em>. It was all she could see, besides the red and orange flames from whence it came. Her car had become a tornado of smoke, and Cinder remained in the eye of the storm.</p><p><em>Smoke, smoke, smoke</em>. It was all that she could breathe, all that she could feel. It was everything, and everywhere, choking the life from the living.</p><p><em>Smoke, smoke, smoke</em>. She would die in its wispy depths, as the light ate every inch of her being. She would never know anything other than the hazy swirls of death. It was like her dream come to life. Like a memory come back to haunt her.</p><p>Flames began licking her body, starting at her left leg. Cinder didn't even have enough air to scream as her body roasted with a fire as intense as the sun. No moisture remained in her to cry. This would be her end, she could not escape from this.</p><p>Conflagration swallowed her flesh in bright sparks as the light traveled up her body. Oddly enough, Cinder began to relax; the pain was easing, leaving her with the need to go to sleep.</p><p><em>Just close your eyes, </em>whispered a voice inside her head.</p><p><em>Just go to sleep. </em>Cinder smiled at the voice. She wanted to go to sleep, she would. It didn't matter anymore, the flames could eat her. She could be filled with it's smoke, turning her into ashes, just as long as she could go to sleep.</p><p>
  <em>Bang</em>
</p><p>Cinder opened her eyes, but couldn't see due to the smoke. The sound's continued, but Cinder couldn't remember where she was. She tried to yell at the voice, trying to convey that she wanted to be alone; that she wanted to go to sleep.</p><p><em>Bang</em> </p><p>
  <em>Bang</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bang</em>
</p><p>The noise brought her back to her hazy presence. She was dying in a flaming car. She was drowning in smoke. Something was trying to break the car down. Was someone actually coming for her? She tried to scream, to let them know that she was there, that she needed rescuing, but nothing came out except for a scratchy moan.</p><p>The glass on her window shattered, but Cinder hardly noticed. Glass sprayed her smoldering skin, but was drifting away. Her entire body seemed to be filled with smoke and the memory of nightmares coming from the hollowed grave of her own mind.</p><p>Hands grasped Cinder. Panicked words spoken from another filled her head, but she was too far gone to comprehend them. A knife was pulled out and began cutting her free.</p><p>Flames. Their beauty was beyond compare, and so was their destruction. They could easily be the end of the world. So quick, so ready, and always hungry.</p><p><em>Hell must be beautiful,</em> Cinder thought. If all was covered in the blazing orange and red, it must be something to look at, despite the pain it brought. </p><p>Her savior cut the final bit of the seat belt and began to drag her from the car, but Cinder didn't care. The entire world could be ending and she wouldn't care. She was on the edge of all reality. She was on the edge of living and dying, but none of it registered.</p><p>Broken glass scraped her flaking skin as her rescuer pulled her from the destruction. She wheezed as her lungs tried to claim more than smoke. She felt light-headed as she looked up into the eyes of the person who had saved her. They were a coppery brown color. They reminded her of the dying embers of a fire.</p><p>She gazed into those eyes, so full of concern. She realized that the person's lips were moving. They were trying to communicate with a corpse. The world was ringing in a high pitched scream. Her eyes were stinging. Her head was floating. The world was ending, and the last tunnel of her vision were those copper eyes; before the world stopped spinning, and all was black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Angel of Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The crisp happy music thrummed in a chirpy harmony through Kai's ears. A smile lit his face as he opened his eyes and gently turned off his alarm clock. The smile remained as he turned on his favorite rock playlist and practically danced around his shared apartment. He even managed to smile as he read the morning news off his phone and ate his favorite breakfast of <em>Cocoa Puffs</em>.</p><p>It's not as though Kaito Crown was always happy; he just normally was. He loved going to school at the nearby university. He had aced all his business classes, due to the fact he had been trained since birth to overtake Beijing Empire. He was close with his dad and loved working with him. His life was great- no, it was <em>perfect</em>.</p><p>Kai had been raised in wealth. His father was the most proclaimed business man throughout the entire world. His mother had been a fashion icon that outshone all others. Kai himself was loved and known by everyone. The fact that he was smart and handsome didn't help his case.</p><p>A moan escaped the nearby room, and Kai laughed as he watched his best friend stumble out of his room and into the kitchen. Kai had known Carswell since they were in the first grade. Both came from well known families and had attended the same private academy in California. </p><p>"Did you rest well, Sleeping Beauty?" Kai raised an eyebrow. Thorne threw a laser beam glare back.</p><p>"Have you ever considered turning the music down? It's only seven in the morning for stars sake, and not all of us are morning people." Thorne retorted, plunking down in the seat across from Kai with his cup of coffee.</p><p>"Well, I'm sorry that you're cranky. Are you fighting with Kate again?"</p><p>Thorne tensed up at Kai's words. "Oh," Kai sighed. "I'm sorry, Thorne."</p><p>"It's alright, Crown." Thorne smiled, tight lipped. "It was bound to happen eventually. It's just like my father said, I'm 'toxic' when it comes to relationships." He air-quoted with a scowl, and Kai grinned at him.</p><p>"Hey, you've kept me around for what- sixteen years?" Thorne rolled his eyes at Kai's words.</p><p>"Yeah, that's only because I can't seem to get rid of you; no matter how bad of a friend I am."</p><p>Kai stood from his seat, placing his bowl in the empty sink. "Cheer up, little toxin. You'll find love eventually." Kai picked up his backpack and began to walk out the door, just as Thorne called out to him.</p><p>"How'd your date go last night, since we're talking about my sad love life."</p><p>"Oh, you know," Kai shrugged, wrapping a scarf around his neck. It really wasn't that cold, as Thorne like to remind him, but Kai was a wimp. "She was nice, <em>really</em> nice, but not the one. Red heads aren't really my type." </p><p>Kai had a great record in school. He was great at making friends. He was seemingly the most outgoing person alive, but he could never seem to get a girlfriend. It wasn't like he didn't have dozens of girls stalking him and wanting to go out with him. He just had never found one that understood him.</p><p>"Don't worry, mate," Thorne bowed in front of him, looking goofy in his plaid robe. "You'll find her someday."</p><p>***</p><p>The December weather had brought ice to the roads, causing Kai to change his regular course to school to a backroad, but Kai was having a blast as he drove to school, while belting "Sweet Caroline" at the top of his lungs. He was right behind a really old and rusty Chevrolet Cavalier- the color of dirt- waiting for the light to turn green.</p><p>Finally, it did, and the old Chevy began to move forward. Kai waited a second, before following behind it, not wanting any surprises from the piece of junk. The drive was nice and breezy, and Kai hardly hit any ice. The song changed, and on came "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by <em>Pat Benetar.</em></p><p>Kai sang along, enjoying the chorus. He loved listening to songs in his car. He loved the feeling of singing until his lungs burned, but his father had told him that he sounded like a dying peacock at a young age, so he only sang when he was alone.</p><p>The chorus was playing a final time, when out of the blue, a red sports car slammed into the old Chevy. The crack of sound that cut through the air was deafening. Time seemed to slow down, and Kai watched in horror, as the Chevy in front of him tried to stop sliding, but the propulsion and ice made it impossible.</p><p>Kai slammed on his brakes, and came to a complete stop- just in time to watch the dirt colored car fall off the road, and roll down the hill. It rolled for what seemed like a lifetime, and Kai wondered if whoever was in there would live. He finally understood the expression "watching a slow-motion car crash." It was terrifying.</p><p>An eternity later, the car came to a stop at the bottom of the slope. The red sports car had stayed on the road, but was crunched in the front. Kai got out of his car, and walked over to the red car, ears ringing.</p><p>The drivers side was a wreck, but the woman sitting there was alive. She had dark auburn hair, and a tearstained face. Her entire body was shaking horribly and her door was jammed. The airbag was deflating, and Kai could tell the lady was crying, but he couldn't quite hear. The noise had all become one high pitched note that seemed to forever echo throughout his head.</p><p>Kai walked around the car to the passenger's side. The door opened easily, and Kai began speaking to the woman. He motioned for her to climb out of her vehicle, before anything else happened, and she complied.</p><p>Everything seemed so easy. Sure, this woman was in shock, but she was still able to get out of her car by herself. Kai had just pulled out his phone, to call the police, when a spark of light caught the corner of his eye.</p><p>Kai practically threw his phone at the red car woman in his haste to run down the hill. How could he be so stupid? Obviously the car that had <em>rolled down a hill</em> would need help first! Kai mentally cursed himself for his idiocy.</p><p>Kai practically threw himself down the diagonal in his attempt to get to to old car, ignoring the cries of the woman behind him. The flames had started small, but were quickly climbing across the surface of the old rustbucket, their color brighter than normal flames. Kai could see that there was only one person in the car, but he couldn't tell if it was a male or female. They weren't screaming, which frightened Kai. Maybe they were unconscious, or maybe he was too late to save them.</p><p>The hill wasn't necessarily long, but it seemed so, as Kai raced down at top speed. Flames danced farther along the car, and Kai had the sickening feeling that they were eating the driver alive.</p><p>Finally, Kai reached the car. It was rolled onto the driver's side, so he knew he would have to get in through the passenger's side again. Kai tried to open the door, but it was jammed.</p><p>Cursing, Kai looked at the ground. He had his pocket knife with him, having been told from his boy scout master to always keep one on him. He couldn't use that to open the door though. Still scanning the ground, Kai's eyes landed on a rather large rock. He smiled, and knew that it would work.</p><p>Kai began hammering on the door with his rock. The glass began to splinter, and the sickening feeling hit Kai. How long would it take to break the window if rolling down a hill hadn't done it? He had to get that person out of there soon, or else they would either be engulfed in flames, or choke on the smoke. Kai was that person's only hope; he had to save them.</p><p>The glass seemed almost indestructible, but Kai somehow managed to shatter it all into a thousand pieces. Kai whooped with joy, and began climbing into the car.</p><p>That's when he layed eyes on her. She was beautiful, with flames surrounding her, casting a dark, protective shadow. Kai wondered if Hell had angels, and he knew that if they did, this is what they would look like. Kai internally slapped himself for thinking like that during a crisis, and tried to undo her seatbelt. It was jammed.</p><p>Not even checking to see if she was conscious, he pulled out his pocket knife. The blade was prime, seeing as Kai sharpened it once a month. He wasn't a crazy survivalist, or anything, but he wanted to be prepared.</p><p>Kai began sawing through the rough material, and it was much easier than breaking the window glass; though the smoke made it impossible to breathe. The threads came undone in less than sixty seconds, and Kai began to wonder if they could ever actually keep anyone safe.</p><p>Flames began to flutter across his skin, but Kai kept on sawing. He had to keep going, even if it meant he got a few burns. Kai knew that the girl was going to have it worse than him, and he had to save her.</p><p>The final thread snapped, and Kai grabbed the girl, before she could fall into the windshield. He tucked his knife back into his pants, and began to drag the girl's limp body away from the wreckage.</p><p>Kai climbed out backwards, trying to keep both hands on the girl. Glass cut deep into his skin and he winced. The smoke was suffocating him, and he began to panic. He gradually pulled his own body from the destruction, and only had the girl left. As gently as he could, Kai hauled the girl from the car, trying not to let the glass scrape her.</p><p>Kai tugged at the girl, and she finally became free of the Hell she had been in. The girl had her chocolate eyes open, but Kai could tell that she was drifting away. He spoke to her. Telling her to stay with him. Not to go to sleep, but stay awake, stay alive. He still didn't understand why, but he needed to save her.</p><p>He felt as though his life was connected to hers, and the only way to make it complete would be to save her. Her brown eyes locked on his, staring into what must have been his soul. He yelled, wishing he knew her name.</p><p>Her lids closed, and the finality seemed to hit Kai like a bulldozer. He ran up the hill, the dying girl still in his arms. He had never run so hard in all of his life, his lungs burning from smoke and exertion.</p><p>By the time Kai had climbed to the top of the hill, he could hardly breathe, yet didn't care. The smoke was gone, but he knew that it would stay within him for a long, long time.</p><p>The red car lady was sprawled across Kai's car, tears running down her cheeks. She was still shaking, though Kai was not surprised. He himself was in shock due to the event that had played before him.</p><p>She still had his phone in her hand, and Kai wondered if she had called the police. Kai marched straight for the woman. "Did you call the police?" Kai yelled. His hearing had come back to him, but his ears were still ringing slightly.</p><p>The woman nodded and then whimpered. She was she began sobbing hysterically, and Kai felt sympathetic. This woman had not asked for this, it was not her fault.</p><p>Kai then remembered the girl in his arms. She had also not asked for this, but look where she was. He set her down on the ground, not sure what to do.</p><p>That's when Kai caught sight of her body. She was burned along her entire left side. Her leg was charred black up to her knee, and the rest of her flesh was a raw red- with angry blisters already converging.</p><p>Kai began dry heaving at the sight and had to look away. How was this girl even alive? Was she even alive? Kai dropped down on his knees and checked for a pulse. He was met by a light, slow thump, and knew they didn't have much time.</p><p>The snow on the side of the road was crisp, white and clean. Kai walked over and scooped up an arm full. He wasn't a doctor, or anything, but Kai was pretty sure that it wouldn't do any harm to try and cool her skin down.</p><p>White soon covered the charred black flesh, but Kai still felt hopeless. He wished he could do more.</p><p>About five minutes later, Kai heard sirens. He jumped up, lifting the burned girl with him. The snow had melted on her skin, and drizzled off in dark flaking droplets.</p><p>Kai watched as the ambulances sped to a stop in front of all the wreckage. MD's immediately jumped out of the vehicle, pulling two stretchers with them.</p><p>People rushed over to the burned girl first, pulling her away, and into the first ambulance. They didn't even wait to check on her before loading her up, and driving away. Kai stood, still shocked at how fast they had worked.</p><p>The rest of the attendants checked the red car lady, and pulled her onto the second stretcher. A woman came over to him, and began asking him questions. He couldn't speak. The world was going at one hundred miles an hour, and he couldn't grasp anything.</p><p>Kai fell to the ground, clutching his head, trying to get a grip, but he couldn't. The woman shouted over her shoulder, and hands lifted Kai up on another stretcher. He began to feel dizzy, wondering where he was.</p><p>Medics rushed around him, pushing him into the ambulance. Kai smiled. He had always wanted to see the inside of one of these when he was a kid. The vehicle began to move, and Kai laughed. His eyelids began to droop, and Kai's last thought before drifting off were of the beautiful Angel of Hell.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Hot Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The light flooding into Kai's room stung his eyes in an unnatural way. It was too bright; too crisp... unnatural. Daring to open his eyes, he stared at his room, wondering what kind of prank Thorne had pulled on him now. It wouldn't be the first time.</p><p>During their first week of being roomies, Thorne had somehow snuck into Kai's room while he was sleeping and covered the floor in red plastic cups. It had taken much longer than you would think to get out of the mess, and Kai had barely made it to class on time.</p><p>Kai had also played pranks on Thorne, but they weren't nearly as massive or creative. He had zip tied Thorne's scissors and dipped onions in caramel, but never come close to an epic prank. For instance: Thorne seemingly able to move Kai into a new bedroom. Kai was a heavy sleeper, but this place looked awfully similar to a prison.</p><p>No; Kai had never actually been to prison, he had just been obsessed with the documentaries in his adolescence. The room was too clean and tidy, and Kai was beginning to wonder where the heck he was, until it all came back.</p><p>Drowning in the memories and sudden pain, Kai gasped. The crash, the fire, the girl burned alive. Kai coughed, his lungs still burning from all the smoke inhalation. He looked down at his arms to see bandages covering them, and knew he had some gnarly burns underneath.</p><p>There was an IV in Kai's arm too. Most people would try and yank theirs out, but Kai was too squeamish. So he sat there, and waited. And waited. And then waited some more. It was agonizing to stay there, and Kai wondered if anyone even knew he was there. Maybe he would have to yell for help or press a mystery button.</p><p>After Kai had become an old man, a nurse came in. She smiled when she saw him and Kai smiled back. He usually received this reaction from females he encountered. Kai had always had a few women chasing after him. His mother had constantly told him that it was because he gained his looks from his father.</p><p>The smile slid off his face like jelly at the thought of his mother. He tried not to think of her, but it was hard. When she had died, Kai thought his entire world would end. It was the one period within Kai's life where he hadn't been happy.</p><p>The nurse walked over to Kai, and he read her name tag; <em>Nainsi</em>. She was a pretty woman, with dark hair pulled into a knot at the top of her head, a kind face, and a curvy profile.</p><p>Nainsi began questioning him on how he felt, and told him what had happened after the accident. Apparently, the red car lady's name was Levana Hayle. Her story was that her car had slipped across the ice, though they would need a statement from Kai, once he had recovered. He was the only witness at the site of the accident.</p><p>The other girl didn't have a name. Well, she obviously had a name, but she was in a coma, and her fingers were so burned that they couldn't get a readable print. They had taken her license plate in and were expecting to get a name within the next hour.</p><p>Kai felt relieved with the knowledge that the burned girl was alive. Nainsi told him that they were quite certain that she would live, but she would have to lose her left leg from the knee down, and wouldn't have any feeling along her whole left side.</p><p>Burn girl was still in operations at that moment, and wasn't expected to be out for at least another half hour. They didn't know how many surgeries she would need in order to go back to an almost regular life, but the doctors thought it would be best to start with the big stuff.</p><p>Apparently, Kai had only been out for less than an hour. Nainsi told him that his body had gone into shock, and decided it would be best to reboot. He only needed to stay in the hospital a few more hours, before he would be cleared to leave, though he was expected to make a statement with the police later. She also told him that his father was going to come and visit him shortly.</p><p>Kai nodded as he tried to grasp all the sudden information. The angel would live. Kai would be free to go in only a few hours. His father was coming.</p><p>That last part surprised Kai. It's not like his father wouldn't come see him in the hospital, but Kai would only be there for a few short hours. He hadn't been the one in the accident, he was perfectly fine. Well, except his lungs, and his arms, but those would heal. It wasn't like he was getting his leg amputated.</p><p>Suddenly, Kai began to panic. What would become of the poor burned girl? They couldn't identify her, and what if they never could? Would her family be worried and come to look for her?</p><p>"Will they be able to find the girl's family?" Kai asked Nainsi. She paused in the doorway, looking at the floor with a somber expression. The look told him all that he needed to know, but she told him anyways.</p><p>"The people here are really good at identifying those in accidents. We don't normally have people this bad though, and no one has come looking for her yet."</p><p>Kai nodded his head, and Nainsi walked out of the room. It didn't matter. Sure, he had saved the girl, but she wasn't his problem. They would find her family, and they would save her. She would carry on her life just as before. Kai had done his part, he could be done with the mystery girl.</p><p>Thinking about never seeing her again made Kai feel queasy. He didn't know why, but he felt oddly responsible for her. He sensed a connection between them; as though he knew the girl from another life. He wondered if they were connected by fate, or if maybe he was still crazy from shock.</p><p>The thoughts that consumed him twisted his mind into near insanity. Kai wondered if he needed to be knocked out again. He tried to will himself into unconsciousness, whispering words of complete gibberish.</p><p>"The doctors informed me that your mental stability was top notch," a familiar voice drawled. "But you seem kinda whacko to me."</p><p>"Hey, Thorne." Kai smiled. His best friend was a constant happiness in Kai's life. Whenever he fell down, Thorne was always there to pick Kai back up. They were closer than brothers.</p><p>Thorne sat down in the chair next to Kai's bed. He bit his lip out of nervous habit. "You sound like crap. You also look like crap. What exactly happened, Crown?"</p><p>"What do you mean?" Kai sat up, his arms stinging beneath the bandages.</p><p>"The accident, Sherlock. What exactly happened? Who's at fault? Why are you all burned?"</p><p>Kai launched into the story. How he had been behind the ancient Chevy. How the red sports car got caught on a rough patch of ice and slammed into the dirt colored car. He explained how he checked on the woman, Levana, first, then saved the angel from the fire. Thorne looked dumbfounded at Kai's stupidity.</p><p>"I know, I should have gone down to other car first. It was stupid. I don't know what came over me." Kai put his head in his hands. His insides squirmed with guilt.</p><p>"It's not your fault." Thorne whispered. "You were in shock. Most people wouldn't have even done what you did. I wouldn't have."</p><p>Glancing over at his best friend, Kai saw that he wasn't dumbfounded, but in awe. "Of course you would." Kai said. "If you had seen it, you probably would have been sensible and gone straight to burn girl before the fire even started."</p><p>"Was she at least hot?" Thorne asked, changing the subject.</p><p>"Thorne-"</p><p>"I mean," Thorne place his hands on his knees, an evil grin consuming his face. "I know that she was burned alive, but are her looks-"</p><p>"Thorne!" Kai exclaimed, mortified. Thorne looked pleased with his little joke. Kai prepared to chastise him, but before he could get to it, another familiar figure walked in through the door frame.</p><p>"Dad?" Kai questioned, even though he knew it was in fact his father.</p><p>"Hi, Rikan," Thorne saluted to him, standing from his chair. He winked at Kai, whispering something about letting them have a moment, and then rushed out the door, patting Rikan on the shoulder.</p><p>His dad walked to his side and sat down in the chair Thorne had just abandoned. A look of concern was plastered on his face. "Oh Kaito, they told me that you were in an accident, and that a car rolled down a hill, and that there was a fire and people might have died! I was worried sick. Are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything?" Rikan gushed.</p><p>Of course the hospital had given his father mixed details. Rikan had thought his son had been in the actual car accident, not just a measly bystander. He thought his car had rolled down that hill and caught on fire. That's why he was terribly worried. It didn't help that his father was overly protective as well.</p><p>Kai sighed. "No, dad, I'm fine. I didn't get in a car accident, I was just a witness." Kai paused, then chuckled. "I'm only here because I went into shock and passed out!"</p><p>Rikan did not look convinced as Kai continued to laugh hysterically. "You weren't in the car crash? Then why do you have all those bandages, and an IV? Why does your voice sound as though you rubbed a cheese grater down it?" Kai's father challenged.</p><p>"Oh that." Kai looked down, face solem. "The woman's car that was in front of me rolled down a hill and caught on fire. I may have pulled her out, and I may have inhaled a lot of smoke. That's all." Kai shrugged.</p><p>"Oh, that's all now, is it?" Rikan laughed. "You have always been ever so humble, Kaito. Of course only you would rescue a girl from dying and state it quite lamely. My stars," Rikan's voice was filled with pride as he clapped Kai's shoulder. Pain rushed throughout Kai's arm, but he hid it. "You're a good kid, Kai. You always have been. You'll do the company so much good someday. Better than I ever could."</p><p>Kai beamed at his father's words. It's not like his father hadn't paid him a compliment before, but the words were always nice to hear. The only thing he had ever wanted in his life was to make his father proud, and he would die a happy man if that was his only accomplishment in his life.</p><p>"Thanks, Dad." Kai grinned, and his father nodded back to him. Rikan stood from the stool and made to go, but turned before exiting.</p><p>"Kaito?" Rikan asked, his face scrunched up in confusion.</p><p>"Yes dad?" Kai said in return.</p><p>His father smiled, and shook his head. "Kai, I know you're a great kid, but what you did today, that was something most people would never have the courage to do. You are far braver than I will ever be. Remember that." Rikan said, and then left the room, leaving Kai with his thoughts.</p><p>Kai didn't feel as though his actions were brave at all. They seemed like the ordinary thing to do, and he couldn't imagine not have rescuing that girl. It was like his second nature had kicked in, and he hadn't even thought before entering that burning car.</p><p>Before Kai could think more about his actions, Nainsi entered back into the room, nearly running into the doorway in her rush. "What is it?" Kai asked, his thoughts quickly switching to the girl. Was she okay? Had her surgery become more extensive? Was she still alive?</p><p>Nainsi was panting heavily, but smiled. "It's her. They know who she is."</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Emergency Contact</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Let me out of here!" Selene screamed. Her voice was beginning to fade into a hoarse whisper from all of her yelling. The smell of smoke filling the room wasn't helping. Her head was starting to swim. She couldn't see where the smoke was coming from, but then again, she couldn't see anything.</p><p>Memories of flames and screaming and ghosts filled her head. The smoke sent panic down all of her nerves. Who would <em>She</em> hurt next?</p><p>"Please," Selene sobbed in panic. "I'll do anything. Just let me go!" Laughter echoed from the other side of the door. Selene curled into the fetal position, crying into her knees. Her eyes burned, her throat stung, her head throbbed. She felt as if she were about to die.</p><p>When Selene had been grabbed around the waist in the middle of the hallway and dragged into an empty room blindfolded, she had thought that it was just a mean prank. She had assumed that someone was just teasing her, and that it would end. Now she knew better.</p><p>"Why are you doing this to me?" Selene whispered, more to herself than to the others. It wasn't as if she needed the extra torment. She got enough of it at home. She got plenty of it from herself. Why did her peers need to do it as well?</p><p>Someone seemed to be talking to Selene from the other side of the door. Selene tried to listen, but her consciousness was fleeting. She caught only the last bit of what they were saying. "... by the time we're done with you, the only thing left over will be cinders."</p><p>Then Selene blacked out, the words of her tormentors still echoing within her mind. </p><p>***</p><p>"Who is she?" Kai questioned, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He wanted to know who this mysterious girl was, and why she haunted him. Why he felt such a pull to her, even though he only met her that day, and in a burning car at that.</p><p>Nainsi walked towards Kai and sat down on the stool beside his bed. "Her name is Selene Lihn, according to the license plate record." She panted while placing a hand on her chest.</p><p>"And?" Kai said, impatiently. He wanted to know who she was, and a name certainly wasn't enough.</p><p>The nurse frowned, all cheerfulness forgotten. "Well, that's about it. She is nineteen years old. Goes to school at the nearby community college. Has a mechanics job. She has no family, no friends, no emergency contacts. She's lived in Foster Homes since her mother was imprisoned when she was six, but never seemed to stay in the same spot for long. The final family she lived with tried to adopt her, and that's why her name is Lihn. They cut off all ties with her though, after she ran away at seventeen. She has no connections." Nainsi looked down at her hands, tears visible in her eyes.</p><p>Kai shifted, unsure why Nainsi was so upset. They knew who she was, and they could save her. The girl, Selene, would be able to go and live her life. "What?" Kai questioned, "What are you upset about? We know who she is. Someone will want to help her, I know it."</p><p>Nainsi looked at Kai, a single tear tracing down her cheek. "Kaito, you don't get it. This girl, is going to need months, maybe even years of rehab. We already have a tissue donor set up, so that will help, but she is going to need a lot of help, and medical attention. She needs so much, but has nothing. She doesn't even have an emergency contact. Selene has <em>nothing</em>." She swiped her hands through the air for emphasis. </p><p>Suddenly Kai also felt sorrowful. He didn't even know why. This girl was no one to him. He had never met her, and yet he felt an unexplained sadness on her behalf. "I'll be it," Kai whispered, and Nainsi gave him a questioning look.</p><p>"You'll be what, exactly?" Nainsi asked, tilting her head to the side.</p><p>Kai sighed. "I'll be her emergency contact."</p><p>Nainsi froze, before smiling. "You will?" She asked hopefully, as though expecting him to change his mind. Kai nodded, before grinning back. It felt good to help this girl, and he really wanted to. He still felt that odd connection towards her, and kind of wanted to figure out what it was. There was a reason why he had been on that road today and hopefully he would figure it out.</p><p>The nurse stood and squealed, back to her cheerful self again. Kai laughed, and could tell that Nainsi was a good person. She cared so deeply for a girl she had never spoken to, and had a great capacity for compassion. </p><p>Kai always liked to analyze how well people were suited for their jobs. He loved to hear how they came to occupy them. He enjoyed learning about people; how they thought, their passions, and everything in between. He wanted to learn more about Nainsi, but her hopping steps proved that she was a woman with a mission.</p><p>"Great!" Nainsi exclaimed. "I'll go and tell Dr. Tanner to put Kaito Crown down as the emergency contact. Thank you so, so much!" Nainsi leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek, before running out of the room.</p><p>Kai smiled as he sat there. Nainsi's joy was practically contagious, and the thought of helping Selene made Kai feel happy.</p><p>***</p><p>"You sure you feel well enough to stand?"</p><p>The new Nurse was beautiful, with dark skin, gold eyes, and bright blue hair, set in braids. She had come in and introduced herself as Iko, telling him that Nurse Nainsi had finished her shift and gone home.</p><p>Kai still lay prisoner to his bed, tortured by his thoughts. He wanted to know more about Selene. He wanted her to wake up so that he could meet her. But most of all, he wanted to get out of the stupid hospital.</p><p>"Yeah," Kai nodded, "I feel super." And he really did. He had rested all day, and Thorne had even brought him ice cream- which obviously makes everything better. His head was still a little bit fuzzy, but that was nothing after a cold shower and a good night's rest.</p><p>Iko smiled, her whole face brightening. "All righty then, I guess you're cleared. We'll just need you to fill out some paperwork, and you're going to have to go to the police station to make a statement, but that can wait until tomorrow."</p><p>Kai nodded, but waited for her to say more. She didn't.</p><p>"So..." Kai cleared his throat, "Am I going to hear more about Selene? Will you guys call me when she wakes up? Am I allowed to visit her?"</p><p>Iko's grin broadened, but in a devilish sort of way. It confused Kai, but he was more concerned about his question. "Ah, of course you're worried about the girl. I was with her earlier, right after her surgery. You must be pretty fond of her, no?" Iko winked at him, but it was full of innocence and teasing.</p><p>Laughing nervously, Kai explained. "Um, no. I mean- well, yes. It's kind of complicated. Anyways," Kai cringed inwardly at himself. He needed to get it together. "Will I..."</p><p>Wiping the smile off of her face, Iko nodded politely. "Yes, you can visit her once she's steady. We'll contact you when she is awake, or if there is something to be alarmed about. Since she has no family, and you are her emergency contact, you might be in here a lot."</p><p>Kai put a thumbs up, nodding his head. He was fine with coming to visit Selene and help her. Heck, he would be fine with helping her pay her medical bills, seeing as how there would be many, what with all the extensive surgeries she would have to go through.</p><p>A sad smile came onto Kai's face as he remembered another person who had been forced to stay in the hospital. One who had, however, been sick with an untreatable cancer and forced to wait until death claimed her, while staring at the bright walls. Walls that made you think of life, not the opposite.</p><p>Kai had been only twelve when his mother had passed away, leaving him and his father alone. He was fine now, nearly ten years later, but the memory still stung.</p><p>It had all happened so suddenly. One day his mother was taking him to the park and singing his favorite songs with him; the next she's in a hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines that Kai couldn't hardly see her. It was a heartbreaking experience that Kai never wanted to relive.</p><p>At least this time, Selene would live. He could help her, and watch her heal and recover. He would not have to watch another person die.</p><p>Suddenly, Kai felt exhausted. He wanted to take a nap, to stop thinking about the past, and visit the world of imagination. Iko seemed to sense this as she gazed at Kai, a skeptical look on her face.</p><p>"Mr. Crown, would you like to stay here for tonight? You look rather drowsy." Iko questioned, tilting her head slightly. Her blue hair tumbled around her face, making her golden eyes shine like stardust. </p><p>Kai rubbed his eyes, but smiled. "No, thanks. I'll just call my buddy to pick me up. It's not like I can drive home anyways. I don't have my car."</p><p>Iko's mouth went into an O-shape as she seemed to realize his logic. She nodded slightly, then began to retreat out of the door, before turning around to face him again. "Will you be needing a phone?"</p><p>It took Kai a few moments to register her question, but realized that he did need to borrow a phone, due to the fact that it was in his car, which was who knew where. Kai nodded, and Iko departed from the room.</p><p>Kai leaned back, pressing his head against his pillow. He closed his eyes, thinking of nothing but the cool blackness that surrounded him. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, feeling as though he could pass out on the side of a highway. He didn't even notice as he fell into a deep sleep.</p><p>Then Kai was back in the hospital; except now he was twelve years old again. He stared numbly as the doctors disconnected the tubes from his favorite person in the whole world. He watched as they covered his mother in a white sheet and wheeled her away forever.</p><p>White turned to black, and Kai was standing over a coffin. He didn't quite understand why, or how he had gotten there. People milled about around him, buzzing with gossip. He tried to grab someone, to get them to look at him. The he realized that none of them had faces.</p><p>Panic gripped Kai. He didn't know where to go or who to talk to. He tried to find his way back to the coffin- seeing that it was his only landmark. It only took seconds for his eyes to find their mark. Moments later, he let out a scream of terror.</p><p>The coffin was open, but his mother was no longer inside. He could remember the paleness of her skin and the thick inky-black hair that rested on her head. The person who now rested in the coffin was quite the opposite. She was beautiful like his mother, but had brittle and far fairer hair with tan skin. Her features were sad, and her entire left side was burned and charred. </p><p>Kai grieved at the sight. Not only was his mother gone forever, but this girl- sad and lonely- had replaced her. He didn't quite understand how someone could get such extensive burns, or die so young. </p><p>Tears rushed down Kai's cheeks, and he was no longer twelve, but twenty-one. This girl was no longer a stranger, but Selene Lihn. Her burns weren't a mystery, but a memory. She wasn't a sad story, or a tragic accident. She was a person who had needed saving. She was a girl all alone; but Kai hadn't been able to save her. And it was all his fault.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Human Error</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mr. Crown!" Lights burned Kai's eyes as they shot open. His arms stung and his eyes were wet. He didn't recognize his bedroom- and maybe that was because it wasn't his bedroom. "Mr. Crown, wake up!"</p><p>Kai stared up at Iko, his nurse. Her golden eyes shone bright in contrast with her dark skin. Her blue braids bouncing as she skipped towards Kai.</p><p>"You lazy slug, wake up!" Iko shrieked, losing the formality. Kai longed for ear plugs. He wanted to sleep, but knew that it would be impossible with Iko freaking out.</p><p>"What do you want, Iko?" Kai rubbed at his eyes. His aura seemed distressed; he had had a bad dream. He knew from experience. But he could never seem to remember them when he woke up, leaving him to wonder what terrible torture his mind had come up with. Was it his mother? Was it drowning in the ocean? Had he been kidnapped? Kai would never know.</p><p>Iko rolled her eyes at him, but smoothed down his covers with a motherly sort of affection. Another pang in Kai's heart. "Mr. Crown, it's Selene." She didn't elaborate on her statement.</p><p>Panic- like Kai had never felt- burst from within. "What happened? Is she okay? What's going on?" Kai leapt from his bed, shoving the sheets into a whirlwind of mess. Iko grabbed him around the shoulders to stop him, and he winced. The burns he had weren't too bad, and the worst of it were on his forearms. However; it still hurt to have Nurse Iko's maniac grip digging into his tender pink flesh.</p><p>"Sorry!" Iko exclaimed. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I need you to calm down. Let me explain." Kai sat, his hands twitching and heart hammering. "Selene is stable and ready for visitors. Do you want to-"</p><p>"Of course I want to see her! Let's go!" Kai hopped from the hospital bed as if it were on fire. He grabbed his nurse by the hand and she laughed, a beautiful rich sound, as he dragged her into the hallway.</p><p>Three wrong turns and five near collisions later, and Kai was standing in the severe burns ward outside of Selene's door. His heart hammered with excitement- but also nervousness. He began to fear what was on the other side of the door. How would she look after nearly being burned alive?</p><p>"Don't be scared." Iko squeezed Kai's hand comfortingly. He grimaced at her. "It's never pretty, but we've had a lot worse than her. She's lucky to have such amazing care. The skin transplant helped with the worst of it, Dr. Tanner and Dr. Benoit are the best of the best."</p><p>Kai nodded his head, turning the knob on the door at the same time. He felt hopeful but never released Iko's hand. She would have to be his anchor during this.</p><p>Immediately the stench of burned flesh beat Kai backwards. He felt sick, but continued forward. He stepped forward and saw the girl whom he had saved. Iko patted him on the back comfortingly before leaving him to check the monitor standing beside the bed. So much for being his anchor.</p><p>Selene's hair had been burned shorter in some parts, certain chunks only reached her shoulders. Bandages covered her skin, and through the sheer sheets Kai could tell that one leg ended a foot shorter than the other. Kai's own burns throbbed in empathy, and nausea clouded everything else from his senses. He needed to get out. He needed to be away from the reminder of his mistake.</p><p>Rushing from the room, Kai fell in the hallway, dry heaving. He covered his eyes, pressing his palms into the sockets hard. Iko came out of the room, kneeling beside him. She patted his back, telling him that it would all be okay, but Kai knew that it wouldn't. This was all of his fault. He needed to get out of the hospital before he lost it.</p><p>"Iko," Kai panted, unable to catch his breath. "Iko, I need a phone."</p><p>***</p><p>"It's all my fault." Kai wept into his hands, no longer caring about appearances. He was sitting in a twenty-four hour service café with Thorne, swirling a mug of cocoa with a spoon. He had called Thorne after seeing the damage his slow actions had caused. Thorne had come immediately, not caring that it was six in the morning- which was true friendship.</p><p>Thorne set down his own mug of coffee, rubbing his eyes. "Kai, buddy, this was not your fault." Thorne rarely called Kai by his first name.</p><p>"But it was!" Kai threw his hands in the air. A sob escaped him, and he didn't even care as the few waiters and waitresses stared at him. "I was stupid, and left her there to burn. I may as well have lit her on fire or chopped her leg off. <em>I </em>did this to her!"</p><p>"If you really believe that, then you're stupid." Thorne picked up a bagel and munched on it, as though he didn't have a single care in the world. "She doesn't deserve what happened to her, but it's not your fault, Kai. Aces, it wasn't even that Levana characters' fault. No one could have helped this situation."</p><p>Kai hiccuped and stared at his own blueberry muffin with disdain. He didn't have much of an appetite after all he had seen. "But I could have gotten to her before the fire started. I should have gone to her first. I could have-"</p><p>"Okay, let's clear up the could-have-would-have-should-have's, okay?" Thorne put up a hand to stop Kai's rant. "You're not superman. You're not Mr. Incredible. You are human, and with that comes human error. You don't get to be perfect, and if the girl blames you for what happened, that's her problem."</p><p>"But I could have done better." Kai whimpered.</p><p>Thorne sighed, slightly annoyed. "Okay, here's a different analogy. You're Batman." Kai perked up a bit; Batman was his all-time favorite superhero. "In 'The Dark Knight' the Joker kidnaps both Rachel and Harvey. Batman wanted to save Rachel- he should have, but he was tricked. He saved Harvey instead, and felt terrible about it forever and never forgave himself."</p><p>"Yes, it would have made more sense to save Selene first, but you were in shock. You went for the other person- your brain tricked you- and Selene got hurt for it. The whole ordeal sucks, but you can't change the past. You might as well stop beating yourself up over it, because it's <em>never</em> going to change."</p><p>Kai bit his lip and nodded. Thorne's speech made him feel a little bit better, but not much. His guilt ate at his insides, but Thorne was right; you couldn't change the past. But he could make the future, and he could still help Selene. </p><p>"I think..." Kai picked at his muffin absentmindedly. "I think I'm going to try and contact her Foster Family. See if I can find anyone who knew her. I don't want her to be alone. " Kai's voice cracked on the last word. He didn't know what it felt like to be completely alone. He always had his father and Thorne and Torin and dozens of other people who would look after him. He had the world, and this girl didn't even have a thought from another person. She deserved to have the love of her family or someone who knew and loved her.</p><p>"That's an excellent idea, but I thought the family didn't want anything to do with her." Thorne reasoned, stealing Kai's muffin. He ate half of it in a single bite, and Kai stared in awe. Thorne, as always, was the pessimist. Kai would just have to talk to them. How could anyone refuse to help another person after they nearly died?</p><p>Determination swelled within Kai's heart. He had a goal, and when his mind was set, he could accomplish anything. "I'll make them come to reason."</p><p>***</p><p>The casket was too large for someone so small. The day was too bright for something so sad. Not enough people had come to say goodbye to a person so wonderful. Everything was wrong, and Selene couldn't do anything about it.</p><p>Flowers rested in abundance around the grave. Selene wished that she could change the past. She wanted to save her sister, but it was too late- and it was all her fault.</p><p>She should have called for help sooner, but the shock of the entire situation had thrown her off. If she had only payed more attention. If only her senses hadn't frozen up. If only she could have saved the girl who had treated her like family.</p><p>"Why are you even here?" Selene spun around. Her gaze was met by her other sister. She looked down. "You're the reason why she's dead. You killed her." Pearl Lihn snarled at Selene viciously. Her heart twinged, knowing that she was right.</p><p>"I- I just w-wanted to say goodbye." Selene stuttered, pushing down the tears. Pearl herself didn't look upset, but that may have just been the anger consuming her features. "I loved her just the same as you."</p><p>Pearl scoffed. "Please, you don't even know what love is." She bared her teeth like she was going to bite Selene. "How could you? No one has ever loved you. That's why no family would keep you for more than a couple of months." The words were like a knife in the gut. They were confirmation of all that Selene had always thought.</p><p>No one had ever wanted Selene. She wasn't a troublemaker- or at least she didn't try to be. Trouble just seemed to follow her in the form of a ghost, and people seemed to have a hard time accepting that. The Foster Homes were hard, but constantly jumping from place to place for over ten years was rough on a person.</p><p>"I would feel bad for you, but I can now I can see why no one would ever want you. You're a horrible, cruel monster. You killed my little sister- and for what? She never asked for it. She was only a child, but you killed her." Pearl grabbed Selene with both hands, digger her nails ravenously into Selene's arms and breaking the skin. "You're a monster; incapable of love and never to be loved. I hope you're happy, because you're never going to have anyone. You'll die alone someday, and no one will ever mourn your death."</p><p>Blood pooled from tiny crescents in Selene's skin. Pearl tilted her head at the marks, smirking in appreciation of her work, before walking off to join her parents. Selene didn't even wipe the blood away, because she knew; she deserved all the pain in the world.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Dust and Ashes and Cinders</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Burning wings fluttered to no avail. Screams pierced the air with an agonizing ferocity. Flames licked at golden skin as the angels fell from Heaven and into the gaping jaws of Hell.</p><p>Dozens of the majestic creatures fell; the gradual descent causing their lovely features to turn impish and cruel. Feathered white wings turned to scales of black; the skin of shimmering gold shriveling into wrinkled gray tinged red; eyes of the purest summer's day transformed to a forest fire. It was both marvelous and shattering to watch.</p><p>The burning Hellfire- which should have consumed them- embellished their features into something near glorious. The flames licked their skin and caused it to glimmer instead of burn.</p><p>Heaven's clouds of ultimate glory began to close, allowing but one last angel to crash down to Hell. This final angel, however, did not change as she fell. Unlike her brothers and sisters, the angel's godly splendor increased into something more beautiful than man was worthy to behold. This angel was neither of Heaven or Hell, for She had been dragged out of Heaven against her will.</p><p>The angel continued to fall, but not to Hell- for the gates to fire and smoke had closed just as sure as the entrance to glory. The fallen angel was stuck in the middle. <em>Earth</em>.</p><p>Fire and glory consumed the angel, though no visible harm showed upon her skin. Tears flooded from her large earthy eyes and down her golden skin. She did not scream like the other fallen angels had, for at least they had a place where they were meant to live.</p><p>But this angel belonged to no one- she wasn't wanted by anyone.</p><p>***</p><p>Sweat still cooled the back of his neck, even as Kai walked into the Hospital. It was two in the morning, but family, doctors, and nurses still buzzed inside the white walls. Kai wasn't surprised. He remembered living in a different hospital for weeks while waiting for the passing of his mother.</p><p>It had been nearly a week since Kai had last come to visit Selene. He hadn't known whether or not he could stand to look at her, but he could no longer stay away- not after his dream.</p><p>Kai never remembered his dreams. He had been jealous of Thorne for having such exotic dreams for years, but maybe there was a reason for why he usually forgot. The dream he'd had was far too terrible and upsetting.</p><p>Kai had promised himself that he would do everything in his power to help this girl. He had kept that promise, but perhaps not in the way he should have. Kai had made a statement with the police. He had visited with Levana. He had taken care of her financial problems, but there wasn't a single day in which Kai had sat by her side and been there for her. He had left her all alone. He was a coward.</p><p>After seeing Selene for the first time since the accident, Kai had become sick. Guilt ate at him every time he looked at her mutilated flesh and lack of a limb. He had been so selfish; but he was ready to put that past him.</p><p>The extreme burns ward stank in a sickening way. <em>You can still leave</em>, Kai thought. <em>She's in a coma; she won't know that you've been here. </em>Kai hated himself for thinking it, but he couldn't help it.</p><p>Pushing past all the fear and guilt, Kai opened Selene's door. Immediate relief filled him at the mere sight of her. Already her skin was healing over, the skin grafting making her skin look patchy instead of bloody and charred.</p><p>Kai plopped down in the seat next to her bed. He hesitated, but grabbed her right hand- the one that wasn't burned. She looked peaceful and serene as she slept. Every care in the world had been swept away, if only for a few more days. A pang hit Kai's heart as he remembered the angel, knowing that it had been her.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Kai spoke to her. "I, um..." Kai turned to look at the doorway, but it remained empty. "I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you. You're all alone, and I let my own self pity and guilt keep me away, and I hope that you'll forgive me."</p><p>No response came, but Kai felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. "I got most of your affairs sorted through." Kai smiled, rubbing the back of her hand. Her palms were rough, and it must have been from her mechanics job. The backside of her hand, however, was soft and smooth. "I talked to Levana. She's the one who hit you. She feels terrible- maybe even worse than I feel."</p><p>A pause. For some reason, Kai kept on expecting her to talk to him. <em>Stupid</em>. "She was driving to visit her step-daughter. She just had a baby, but it's hard for her to take care of her. The daughter- Winter- has schizophrenia. She has these episodes where she thinks she's frozen or that her house is pooling with blood. Anyways, Levana was going down to help because Winter's husband was gone. He's a doctor and studies schizophrenia in hope for a cure. They were childhood best friends and he promised that he would help her. He loves her <em>that </em>much."</p><p>A warm fluttering filled Kai's chest. He wasn't entirely sure why he was telling Selene the story, or why Levana herself had told <em>him</em>, but he couldn't help it. He was a hopeless romantic, and the fantasy of someone loving another person that much filled Kai with unexplained joy. Thorne always teased him about it, but Kai couldn't help it.</p><p>"Anyways, Levana feels terrible about the whole thing. I heard that she's come to visit you a couple times even. She ran into Thorne one of the times." Thorne, unlike Kai, had visited Selene multiple times, though it was due to Kai's request. He had visited her three times, reporting that she looked even more hot every time he saw her while Kai sat in the hall outside her room trying not to cry. Kai hoped that he would not try to make a move once Selene woke up.</p><p>"I hope that Thorne hasn't bugged you too much. I told him just to come in and check on you, but he probably told you some terribly inappropriate jokes instead." Kai chuckled. "Sorry about him. His heart is in the right place, at least.</p><p>"I'm going to try contacting your family today. Well, Foster Family. I don't really know if it counts, but I bet they still love you." Kai cursed himself. He didn't want to give her false hope. Or himself for that matter. He had no clue of her backstory or why there had been a falling out. He had always had a happy family, and it was unfair to assume that hers was the same. "I bet that they'll come for you." Kai amended.</p><p>"I bet that I can even convince them to come down for your birthday." Kai winked, though there wasn't really a point. She couldn't see him. "I know that you'll be turning the big double decades in a week and I think that I'm gonna throw you a party."</p><p>Iko told him that small detail. She even mentioned that Selene should be able to be at home by that time as long as she had daily hospital visits.</p><p>"Selene," Kai covered her hand with both of his own. "I know that I don't know you at all, but I feel like some part of me does. Maybe it's because I dragged you from a burning car and have talked only complete nonsense to you since. Or perhaps it was fate. I don't know. You probably don't even believe in that kind of crap anyways."</p><p>A tugging sensation in Kai's gut urged him onward. "When I met Thorne, my best friend, we just kind of clicked. I knew that he would be my best friend, even before we talked to each other. I could be crazy, or sleep deprived-" Kai glanced at the clock on the wall.. "-but I think I'm supposed to know you."</p><p>Kai pulled Selene's hand up to his mouth and placed a tender kiss on it. He used to do this with his mother, while she was obstructed with machines and tubes. "Thank you for listening to me, Selene. I'll be back soon."</p><p>And Kai knew with a surety that he would.</p><p>***</p><p>The stench of smoke consumed the dark room, but the presence of the substance no longer remained. Selene's lungs burned, and her eyes stung, but at least she could breathe.</p><p>A light flashed on above Selene's head and she closed her eyes with a wince, blinded. A headache throbbed behind Selene's eyes, and the light made it ten times worse. "Wake up, you piece of crap." A kick landed in Selene's side. She let out a yelp, but that only earned her more abuse.</p><p>"Please stop." Selene begged, something she hated. She had begged for her mother not to leave her, but nature did enjoy the suffering of orphans. She had begged to stay with the Kesley family, but they hadn't wanted her. She had begged for Peony- the only person who had ever treated her like family- to stay with her, but she had left. "<em>Please.</em>"</p><p>A strong arm grabbed Selene under the armpits, dragging her off the floor. Selene opened her eyes, just as her body was placed in a plastic school chair. Four people surrounded her, all familiar, but only three expected. The fourth caused a stab of betrayal within Selene.</p><p>"Why are <em>you</em>-"</p><p>"You know why we're doing this to you, Selene." Barked Sybil Mira, but that wasn't what Selene had been asking this time. She knew why they were doing it, but not why her best friend was. Sybil glared, her dark hair contrasted horribly with her honey skin and storm colored eyes. The black spots dancing across Selene's vision weren't doing much to help her case.</p><p>"You did a terrible thing." Sneered Aimery Park. It was funny to hear him accusing her of doing something bad after all the torment he had given to dozens of girls. "You killed Peony, and you're going to pay for it."</p><p>Selene glanced down at her feet. It was true; she had done something terrible. She was the reason why Peony had lost her life, and she deserved whatever came next. The only thing that she regretted was that her only friend had turned on her as well. She was the only girl who would talk to Selene, and it went the same for her. They sat together at lunch and did group projects together, and had even spent some time together outside of school together. But that had all been before the accident.</p><p>Pearl walked in front of the other three, dragging her nail viciously across Selene's cheek. "When we're done with you, you'll be nothing but dust and ashes and cinders."</p><p>Selene stared into Pearl's dark eyes fiercely. She was not about to play the docile girl who would get kicked around. Yes, Selene had made a mistake in letting Peony grow attached to her, but there was nothing that would fix it. They could do whatever they wanted to her, but Selene would never accept that it was right. Because it wasn't.</p><p>The final person came to stand in front of Selene. Her presence made Selene ache. She was the only one here who could truly hurt Selene. She would be the one to destroy her.</p><p>Selene waited for her best friend to say her piece. The girl hesitated, and for a second Selene thought that she looked regretful. There was a shot of pain in the blue eyes, and she was twisting her fingers in her hair out of nervous habit.</p><p>"You deserve this, Selene. You deserve the darkest and most fiery places of hades domain." Whispered the familiar voice. A single tear slipped from the girl's eye. Selene visibly flinched at the words. It hurt to know that her best friend would tell those who wanted to hurt her exactly how to injure her the most. </p><p>Selene hadn't meant to kill her sister. It had been an accident, and even the paramedics claimed that there was hardly anything she could have done differently. Selene blamed herself, but not in the same way Pearl did. She hadn't meant to do it, and she had thought her best friend would understand that.</p><p>Anger bubbled beneath Selene's skin. Hatred filled her; she would no longer beg to these monsters, but take her punishment. They could do anything to her, but in the end, she wouldn't waste another thought on them- they just weren't worth it.</p><p>"I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure that place is already reserved for the four of you, <em>Cress</em>."</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Loner Loser</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And how did you get locked into that classroom, Miss Lihn?" Principal Strom stared down at Selene, his eyes empathetic and kind. Selene wished to tell him, but it hurt too much to admit the betrayal of her best friend.</p><p>"I, uh- I accidentally locked it." Selene glanced down at her shoes, her stomach churning with guilt. "I don't really know how. Someone might have locked it earlier and I just shut it."</p><p>Shrugging her shoulders, Selene continued the lie. "I passed out because it just had this horrible stench of smoke. I think some kids were smoking in there before me, because it was awful." Selene wrinkled her nose at the memory of the real smoke and how it had made her feel. "I have these really bad allergies and don't do well with smoke. Or cotton, for that matter." Selene coughed for special effect. She was a master liar.</p><p>Principal Strom remained skeptical, his too big shoulders hunching as he analyzed her. "And you're sure that there was no... sabotage? Are there any students who may be out to get you? Have you been bullied at all in the past or present?" He was on to her, but there was no way that Selene was going to let him get her.</p><p>"Nope- I'm fine." Selene smiled her most brilliant smile. She was good at pretending. She was excellent at deception. She was clever and sharp as a knife- but that had never made anyone want to be her friend. She had a brain, but no one to share her witty jokes with.</p><p>"Well," Principal Strom sighed. He looked worn and tired, and Selene felt bad for the man. He tried so hard to do his job and help kids; but at the end of the day, he was still getting lied to. "I hope that you will report any behavior that is against school policies, especially bullying. We have no tolerance for it here at OHS. Have an excellent day, Miss Lihn."</p><p>Selene stood from her stiff seat, paying a brief goodbye. She knew that what Pearl and her cohorts were doing was wrong. They were terrible people- monsters even. She hated them all, but some small part of her couldn't tell the Principal; because she couldn't bring herself to believe it had actually happened.</p><p>Cress Darnel was supposed to have been her friend. She had been the only person to stand by Selene after Peony's death, but times change. She must have been the one to tell Pearl and her friends her fear of fire.</p><p>No, Selene wasn't scared of what Pearl and her cronies would do to her. She was used to pain and heartbreak- but betrayal was something entirely new to her. Selene had never opened up enough to a person to allow such a tragedy, and admitting it would hurt her more than any physical wound.</p><p>Selene had lost too much in life, but losing her friend to betrayal was the ultimate tragedy.</p><p>***</p><p>The buzz of a telephone over one thousand miles away tickled at Kai's ear. It had taken him only a few hours to locate the Lihn's phone number and only a few more to figure out what he was going to say. By now, it was nine in the morning.</p><p>He had checked everything, making sure that it would all be perfect. The time zones had only an hour difference and it was a Friday morning. No one should yet have left for work. It would all be perfect.</p><p>"Hello?" Said a voice from the other end. It sounded young and feminine.</p><p>"Hello," Kai said in his chipper voice. He had only slept for an hour and a half, but he felt more awake than ever. "My name is Kaito Crown, and I was hoping to speak with Garan Lihn."</p><p>Silence followed, and Kai wondered if the girl had hung up on him. "Hello?"</p><p>"You can't speak with my father." The girl's voice was angry- defensive. "What kind of sick prank is this?" The girl sounded upset now, and Kai felt bad even though he didn't know what he had done wrong.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Kai cut in quickly, before she could call him out for anything else he hadn't done. "Who is this?"</p><p>"Pearl Lihn." The girl- Pearl- huffed.</p><p>"Well, Pearl, like I said, I would like to talk to your father on behalf of his ward, Selene." Kai stated patiently. He couldn't quite understand why Pearl sounded so annoyed at him, or why she wouldn't let him talk to her father. It wasn't as if he were trying to scam them or anything.</p><p>An agitated snarl sounded from the other end. The animal-like sound scared Kai into nearly dropping the phone. "What is your problem? Do you like causing people emotional pain, or are you just insensitive?" Kai flinched at her words. He had not expected such a retaliation to such a simple and easy question.</p><p>"I-I'm sorry." Kai stuttered the apology, a chink in his armor.  "I don't mean to bring up anything upsetting. It's just that Selene has been in a terrible car accident and has suffered major injuries. I know that she's been estranged from the family, but I thought that you may still want to-"</p><p>"We don't want anything to do with that <em>monster.</em>" Pearl's voice dripped with malice. She was furious. "Not after everything she did to our family. She took away not one, but two members of this family. She's a menace to society."</p><p>Kai felt his breath hitch. He knew that many children in Foster Homes struggled and often rebelled, but this sounded serious. Maybe the girl he had saved was mentally insane, or had done something terrible to this family.</p><p>"If you don't mind me asking," Kai said, "What did Selene do to you?" Kai hurriedly explained himself, "I'm the person who pulled her out of the car. I never met her before the accident, and she's been in a medically induced coma for about a week."</p><p>Pearl sighed from the other end. She seemed to be more relaxed knowing that Kai was just a random citizen. "I'll tell you what happened only if you promise to leave my mother and I alone. She hates talking about these kinds of things. Her mental state is already terrible and I don't need it getting worse."</p><p>"I promise." Kai said, his stomach jittering with butterflies. He almost didn't want to know whatever Pearl was about to tell him, but he couldn't help himself. He was a curious person.</p><p>"My dad took Selene in when she was sixteen. He knew what it was like to have bad parents, though he had never been in a Foster Home. He really liked her, and decided to adopt her into the family. My mother was against the entire thing, and I agreed with her. The only person besides my father who wanted Selene was my younger sister, Peony. Funnily enough, they're the two who got the worst of it from Selene.</p><p>"Peony worshipped Selene. She thought that the sun shone from everything that she did. I despised her. Call it psychic abilities, but I knew that she was a rotten one. I did not expect her to murder my sister, however. I knew she was bad, but I didn't think she was so horrible as to murder a child. My sister was only fourteen.</p><p>"There was no proof that Selene did it, but everyone knew. It only took her a less than two months before she realized that no one wanted her anymore, and so she left.</p><p>"My parents had mixed emotions about her leaving. My mother was thrilled, and while my dad wasn't too fond of the thing anymore, he still wanted to help. My mom told him not to tell anyone that she'd run away. After all, Selene was almost eighteen. When Social Services found out that she'd run away and my dad hadn't told anyone, they were furious.</p><p>"My father was charged with child neglect for not reporting Selene's disappearance and being her legal guardian. He was sentenced to ten years in prison for not wanting to keep a monster in our house anymore.</p><p>"I hope that accident hurt Selene, because she ruined my life. My mother is destroyed because of what that fiend did, and left me all alone to pick up the broken pieces of my family. Don't call again." A dull buzz filled Kai's ears, and he knew that he would never speak to Pearl Lihn ever again.</p><p>***</p><p>Kai smeared ketchup onto his french fry, lathering it up until it was fifty-fifty ketchup to fry ratio. He hated eating naked french fries. Thorne, on the other hand barely tapped his three fries into his BBQ sauce. Kai didn't quite understand the sauce choice, but Thorne had something against tomatoes.</p><p>"So how did Selene murder the little sister again?" Thorne asked around a mouth of french fries. Kai quirmed at spotting the specks of food in his friend's mouth. He <em>hated</em> when people talked while chewing food.</p><p>Kai swallowed his single fry, taking time to answer by swigging his water. "Pearl didn't say. She just said that Selene killed her and then ran away."</p><p>Right after Kai's conversation with Pearl, he had called Thorne. The phone call had drained him and set his mind into panic mode. Kai had dished out the entire story to Thorne, who seemed to think of the entire thing as one fat joke.</p><p>"Great," Thorne deadpanned, picking up his burger. "You rescued a murderer from death. Maybe she'll <em>kill</em> you next." Thorne tilted his head downward in a teasing way, pointing a fry dramatically at Kai.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Kai began to dip another fry. "The thing is, I have a hard time believing it. I don't just want to condemn her for something another person thought about her. For all we know, maybe Pearl murdered the little sister and used Selene as a cover story."</p><p>"Too cliché." Thorne said. "But I do agree with hearing Selene out before judging her. This Pearl character sounds a tad bit biased."</p><p>Kai nodded his head absently, biting his lower lip. The phone call with Pearl Lihn had upset him more than he thought a phone call could. He didn't want to believe that Selene was a bad person, but something inside him yearned to learn more about the angel.</p><p>"I think I want to go to Olympia." Kai said, looking at Thorne to gage his reaction.</p><p>Thorne munched on another fry. "You must be getting overconfident with your looks then." Thorne said, his words mushed by food. "Because I'm pretty sure that girl would be more than happy to punch you in your perfect nose."</p><p>"I don't mean to visit the Lihn's." Kai corrected himself. "I want to talk to the school, or maybe even some friends of Selene." Kai had been thinking about doing this even before his phone call with Pearl. He wanted to understand the person he was now connected to.</p><p>"How do you know if she even has friends? The girl sounds like a loner loser to me." Thorne wiped his mouth with a scratchy brown napkin. Kai threw him a glare. "I mean," Thorne continued. "If she doesn't have any friends here after two years of living here, why would she have any up there?"</p><p>Kai had never thought about that before. He always assumed that there must have been somebody that cared about Selene, but maybe there wasn't. Perhaps she was more alone than Kai could ever imagine.</p><p>"Everybody makes acquaintances in High School whether they like it or not." Kai rubbed his eyes. He may have been energized during his call with Pearl, but getting no sleep the night before was finally wearing on him. He needed a nap.</p><p>"Alright then, Mr. Superhero. Fight valiantly, and die bravely. Go figure out your girlfriend's backstory. I'll stay here... doing nothing." Thorne sipped on his Coke, pinky up.</p><p>"Like you're getting away that easily." Kai smirked. "I need you to look out for Selene while I'm gone."</p><p>Thorne choked, spitting brown bubbles onto the tabletop. "No way. Aces and spades, I am not going to watch over your <em>murderer</em> girlfriend. I've sworn off all women, especially those who may want to hurt or kill me." Thorne shook his head adamantly. "You can go to Olympia and do whatever you want, Crown, but I have my own stuff."</p><p>"Come on," Kai pleaded, knowing exactly how to win this kind of battle. "I'll only be gone for a day or two, and all you have to do is talk to her for ten minutes. I just don't want her to be alone... again."</p><p>"I'm pretty sure she's used to it by now." Thorne said, earning a blazing glare from Kai. "But alright, I'll visit her."</p><p>Kai grinned at his friend. "Thanks, mate."</p><p>"Anything for my lovestruck idiot best friend." Thorne reached across the table, beginning on Kai's fries.</p><p>Kai swatted at Thorne's hand, but he had already stolen five of his fries. "I am doing you a favor though." Kai said.</p><p>"How so? I thought that I was the one visiting your murdering angel." Thorne guffawed, shoving all five fries in his mouth at once.</p><p>"Because, my dear friend," Kai simpered. "I think your lady charming skills needs some touching up. If anything, you're the loner loser, not Selene." Kai laughed, and Thorne glared.</p><p>Thorne stared at Kai's fries, a mischievous grin crossing his features. Kai yawned, stretching out his back and closing his eyes for a split second. By the time he looked back at the table, all of his fries were gone, and Thorne was laughing.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Incidents and Accidents</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rain poured outside of the school building, despite the fact that it was snowing back in Colorado. Olympia's weather was much more constant- remaining at a cool, rainy temperature year-round. Kai couldn't imagine living in a place where seeing the sun was an uncommon treasure. He needed sunshine almost as much as he needed air, but maybe that was just because he's grown up in constant sunshine.</p><p>The door to the principal's office swung open, and out stepped a large, smiling man resembling the Wolf on his door placard. Kai turned wary; he didn't much fancy going into a principal's office after all the time's he'd spent in his own.</p><p>It was always Thorne, coming up with a stupid plan and getting them sent to the principal. Kai tried fruitlessly to convince him to stop, but in the end they would always be back up in front of Principal Konn.</p><p>"Kaito Crown?" The man's voice came out as something close to a growl. "I'm Alpha Strom." Kai bit back laughter as the principal extended his hand politely- some things that hippies did. Kai shook the man's hand, and found that he had a pleasantly business-like firm handshake. It reminded Kai of his father.</p><p>"You can just call me Kai," Kai said. "Only my dad ever calls me that; and my old school principal."</p><p>A bark of laughter split the air, and the two grinned. "I take it you don't have fond feelings for your late principal, then?"</p><p>"No, I got along with him fine. He and my father were childhood friends, and he was like another parent to me." Kai thought back on Torin. He was a kind, wise man. He had been there for Kai every moment after his mother had died. "My friend was a major troublemaker, though, so I always had to go and talk with Principal Konn."</p><p>"Ah, I see how it is then." Principal Strom winked, gesturing for Kai to enter his office. "Come in and take a seat. I imagine that for whatever reason you're here, it's important."</p><p>"You have no idea." Kai muttered. He had planned what he was going to ask the Principal on his five hour flight to Olympia. He had brainstormed about it as he had tried to sleep in his hotel. He had thought about Selene, and how much she was counting on him- or maybe Kai was just counting on himself for Selene.</p><p>Strom walked around his large, beat-up desk to sit in a high-backed chair. The seating arrangement looked uncomfortable on his large frame, even though it would have drowned Kai. The room was plain, barren. The only decoration was a flag with the wolf mascot stamped across and the bold letters of OHS. "What would you like to discuss with me today then, Mr. Crown."</p><p>"Selene Lihn." Kai sat straight up in his chair, mirroring the man across from him. His father had taught him that presenting your best self was one's greatest asset in getting a business deal; Kai hoped that the same applied to gleaning information from an old High School principal.</p><p>"She went here about two years back, before-"</p><p>"Before she ran away." Principal Strom rubbed two fingers against the bridge of his nose. "I remember Selene. A brilliant girl with a tragic story."</p><p>Kai shivered at Strom's words. He didn't appear to hate the girl judging by his demeanor, but he may have just been good with facial masks. "Yes, you see, Selene recently got into a bad car accident. She lost part of her left leg and has severe nerve damage. I just- I'm trying to find someone who cares for her."</p><p>The principal stared at Kai, his dark eyes piercing. He was a kind man, but not one to be messed with either. "You may have a hard time with that," Strom said. "Before she ran away, she was constantly bullied, though she never admitted it- too proud to admit. All sorts of rumors were spread about her, and no one ever knew whether or not they were true."</p><p>"Were they about how she killed her sister?" Kai asked, his burning curiosity getting the better of him. There was something mysterious about the young girl's death. Something covered up and suspicious.</p><p>Principal Strom's face revealed nothing, but his hitched breath showed that the question was shocking. "Yes, they were about Peony Lihn."</p><p>Kai sat forward in his seat. "How exactly did Peony Lihn die? Do you know?"</p><p>"No one knows. No one except for the family- they were under strict orders to keep things related to Selene under the wraps until the final adoption papers were completed." Principal Strom looked grave. "Selene and Peony went somewhere; Selene came back alone. No one talked about Peony after that, except for the rumors that spread about Selene having killed her; most of them spread by Pearl Lihn."</p><p>"Do you think that Selene killed Peony Lihn?" Kai asked urgently.</p><p>"Personally?" Strom shook his head. "Selene was a fierce girl- I knew her well- but I do believe that she would never have harmed Peony- at least not intentionally."</p><p>"Did Selene have a violent past?" Kai cringed as the words slipped out of his mouth. He felt guilty for digging into Selene's past, but he needed to know what was going on. He needed to <em>know</em> her.</p><p>"Technically, I'm not supposed to tell you anything about Selene," Principal Strom looked uncomfortable. "But I am willing to tell you what I do know, as long as it's just between the two of us."</p><p>Kai nodded fervently.</p><p>"Okay, so I don't know much, except for the basics. Her Social Service worker, Liam Kinney worked his butt off to help her, but trouble always followed Selene. The family before the Lihn's, they had wanted to adopt Selene as well, but then there was an incident. I don't know what happened," Strom put his palms flat against the table, cutting Kai off before he could ask. "Kinney kept things tied up very tightly. I would give you his contact information, but I lost track of him about a year ago."</p><p>"Like I said, Selene was a kind girl, but dark things always seemed to follow her. Not many people would be willing to tell you much about her; especially not the Lihn's. I can, however give you one person who might give you your best shot." Strom pulled out a piece of paper and began to write something down.</p><p>"Who would that be?" Kai asked, feeling despondent. He had hoped for more than 'she has a dark past' and 'I can't give you much information.' He wanted answers.</p><p>Strom paused from his writing. "Selene's friend- well, someone who was once her friend." Strom glanced at his computer, clicking a few tabs and keys before he finished his note.</p><p>"Here," Strom said, handing Kai the paper. It had an address, a phone number, and a name written in barely legible writing. "She stayed here local since graduating. She was a star pupil, but and outsider; like Selene."</p><p>"Thank you for all of your help," Kai stood, and extended a hand to Strom. They shook, and Strom had a melancholy glint to his dark eyes.</p><p>"I do hope you can do something for Selene. I always- I wish that I could have done more for her." Strom patted Kai on the back. "I knew that she was being bullied, and I did nothing. I knew that she was drowning, and never did I throw her a life raft. I hope that perhaps you'll be able to accomplish what I could not."</p><p>A burning sensation filled Kai's chest. He simply nodded his head, and walked away before he had to look at more of this guilt in the old man's face.</p><p>Selene may have caused a great amount of anger and heartbreak, but she caused just as much guilt and sorrow. She was a burning pathway of destruction and loss. She was a magnet for bad luck, but also for people. She was a forest fire: calamitous and deadly, but impossible to ignore. She was a fallen angel, causing the Heavens to weep at her downfall and Hell scorn the beauteous creature in fear of her being the greatest of them all.</p><p>Kai read the note again, launching the coordinates into his phone. He would figure out what happened. He would track down Liam Kinney if he had to. But for now, he would talk to Cress Darnel.</p><p>***</p><p>"<em>Why?</em>" Selene's words were harsh and bitter. "I thought you were my friend. I trusted you." Betrayal twisted her words into a comfortless whisper.</p><p>Cress's big blue eyes widened, and Selene would have felt guilty under different circumstances. "You know that I didn't do it- I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't think-" Selene choked on her words. "We- I- she was my sister. I loved <em>her</em>. You know that."</p><p>Selene had cornered Crescent after class, needing to speak to her one last time. She had to know if the betrayal was an act of free will or forced. She wanted nothing more than to believe that Cress didn't mean it. The look in her best friend's eyes, however, was answer enough.</p><p>"I thought I did." Cress squeaked. Her eyes were brighter than usual. "But Pearl, she told me the truth. She told me, and now the whole thing makes sense. This wasn't even the first time you've killed someone." Cress looked sick as she said the words. "Ran Kesley-"</p><p>"<em>Don't,</em>" Selene spat the words like fire. "Don't you dare. That was-"</p><p>"An accident?" Cress cut through, her voice rising with nerves and mockery. "You and I both know that an accident like that doesn't just reoccur. You planned it all. You're a freak; a sociopath. Do you even know what love is?"</p><p>Selene flinched as if Cress had caused her physical pain. It wasn't the first time she had heard the words, but hearing them come from her best friend made then sting more than they had coming from Adri or Pearl or even Mr. Kesley.</p><p>Cress's face softened, but less out of sympathy than horror and sadness. "You tore apart families, Selene. You may not have intended it to happen, but you still caused it. You- you-" Cress covered her eyes with her small, delicate fingers.</p><p>"I don't even know why you stay here." Cress murmured, her posture hardening. "No one wants you." Cress hissed. Selene had never heard such unkind words come from the girl. Cress had always been so sweet; now she was ice and a cruel knife in the back.</p><p>Bile filmed in Selene's mouth. There were so many things that she wanted to say. Thousands of comebacks, dozens of betrayals; but nothing came.</p><p>"Me neither."</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Girl With Too Many Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A single backpack was all it took to carry everything of Selene's old life. It carried all the money from her bank account- which wasn't much; the only letter her mother had ever written her; Some clothes; a picture of Selene and some distant family she couldn't remember; her small braided bracelet; and some tools in the hopes of gaining a job as a mechanic. Everything else she didn't want.</p><p>She left no note. She told no one of her leaving. She would have bet money that they wouldn't even figure out her absence for a couple days. Her disappearance would be a blessing they would probably thank her for.</p><p>No one would miss her. Not Adri. Not Pearl. Not Garran. Not Cress. Not anyone from school. Not her teachers. Not even Kinney. Everyone would move on with their lives, forget her and her pitiful existence. But she would never be able to escape them, not really; just like how she couldn't escape her own mother. Their words would graffiti her mind, reminding her of all her faults and how she could never truly be loved.</p><p>
  <em>You did a terrible thing. You killed Peony, and you're going to pay for it.</em>
</p><p>Hadn't she already paid? The pain of grief was enough to kill her. The knowledge of what she had done was the worst torture.</p><p>
  <em>When we're done with the, you'll be nothing but dust and ashes and cinders.</em>
</p><p>How can you destroy something that has nothing left to demolish? How can you wound something that's already dead inside?</p><p>
  <em>You deserve this, Selene. You deserve the darkest and most fiery places of hades domain.</em>
</p><p>She already lived in Hell, so what difference would it make?</p><p>
  <em>You're a freak; a sociopath. Do you even know what love is?</em>
</p><p>How could one know love if they have never received any?</p><p>
  <em>I don't even know why you stay here. No one wants you.</em>
</p><p>Monsters were always unwanted, that was why they were chased away with pitchforks and fire. But what did you do when you yourself was an uncontrollable monster?</p><p>Selene shook herself, trying to chase away their words, but she knew that they would stick with her forever. They were what made her the broken girl she was just as much as her name. Echoes of anger and sorrow would forever call throughout her mind and in her nightmarish dreams of what Hell was supposed to look like.</p><p>Acceptance would be the path of least resistance in Selene's case.</p><p>Towns flashed by as Selene's bus moved at high speeds. The original plan was for her to move to Portland, but she knew that it was too close, too familiar. She had lived with two different Foster Families in Oregon, and someone might remember her. She couldn't let anyone know her name.</p><p>In the end, her going to Colorado was something of a lucky chance. She'd never been in living memory, though she knew that it was her birthplace. She hoped that no one would know her.</p><p>Slinging the backpack over her shoulders, Selene had no regrets- except for one. She wished she had been able to save Peony; Ran as well. They were the misfortunes that followed her, and now that <em>she</em> knew where Selene was, she had to leave once and for all and never come back. No one could ever again know where Selene Lihn was; it was too dangerous.</p><p>That was one of the reasons why <em>Selene </em>was going to disappear forever.</p><p>Cinder Lihn, on the other hand, was not wanted by anyone. She was the fresh start that Selene needed. She was a new opportunity, a phoenix risen from the ashes of her catastrophic past.</p><p>Selene would never say her name aloud again, for it was a curse that only destroyed everything that she loved. Her name was a brand, and with her new name, she would finally be set free.</p><p>***</p><p>Kai's hands fluttered nervously as he rapped on Cress Darnel's apartment door, knocking more times than he would have normally. He was anxious for this meeting, seeing how it would determine the exact amount he would discover about Selene before she herself woke up.</p><p>Thorne had called Kai the night before, telling him that Selene was still asleep, but due to wake up at any time. Thorne had then gone on and on in wondering aloud how the hospital could afford such models. Kai half suspected that Thorne was enjoying his time at the hospital more than he was letting on, getting to see Nainsi and Iko and the other nurses at all hours of the day.</p><p>The door opened after only a few moments, its fading red paint with the number <em>4B </em>swinging wide to show a petite girl. She had short, wavy blonde hair and eyes the color of a California ocean. Her wrists were covered in an assortment of threaded bracelets, and a pencil tucked behind her ear. She wore a frown, though it seemed to be more out of questioning than annoyance.</p><p>"Hello," Kai began, smiling brightly. "My name is Kaito Crown, and I'm here on behalf of Selene Lihn. I was told that you might be able to provide some information on her."</p><p>Cress' jaw dropped in shock. Her eyes had gone wide and her hands gripped the door until all the color was flushed out of them. She looked as though she had seen a ghost. Kai wondered if maybe he shouldn't have been so forward. "You see," Kai continued, wringing his hands together. He was desperate, but he tried to conceal it as much as possible. "Selene-"</p><p>"What happened to her?" Cress cut through Kai's words with a flurry of panic born from shock. "Is she okay? Is she still alive? Where is Selene?" Cress moved forward, standing on her toes and biting her lip around the words. Her expression held many things that Kai hadn't expected to see: guilt, sorrow... and something else that Kai couldn't decipher.</p><p>Kai raised his hands in surrender of her deluge of questions. "I-I don't know much, um, Cress. I just... do you mind if we sit down and I tell you everything?" Cress nodded and led Kai inside to a small living area. He sat down on a loveseat, wiping his balmy hands against his jeans as Cress rested herself anxiously in the straight-backed chair across from him.</p><p>"Selene Lihn," Kai exhaled bracingly. His nerves were anxious and twittering with adrenaline. He didn't want to tell Cress Darnel about the tragedy that had happened to her once-best-friend; not when she was staring at him with her huge, innocent blue eyes tinged with worry. He wanted information, not to be the bearer of bad news, even if Selene was alive.</p><p>The real question was: why hadn't Selene kept in contact with anyone? Was it simply a way to protect herself from those who had treated her unkindly, or was there something more? What if she had run away to hide and never be found rather than to simply escape?</p><p>"She got in an accident." Kai watched as Cress began to shake, gripping the arms of her chair. "She- She's okay, or at least she will be, but it was bad."</p><p>An empty, painful silence filled the room. The light seemed to make Cress's eyes shine brighter than normal, or maybe it was related to the way her lips were quivering. Kai waited for her to say something, but a sort of devastation appeared to be keeping her mute.</p><p>"I need to know what was happening to Selene before she ran away. I want to understand her, and you're the only person I have left. Please, <em>please</em> help me." Kai clasped his hands in front of him, sitting forward in his chair and waited.</p><p>Cress cleared her throat, biting her lip anxiously. "Selene was a girl with too many secrets. She told me some of them, but... I don't know the whole story. Selene always had a darkness about her- almost as if her shadow was a living being there to torture her forever."</p><p>A shiver ran down Kai's spine at her words. Kai had sensed that sort of energy on Selene when he had found her in the burning remains of her car. She had the nature of an avenging angel from Hell, both dark and beautiful and terribly misunderstood.</p><p>"Selene always told everyone that her mother was in prison, arrested for drugs and whatnot. Even on her records that's what is put down. But it's not true." Cress's skin shone pale in the dark house. Fear etched across her face like an ugly scar, striking terror into Kai's bones.</p><p>Cress glanced around, her breathing heavy. Kai could tell she was preparing to divulge an awful truth. "Her mother-"</p><p>Kai's phone rang, causing the couple to jump, and Cress to let out a little yelp. Kai pressed a hand to his heart to steady it, preparing to reject the call before he saw the name.</p><p>Thorne.</p><p>That could only mean one thing. Something had happened with Selene.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Cress, but I have to take this." Kai stood, all thoughts of Selene's past forgotten. Cress sagged in her seat, part from relief and something else that Kai couldn't quite dissect. She didn't even say anything as Kai stood, cupped the phone to his ear, and left the room.</p><p>"Thorne," Kai said eagerly, stalking to the door. "What happened? Is she-"</p><p>"Yeah, Sel- Ow! Would you stop that?" Thorne exclaimed, leaving Kai to wonder what was happening on the other end of the phone. Was Iko beating Thorne with a tongue depressor, or was Selene a fighter?</p><p>Muffled talking continued in the background, and Kai heard the voice of a girl and a defensive Thorne. <em>He better not have tried flirting with her the second she awoke</em>, Kai thought.</p><p>Thorne came back on the phone, his voice half agitated and half amused. "The girl, she's awake." Thorne huffed. "And I've got to admit, I much preferred her asleep."</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Overprotective Shadow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lights faded in and out between Cinder's dreams of the past. Dreams of a mother who only wanted her to be happy, of a boy who loved her, a sister that idolized her, and a friend who tried to find a cure for <em>Selene's</em> problem. All of them were painful.</p><p>The mental agony of Cinder's dreams dulled the pain of reality for a short time. She wondered if she had finally died- if <em>She</em> had found a way to kill her yet- but Cinder couldn't remember anything. The last thing she could recall was driving to school, and then-</p><p>A sudden jolt shot through Cinder, her eyes snapping open as memories flooded her mind. The accident, the fire, the boy. What had happened to the boy? <em>What if I killed him too</em>, Cinder worried. <em>But no, it shouldn't work like that. Don't they have to love me?</em></p><p>"Even my wildest fantasies couldn't imagine you being this hot awake." Cinder flinched, turning to see a boy sitting next to her. She hadn't noticed him before, and maybe that had been for the best. His mere presence was making her agitated.</p><p><em>Could it be him? </em>Selene looked into the man's eyes; they were a clear crystal blue. No, her savior had bore eyes of copper and flames.</p><p>"No pun intended." The annoying man winked, leaning back in the plastic hospital chair. He had sandy brown hair, a strong jaw, and an easy smile accompanied by the dimples of a church boy. He wore tennis shoes, blue jeans and a <em>Star Wars</em> t-shirt with Han Solo on the front and captioned "I know."</p><p>Cinder frowned. The boy smiled. "Who the he-"</p><p>"Ah, no need for blatant questioning and accusations." The man stuck out his right hand, a crooked, wicked smile on his face. "Carswell Thorne, at your service." He cupped his left hand to the side of his mouth, as if he were telling her a secret. "But you can just call me Thorne."</p><p>Cinder blinked, and Thorne lowered his hand, smile disappearing. "Where's all your fire?" Thorne exclaimed, giving her a questioning glance. Cinder glared at him, and he seemed to realize his mistake. "I mean your personality, not the car stuff." Thorne clarified.</p><p>"Why are you here? I don't know you." Cinder croaked, her voice scraggy from lack of use. "Where's..." Cinder was about to ask for someone she knew- someone who loved her- but they were all dead.</p><p>"Am I <em>that</em> disappointing?" Thorne inquired, exasperated.</p><p>"I mean," Cinder clarified. "Where's the boy with the eyes?" Cinder flushed, realizing how stupid she sounded, but she had only seen the eyes of her savior, nothing more.</p><p>Thorne stuck out his jaw, his face perplexed. "I'm a boy, I have eyes, I feel like I meet your expectations just fine."</p><p>Cinder huffed, wanting to strangle Thorne the more she talked to him. "There was a boy who pulled me out of my buring car. Where is he?" Cinder felt her stomach roll with dread. <em>What if I killed him too?</em></p><p>"Oh, you mean Crown. He's not here." Thorne nodded his head like a complacent beach boy. "Speaking of which, I should probably call him. He's a little too excited to meet you. A bit like a puppy." Thorne rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess you've already met, but you were a little out of it. Understandably."</p><p>Cinder hit him. Not hard, but a simple backhand to the shoulder. She was done with this man- who she had never met before- and his stupidity.</p><p>"Aces, ow! What was that for, Selene?" Thorne put a hand to where Cinder had struck him, his face indignant. He was so caught up in his "injury" that he didn't notice Cinder freeze, her face pale as parchment. "Sel-"</p><p>Throwing herself forward, Cinder covered his mouth with her uninjured hand. Pain laced her entire left side, but she didn't stop. Thorne's muffled protests pursued, and he tried to get Cinder's hand away from his pie hole. Cinder refused to let go, too scared of what would happen if he said her name. That was until he licked Cinder's hand. She retreated immediately. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he died.</p><p>"What the aces and spades?" Thorne exclaimed, scrunching his nose. "Look, S-"</p><p>"Don't call me that!" Cinder yelled, startling Thorne enough to make him drop all his flirtations. "Don't call me S... don't call me that name." Cinder intoned.</p><p>Thorne softened, taking a gentler side to things. His face lost its michievous gleam, and he leaned forward in his seat. "Okay, what do you want me to call you then?"</p><p>There was a slight shock to seeing this calming side of Thorne. She wouldn't have believed he had a tame side if she hadn't seen it staring into her face. "Cinder. Call me Cinder."</p><p>Thorne's face contorted with horror, and then he seemed to be attempting to hold in laughter. Apparently his considerate side wasn't that strong. "You're kidding! You're..." Thorne looked at Cinder's face, taking in her expression before sobering. "You're not kidding."</p><p>Cinder glared. She wouldn't much mind if her gaze caused him to alight in flames. "Okay, Cinder," Thorne said. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna call your boyfriend. Like I said, he wants to see you." Cinder continued to glare, but didn't stop him.</p><p>Pulling out his phone, Thorne dialed a well acquainted number, fingers dancing. It only took one ring for a frantic voice to answer on the other end. Cinder could hear the faint voice of a boy, though not what he was saying.</p><p>Cinder kept her eyes on Thorne, making sure he didn't say her name. Apparently Thorne had the memory of a goldfish.</p><p>"Yeah, Sel-" Cinder interrupted Thorne with another backhand. "Ow! Would you stop that?" Thorne pulled the phone away from his face, glaring at Cinder.</p><p>"I told you not to call me that!" Cinder bellowed.</p><p>"I remember that, thanks." Thorne remarked sarcastically.</p><p>"Obviously you didn't, because you just called me <em>that</em>." Cinder huffed, feeling too drained to argue with such gusto.</p><p>"Well, Kai won't recognize you by any other name! That's what the nurse said your name was. I'm sorry that you're feeling sour about it." Thorne bit back.</p><p>"Just don't call me that name." Cinder growled.</p><p>"Fine." Thorne turned back to his phone, bafflement coloring his face like paint. "The girl," Thorne glared at Cinder pointedly, " she's awake. And I've got to admit, I much preferred her asleep."</p><p>Cinder scowled, but refrained from hitting Thorne again. She was so tired, and the annoyance it took to simply engage in a conversation with Thorne was draining. She only half-listened to the rest of his conversation, before her mind spun into blackness.</p><p>***</p><p>Kai glanced into a window. It was dark enough that he could see his reflection, and the way his hair was a complete mess. He ran a hand through it to tame the tangles, wishing for once he had followed Thorne's advice on how maintain his hair. Kai hated putting gel in though.</p><p><em>What are you doing?</em> Kai asked himself.<em> She just woke up from a coma, and why do you even care? She's just a girl.</em> But she wasn't just a girl.</p><p>The hospital was busy, people flitting in and out of rooms as visitor hours drew towards a close. Kai's body was vibrating with nervous energy. He was finally going to be able to talk to her. He would talk to Selene.</p><p>Cinder.</p><p>Kai was confused by the name change, but Thorne had been adamant about it, complaining of bruises as he relayed the information to Kai. Of course some people hated what their parents named them- Kai himself hated to be called Kaito- but Cinder wasn't even close to Selene. Kai had thought it was a joke at first, Thorne being inappropriate as always, but it wasn't.</p><p>No nurses stood in with Cinder as she lay nearly motionless on her bed. She was awake, staring down her arm at the patched skin that had once been burns, dark hair falling down around her face.</p><p>The treatment they had used on her was new, and worked on healing skin incredibly fast. Already Cinder's flesh was looking healthy, and only a little bit patchy and pink in some parts. Kai marveled at the progress that had happened in only ten days.</p><p>"Hey," Kai tapped his knuckles lightly on her door, startling Cinder from her awe. Looking at her sent shivers down Kai's spine. He remembered the first time he'd seen her, surrounded by fire, and how he'd thought she looked like an avenging angel. Even without the fire she still had a blaze about her that made her seem dark and powerful.</p><p><em>Selene always had a darkness about her- almost as if her shadow was a living being there to torture her forever.</em> Kai shook Cress's words away, although not before noticing that Cinder did seem to have an overprotective shadow.</p><p>"You look really good." Kai smiled, before feeling his stomach fall. "I mean, you always looked good. You never looked bad. I was just meaning that you look better. Your skin is looking great." Kai cringed. <em>Your skin is looking great</em>? He sounded like a creep.</p><p>"That came out wrong." Kai said, biting his lip before sighing exasperatedly. "What I meant to say is that you've healed a lot since I last saw you."</p><p>Cinder stared at him, not saying a word. Her eyes were huge and brown and beautiful. Kai looked away from them, knowing that if he continued to gaze into her eyes he would never be able to look away.</p><p>"My name is Kai, by the way." Kai said, sitting down in the cold plastic seat. "Well, it's Kaito, Kaito Crown, but only my father really calls me that. You can just call me Kai." He didn't know why he was babbling so much. Kai hardly ever babbled and it was only when he was nervous.</p><p>"I don't know if you remember me. You were basically unconscious, but you did look at me for a few seconds before blacking out." Cinder blinked, still not speaking. Kai wondered if Thorne had been making up the story about her beating him up. She was so mellow.</p><p>"I'm also sorry about Thorne. He's a pain, but he means well. I asked him to stay with you while I was... away." Kai didn't know why he wasn't telling her about his visit to Olympia. She had a right to know that he had gone snooping in her business, but something about her stare and the rejection of her name made Kai think she wouldn't be too happy about it.</p><p>"Why'd you do it?" Cinder whispered, her voice defiant.</p><p>Kai froze. Did she know that he had been investigating her past? Kai had told Thorne not to tell her, but he never was good at keeping secrets. "Do what?"</p><p>"Save me." Cinder's voice was as cold as her stare. Kai worried that the floor would open up and he would be sucked down to Hell.</p><p>It was such an odd question. In the moment of the crash, there had been no other answer than to save the girl on fire. It hadn't been a multiple choice test; his only option had been to save her.</p><p>"It was the right thing to do. The only thing, really. I couldn't just leave you there." Kai muttered, wringing his hands together. He didn't dare glance at Cinder- he could feel her burning gaze.</p><p>"Oh, so you're the noble type. You could have gotten yourself killed, or terribly injured. You shouldn't have done it." Cinder snapped.</p><p>"Well, I'm fine. You're alive, and I wouldn't change anything about it. I'm sorry if I disappointed you." Kai felt attacked. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was being attacked, but he was going to consider all of the possibilities.</p><p>Cinder sagged, her shoulders closing in toward her chest and her face cracking. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant." She paused, then whispered, "Thank you for everything."</p><p>"You're welcome," Kai murmured, feeling undeserving of her thanks. It physically hurt Kai to look at her showing so much pain and humility. She was just a girl- a teenager- and she deserved to be saved. She deserved to be loved, and she had never gotten that.</p><p>"Listen, Cinder," Kai moved closer to her. "Can I ask you why you changed your name?"</p><p>Kai had crossed a line. He could tell by the way Cinder tensed up, regret and guilt stabbing him the moment the words had left his lips. Why did he have to be so rude and nosy? She was lying in a hospital bed feeling terrible, and Kai had brought up something to make her feel even worse.</p><p>"No. You can't." Cinder's eyes filled with rage. "Nor are you allowed to ask me why I ran away from home or why I have no emergency contact or anything else about my life!"</p><p>"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." Kai curled in on himself, moving away from Cinder. He felt defenseless against her words, and terrible guilt was eating at him for digging into her past without permission. He felt like a trespasser.</p><p>"You may think that I'll worship you just because you saved me, but I didn't ask you to." Cinder's words cut like knives. "I may owe you my life, but you won't get my past."</p><p>Kai nodded, choking on the words that he should have been saying. He needed to apologize, but the only thing that came out was: "I- I think I should go."</p><p>Cinder didn't even look at him as he walked out the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Little Miss Independent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Stop beating yourself up, Crown" Thorne shoved in another bite of waffles, boysenberry jam staining his lips purple as he did so. "It's not your fault that you're the nosiest person on the planet and she hates herself. Get over it."</p><p>Kai rolled his eyes. Thorne was a great friend; he was always there for Kai no matter what. But he was the worst at giving sane advice or motivational speeches. "It just wasn't my business."</p><p>"You really should have gone into journalism." Thorne said, his words splurred by the food in his mouth. Kai looked down, his heart heavy at the comment.</p><p>When Kai had been young, he had wanted to do nothing more than write, and his mother had encouraged that. His father had even been fine with the whole idea, even if it meant that Kai would not go into the family business. All of it had changed when Kai's mother had died. Kai stopped writing- stopped doing most things he loved. It was too painful.</p><p>"Yeah," Kai muttered. "I should have."</p><p>"Anyways," Thorne waved his fork erratically through the air, nearly spraying Kai with blue jam. "You need to just rip the bandaid off. Show her that you care- more than you should if you ask me-" Kai glared. Thorne sighed. "She really needs someone on her side, even if she thinks she's little-miss-independent."</p><p>Kai looked down into his mug- completely empty except for small flakes of chocolate. It wasn't that Kai didn't want to talk to Cinder, quite the opposite really. He just didn't want to scare her away. He would never be able to forgive himself.</p><p>"It's just, there's something dark about her. She's hiding something." Kai remarked.</p><p>"Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious. I don't think I ever would have figured that one out on my own." Thorne threw his arms around his head in exasperation, before ticking off fingers. "I mean, she freaks every time someone calls her by her given name, she had a sister that died while they were <em>alone</em> together and no one will say how it happened, and everyone she once knew hated her. I wonder what that girl has to hide."</p><p>"Okay, okay!" Kai drummed his fingers anxiously across the square table. "I'm only thinking out loud, no need to go ballistic."</p><p>Scraping chunky jam out of a plastic container, Thorne rubbed it lovingly across the last of his waffles. Kai watched, nose scrunched in disgust. Kai hated berries. They were just too sour, too mushy, and left the back of your tongue scratchy. They were gross.</p><p>Thorne smothered whipped cream on top of his creation, practically drooling all over it. "Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Did you learn anything from the Principal or that Chris girl?"</p><p>"Cress," Kai said quickly, his palms growing sweaty.</p><p>"What?" Thorne looked up, confusion scrawled across his fair features.</p><p>"Her name is Cress, not Chris." Kai clarified, his cheeks heating up as he babbled. "And your incredible timing stopped me from learning anything really important, so thanks for that."</p><p>An impish grin came across Thorne's face, and Kai knew what he was thinking. If ultra-red was a color, then 'Kaito Crown's face when talking about pretty girls' could have been the crayon for it. "Yes, she was cute, but not my type, so please don't ask."</p><p>"Ah," Thorne slapped a hand dramatically across his heart. "I would never suggest anything of the sort. I know how attached you are to your hot angel." Thorne quirked an eyebrow devilishly.</p><p>"Well, what were you going to ask, then?" Kai grumbled, turing his blazing face down. He hadn't much thought about Cress, considering that she had a mysterious past with the girl he was fighting for. He didn't know if Cress had been a positive or negative factor in Cinder's life, which therefore made her hard to look at in any other way than a source of information.</p><p>Thorne played around with his fork before answering, "Well, you must have found out something new. Even the tiniest bit of news. I mean, unless you're hiding it from me." Thorne grinned wickedly, and Kai cursed himself mentally. "You're a terrible liar, Crown."</p><p>"Okay, fine. I just feel guilty about the whole thing." Kai rubbed his palms against his sleepless eyes. "When I went to talk with Cress, she told me that Selene- Cinder- kept a bunch of secrets." Kai paused, gauging Thorne's face. He looked almost bored, which send a stab of agitation through Kai.</p><p>"And?" Thorne pressed on impatiently.</p><p>Kai sighed. "And she told me that Cinder lied about what happened to her mom. Even her records don't have the truth; I would know. The nurses told me that Sel- Cinder's mother was put into prison when she was only six, but apparently that's not true."</p><p>Thorne motioned impatiently for Kai to continue, but Kai shrugged his shoulders. Thorne huffed. "What actually happened to her mother?"</p><p>"Well, I would know if it weren't for <em>your</em> incredible timing." Kai leaned forward in his seat, glaring at Thorne.</p><p>"Hey! You told me to call the second the girl woke up. You can't blame me for a job well done." Said Thorne defensively.</p><p>Kai threw his body back in his seat, feeling exhausted. He was used to getting a solid eight hours of sleep, but that had gone out the window ever since the accident. It was starting to wear on him. "I know, Thorne. And thank you for being there, it meant a lot."</p><p>"It better have." Thorne folded his arms across his chest defensively. "That girl of yours is not an angel."</p><p>A chuckle escaped Kai, earning a glare from Thorne. "She's a piece of work!"</p><p>"She's not easy," Kai admitted, thinking back on his only encounter with a conscious Cinder. She was different than anyone Kai had ever met, one moment rageful and fiery, and in the next small and pitiable. It was hard for Kai to feel anything but compassion for someone who had clearly suffered much. She had fought her whole life, never leaving her enough time to feel peace or love.</p><p>There was something so terribly sad about the fact that Cinder couldn't understand why Kai would save her. She was just a girl- not a woman, but a girl- and she needed at least one person on her side. If that one person was Kai, then he would be one dang good cheerleader.</p><p>"Why was she so mad at you in the first place? What did you say to her?" Kai asked, recalling the phone call and Cinder's brief acknowledgment to Thorne's visit. "She seems to hate you even more than me."</p><p>Thorne waved his hand as if swatting a fly. "Oh, you know. Some women just can't take no for an answer is all."</p><p>"Carswell, please tell me you did not flirt with her the second she woke up. She nearly burned to death!" Kai exclaimed, imagining all of the terrible puns and flirtatious jokes Thorne could have made.</p><p>"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad." Thorne rolled his eyes. "I was perfectly pleasant as always."</p><p>"No wonder she hates me so much," Kai grumbled to himself. "I unleased you on her, and now she's probably frightened to death! She's only nineteen, Thorne."</p><p>"And I'm only twenty-two." Thorne countered.</p><p>Kai put his head in his hands, his face flushing with embarrassment and... was that jealousy? How could Kai be jealous that Thorne had tormented a girl with his flirtations, or was it the fact that Thorne was able to flirt with her?</p><p>Thorne seemed to read Kai's face like a book. He leaned forward teasingly, his voice sing-songy. "Ooh, is Kaito jealous? But of what, may I wonder?" Thorne rested his cheek in his hand, looking like a gossiping school-girl. Kai had hardly ever wanted to hit him more.</p><p>"Not jealous." Kai got out through his teeth. "I just don't want you messing with her. She's been through enough."</p><p>"Sure, sure." Thorne tossed the words around teasingly. "Anyway, she's not my type. I've always had a thing for gingers. Those devil's wenches' I was thinking about asking out the other nurse."</p><p>Kai ignored this, knowing as well as anything that Thorne preferred blondes. Thorne had only ever been out with one red-head, and that date had not been his best.</p><p>"I just don't know what to do." Kai whined, getting back on track. Whenever Thorne was involved in a conversation things always got out of hand.</p><p>"Go talk to her. She's had a night to think things through and realize that she was rude and irrational. Appeal to your gentler side; women like that."</p><p>Kai wrinkled his nose, deciding that was enough advice for one day. It was true that Cinder had been given plenty of time to think things over and decide how she felt. It was unfair of Kai to shove so much information on her all at once. He would be slower, more patient and gentle this time.</p><p>"Thanks, Thorne." Kai said, standing from his seat and sliding his body into his coat.</p><p>"Anything for my brotha," Thorne winked, throwing out a fist.</p><p>Kai bumped Thorne's fist with his own, twisting it and then spinning his fingers before he walked away and out of the café.</p><p>***</p><p>"How are you doing today, Cinder?" A nurse with vibrant blue braids practically skipped into the room, carrying a tray with milk, chocolate pudding and something that resembled oatmeal. Cinder tried not to wrinkle her nose. At least this nurse had called her by her preferred name.</p><p>The first nurse that Cinder had met had been curvy and dark-haired. She had called Cinder 'Selene' so many times that Cinder had yelled for her to stop. The second nurse hadn't spoken at all to Cinder, except to ask her the rudimentary questions, though that may have been the night-shift speaking.</p><p>"Fine." Cinder commented, not in the mood for conversation. There was a TV going on in the background, but Cinder had only glanced at it for a few seconds before growing bored. She would much rather be reading a book. Those at least didn't make her eyes burn and head throb.</p><p>The room was plainly furnished, with the bed in the center of the room, the said TV across from the bed, and a small plastic chair beside the bed for visitors.</p><p>"I brought your breakfast, and your medicine. Now that you're awake, we want to start you on oral medication and ween you off your IV so you can go home." The nurse placed the tray on the overbed table. "I'm Iko, by the way."</p><p>Cinder ignore the last part. "Wasn't I in a medically induced coma? Why didn't they just keep me awake and give me my medication like a normal person?" Cinder questioned, her words tinged with agitation.</p><p>"It's part of the treatment," Iko said, her voice cool but firm. She was not a woman to be messed with. "People heal better while sleeping, and this particular treatment can be tricky."</p><p>Iko moved around the bed to shift Cinder into an upright position. She fluffed the pillows, and smoothed down the blankets in an affectionate fashion. Cinder almost felt guilty for being so bitter towards such a kind person.</p><p>There was something reassuring about Iko's presence. Cinder relaxed her shoulders, not realizing how tense she had been. She had been putting up a mask for so many years; it was nice to let it down, even for a second.</p><p>"Take these," Iko handed Cinder a small cup with an assortment of colored pills. Cinder put them all in her mouth at once, washing them down with a chug of milk that made Cinder almost gag. She had never been fond of dairy products, but she didn't want to be a snob.</p><p>The nurse seemed to dance around Cinder's bed, fixing monitors and IV bags, changing the lighting, turning the volume down on the TV. She appeared to know exactly what Cinder needed the most to make her comfortable. It was an odd sensation, to be cared for. Cinder hadn't experienced anything of the sort in too many years.</p><p>After seeming to finish with her practicality, Iko settled down in the plastic chair next to Cinder's bed. She clasped her hands daintily in her lap and smiled at Cinder. Only then did Cinder begin to marvel at the ageless quality Iko possessed. Her dark skin was clear and unblemished, her golden eyes bright, yet wise, and her blue braids gave her spunk.</p><p>"So," Iko smiled teasingly. "You seem to have a couple of male admirers. I hope that I'm not stepping the line when I ask you which one would happen to be your lover."</p><p>That took Cinder aback. Her shoulders tensed, and while normally she would have been agitated, or even mad with such an assumption, all Cinder could manage was a laugh. And laugh she did; big, ugly, loud laughing that shook the bed and caused the heart monitor to race.</p><p>Iko stared at Cinder in astonishment, and looked nearly appalled when Cinder began to cough and choke. She stood from her seat, placing a hand over Cinder's chest and muttering about smoke inhalation.</p><p>"You thought-" Cinder coughed, unable to control her laughter, "-that I was-" A wheezing began at the back of Cinder's throat. "-with one of those stupid-"</p><p>"Hey, hey," Iko was practically yelling at Cinder. "Stop with that, or you'll stop breathing soon enough. Hey!" Iko grabbed Cinder by the shoulders, trying to calm her.</p><p>Cinder stopped laughing, though it was gradual. She coughed once more before regaining her composure and staring at her befuddled nurse. "I'm okay," Cinder wiped at her eyes, though no tears had escaped. That was odd.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Cinder whispered, her voice hoarse. "It's just, I've never met either of those men before. I only know Kai because he saved me and I'm guessing Thorne is the guy that dared him to do it."</p><p>Iko softened and looked as if she were about to say something, but someone else, hidden in the shadows, spoke before she could.</p><p>"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I would like to speak with Miss Lihn."</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Mask of Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two pairs of brilliant eyes locked on Kai; one brown and one gold. He felt almost nervous to have such intense stares on his body, something he was not used to, and shrunk back a little bit. He was acclimated to hundreds of people gazing at him as he made speeches, but the stares of these two girls seemed to set his insides on fire. Or maybe it was just one of the girls...</p><p>"Oh," Iko's face fell for a moment, before her lips twitched up into an impish grin. "I was just leaving. I do have other patients, you know." Iko pointed an accusing finger at Cinder, quieting her protests before they could escape her lips. "I'll be back after I finish my rounds."</p><p>Kai nodded to Iko as she winked rather unsubtly and walked out the door. Cinder stared determinedly down at her clenched fist, her scars turning white and painful looking.</p><p>"Don't do that," Kai raced forward, placing his hand over Cinder's to prevent her from hurting herself. She flinched away, her expression shocked and angry, but all the same unclenched her fists. It pained Kai to know that she did this because of him.</p><p>Cinder didn't say anything, but simply remained staring a point that Kai would't see. Her jaw was set in a firm line, and her eyes were ice cold in deep contrast to the brilliant carelessness they had held before Kai had entered the room. His heart twinged.</p><p>"I came to talk to you," Kai said not unkindly. "I have some things I need to tell you. You might not care to hear them, but you deserve to know." Cinder continued to avoid eye contact.</p><p>"I, um, know a lot about you, so I figured you have the right to know a little bit about me." Kai tried to keep his voice even, though anticipation of what he was about to open up to sent stinging cracks into his confidence. He had decided to go with Thorne's approach on things- to be gentle and open- instead of revealing how much he had dug up about her past. Honestly was not always the best policy.</p><p>Kai rubbed his sweating palms against his jeans, looking right into Cinder's face, but she did not look at him. "For starters, my name is Kaito Crown, Kai to you. You already know that, but whenever I practised this in my head I always start like that." Kai blushed. "Forget about that last part."</p><p>Cinder's expression remained tense, but her face began tilting in his direction. "I'm twenty-one years-old, I grew up in So-Cal in the San Diego area. My father is Rikan Crown, one of the most successful businessmen in the northern continent. My mo-" Kai coughed, trying to mask the pain. "My, um, my best friend is Carswell Thorne, who you've already had the pleasantries of meeting. We've been best friends since the first grade.</p><p>"I go to college at the local business school because my father wants me to take over his business someday. I should be graduating sometime in the spring. I love to sing, though I'm terrible at it. My favorite food is cereal, which my father detests and Thorne doesn't understand. I enjoy writing and sometimes reading classics. I like knowing people, and learning their passions. I'm kinda nosy, which I am trying to work on." Kai smiled to himself, knowing that he was doing a terrible job at working on his problem.</p><p>"I've never really felt like a have a purpose in life, though. When I was little, I wanted to be a journalist, but... things changed." Kai glanced down to his hands; they were bone dry. He drew his fingers inward, brutally crushing them into his palm. He hated talking about his mother. He hated thinking about her and her sudden departure. He hated, hated, hated-</p><p>Cinder was staring at Kai, all masks of anger relieved from her face to unveil a beautiful sheen of kindness. She had become gentler as Kai had spoken, and she reached out to lay a scarred hand across Kai's clenched fists.</p><p>She didn't speak, but her meaning was clear: <em>Don't do that</em>.</p><p>Kai relaxed his hands and the rest of his body followed suit. He let out a sigh, and smiled tight-lipped at Cinder. He couldn't seem to understand her sudden kindness.</p><p>"You don't have to tell me everything. You don't owe me anything." Cinder encircled her fingers around Kai's wrist absentmindedly, sending tingles down his arm. He couldn't understand why her touch could affect him so, but it did; and he didn't want her to stop.</p><p>"I'm not telling you these things to make myself even." Kai tried in vain to take his mind off Cinder's light touch. "I tell you these things because I want you to know me. I want you to trust me. I would like to know you." <em>I don't want you to ever stop touching me, </em>is what Kai didn't say.</p><p>Telepathy must have been a side effect of brain trauma, seeing how Cinder seemed to suddenly realize her grip on Kai and released him. His nerves burned with longing, and his cheeks heated in coordination with hers.</p><p>"I thought that I knew life pretty well until about ten years ago. My life was perfect; I had loving parents, a great best friend, something that I loved to do. That all changed when my mom got sick." Kai's words came out hoarsely, and Cinder's eyes widened with them.</p><p>"One week she was fine, and then she started vomiting and not being able to even get out of bed. By the time we found out, it was too late. There isn't much you can do with colon cancer, anyways." Kai said. His hands were trembling.</p><p>"She died a couple weeks later, two days after I turned twelve." Kai looked around the room, no longer able to stand Cinder's pitying look. This girl had suffered more than Kai could imagine, and yet she showed him compassion. An abrupt laugh burbled from within Kai's chest. "Stars, I hate this place so much."</p><p>Cinder flinched, but Kai didn't even notice. "I remember the white walls, and how they tried to mask the stench of death and cleaning product with flowers. I hate flowers too."</p><p>"In fact," Kai's voice entered into hysterics. "I <em>hate</em> Her. I hate how she left me. I hate how everything beautiful and terrible reminds me of her. I hate it all."</p><p>A sob broke from within Kai, and his body shook with cries of despair as he covered his face in his hands. Cinder sat there, staring at a broken boy who claimed hate from a soul full of nothing but love. There was no hate inside him, only the agony that came with loving a person so deeply.</p><p>"You don't mean that." Cinder whispered. Kai jumped up to stare at her.</p><p>"Yes- I do mean it."</p><p>"No, you don't." Cinder said. "You speak with pain and passion, and the greatest cause of both is love. Nothing hurts more than to have someone who means the world to you leave it. Just... trust me on this one."</p><p>Kai stared at his angel in wonder. Her words were full of empathy, knowledge, and too much sadness for a girl so young. She was such a startling creature, full of light but surrounded by darkness; her cloak of shadows masking the luminous kindness within her heart.</p><p>"I..." Cinder cleared her throat. "My mother left me when I was six. She was taken to prison for drugs, and I haven't heard a word from her since. I thought that I hated her too, but I don't. I can't."</p><p>Kai listened to her words intently, eating them like a starved man. He digested what she said, internally noting that while she was being open, she was also lying; that is, if what Cress said was true.</p><p>"After that, I lived in Foster Homes until I was seventeen. None of them wanted me. None of them loved me. In over ten years of too many families, there were only ever two people that I loved and returned the burden." Cinder's eyes hollowed with darkness.</p><p>"The first was a boy, and his name was Ran. Ran Kesley. I was thirteen, and he was fourteen. He was my first real friend. He cared for me in a way that no one had ever before. His parents and older brother were kind to me as well, but Ran was the only one who loved me.</p><p>"The second was a girl, my sister, Peony Lihn. She was kind and pure. That nurse, Iko, she reminds me of Peony a bit. I was sixteen and she was fourteen when we met. Both of them left me, and it hurts more than anything else in the world." Cinder's voice was full of gravel, but no tears shed forth from her eyes. She was empty.</p><p>Kai wondered what Cinder meant by her words. He wanted to know what Cinder meant when she said she loved Ran Kesley, though he would never admit to the bubble that was growing in his chest at his thoughts. Even more, he needed to know what had happened to both Ran and Peony. But for now, Kai wouldn't ask questions.</p><p>Kai stood from his seat, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He faced Cinder, their bodies terribly close, and took both of her hands in his own. She stared at him with startled doe-eyes, her lips slightly parted.</p><p>A strange impulse took over Kai, and he longed for nothing more that to close the distance between them and place his lips gently against hers. He didn't.</p><p>"You're a good person, Cinder. You don't deserve anything that has happened to you." Kai said, tracing his thumb along the back of her hands. She tightened, and Kai feared that she would pull away, but she seemed just as starved for his touch as he was.</p><p>"You can't know that." Cinder whispered darkly, lowering her lashes.</p><p>"But I do. I can feel it. Just because bad things happen to you doesn't make you bad." Kai released one of Cinder's hands and placed the tips of his fingers beneath her chin.</p><p>Cinder's face tilted towards his. She tried to smile, but her eyes held nothing but grief. "But what if you're the one who caused the bad things?"</p><p>Kai paused, his thoughts skimming through what she could mean. He didn't like the idea of wanting to kiss a serial killer, so he tried to think positive.</p><p>"Your past is gone, Cinder. You can leave it behind and start fresh, no matter what you've done." Kai said.</p><p>Cinder leaned away from Kai, breaking off all points of physical contact. She seemed be be swallowed back up by her cloak of shadows. She was done being vulnerable. She had brought her walls back up, and her mask of darkness was firmly set back into her features. Her words were cold when she spoke a few moments later.</p><p>"If only your words were true."</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Where the Letter Lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kai whistled cheerily as he walked up the stairs of Cinder's dingy apartment building; keys clinked in his hands merrily, and the overall mood of the visit was exciting.</p><p>Over the past week, Kai and Cinder had developed something close to friendship. While he knew that she was still lying to him on multiple fronts, he liked being around her. She hardly ever talked, but that had never bothered Kai. He talked enough for a dozen people. </p><p>On this particular day, Kai had been sent to Cinder's apartment to retrieve clothes for her to go home in. She had been offered a multitude of used clothes the hospital had on hand, but Kai had been vehement on getting some of her own to go home in. He wanted her to be comfortable, and maybe even a little nice for the party he was going to throw her.</p><p>Cinder didn't seem to realize that today was her birthday, but Kai knew. He had been planning the celebration since the time she had forgiven him. While it wasn't going to be the party of the century (Kai didn't want to overwhelm her), it would be a good opportunity for Cinder to reconnect with some people she had left behind. In other words, Kai had invited Cress.</p><p>After much convincing over the past week, Kai had talked Cress into coming to Cinder's twentieth birthday party. She had argued that 'Selene' wouldn't want her there or she would ruin the entire celebration with her presence. Kai had taken matters into his own hands and said that Cinder would be more than happy to see an old friend. He only hoped that he was speaking the truth.</p><p>Kai opened the door to Cinder's tiny apartment with the twist of a key. He stared at the dank living space with a somber mood. He could see everything from his vantage point by the door: bedroom holding only a bed; tiny bathroom barely large enough to accomodate a toilet, sink and the smallest shower known to man; and a kitchen with a microwave, fridge, and stool behind a small counter.</p><p>Crossing the room slowly, Kai walked into her bedroom. He felt uncomfortable entering a ladies quarters, but Cinder had told him most specifically where to find her clothes. The twin bed with rumpled sheets turned out not to be the only thing in the room. Shelves lined the walls all around the messy bed, and a thin layer of dust had begun to settle on top of the clothes resting atop the shelves.</p><p>Cinder didn't seem to have much variety in her clothing. Kai grabbed a grey T-shirt and cargo pants that matched everything else on her shelves, thanking his lucky stars that he didn't have to grab any feminine apparel; Iko had already volunteered those articles for Cinder.</p><p>Kai glanced around the room once more, before tugging the beige sheets off the bed; he never could stand an unmade bed. Kai stripped the bed until it was nothing but a beat up mattress. He would have washed the bedding, but there wasn't enough time. Thorne was set to come and decorate the place in less than an hour.</p><p>Kai tucked the fitted sheet all around the corners of the bed and under the edges, sitting atop the bed to get the uppermost corners. When he got to the top right corner of the bed, however, something was already tucked beneath its edge.</p><p>Reaching his arm deeper under the bed, Kai felt the worn starch of a paper envelope. He tugged at it gently, sure not to tear the lumpy package. When Kai's hand re-materialized from beneath the mattress, it was carrying a faded white-letter envelope.</p><p>The seal of the envelope was broken, and Kai's curiosity won over without much resistance. He lifted up the lip of the white paper, and pulled out three items: a folded up piece of paper with words scribbled in messy cursive, a water-stained photograph, and a small braided bracelet.</p><p>Kai studied the photograph, but no breakthrough came. He held the circle of braided string, trying to guess what its significance might have been. It looked about the right size for Cinder's delicate wrist, though judging from its worn quality she hadn't been its original owner. Finally, Kai unfolded the sheet of paper. He felt guilty going through Cinder's things. He knew what he was doing was wrong and a complete invasion of her privacy, but he couldn't help himself.</p><p>The sheet of paper had but a few words on it written in dull black ink. Kai read with ravished interest, reading it three times before the words began to make sense.</p><p>
  <em>My dearest Selene,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am writing you this letter because I am afraid. I am afraid that my time with you is numbered down to days, and while I cannot give you much, I can give you my words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This life that you live is not one I ever wanted from you. If I could, I would have you be a Queen. You do have a Queen's name, after all. But life is unfair, and while you deserve someone that can take care of you, I have never been too great at my job.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As my final promise to you, I swear on the only thing I love- you- that I will protect you with the force of a whirlwind of fire. Selene Channary Blackburn, I love you. You are my world, and the only thing that I truly love. I will burn this Earth to ashes if only to prove my love for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, Mommy</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Cinder trembled from nerves as she stood from her wheelchair and moved herself- with the help of Kai and Nainsi- into the car. The cold wasn't helping either, seeing how the ground was covered with snow and ice.</p><p>Nainsi trotted away with a soft word of goodbye, while Kai placed Cinder's crutches across the backseat of his car. She felt awkward watching them work while she sat and did nothing, but the nurses had been strict; Cinder wasn't allowed to do anything physically exerting for at least another six weeks. They were only allowing her to go home on behalf that Iko had volunteered to check on Cinder everyday, along with Kai.</p><p>Kai, finished with his work, pulled himself gracefully into the car. He fired up the beautiful machine with practiced hands, turning up the heater to full blast. The sudden heat sent a shiver through Cinder's veins, and Kai glanced over at her with concern.</p><p>"Are you cold?" Kai asked, and without even waiting for a response, took off his hoodie and placed it in Cinder's lap. "Here, take this. I'm too hot with it on anyway."</p><p>A blush crept up Cinder's cheeks, but Kai didn't seem to notice. She pulled the grey hoodie over her head clumsily, her left arm still bandaged and unfeeling. The sweatshirt was still warm from Kai's skin, and it sent tingles along her flesh. It smelled of laundry detergent, chocolate, and whatever cologne Kai used. It was the best smell Cinder had come across before, and she had to resist the urge to shove her entire face in it and inhale the scent of Kai.</p><p>"Thank you," Cinder whispered, no longer trembling. There was something calming about Kai. He was a constant in her life, no matter how hard she pushed him away. He was pure and good and kind, and Cinder was still wondering why he had decided to stay in her life.</p><p>"I should have brought you one of yours, but I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry." Kai said, his shoulders rigid and lips pulled tight. He looked guilty, and Cinder had to resist the urge to roll her eyes; only Kai could feel bad about not considering to bring a girl a jacket and then giving her his own.</p><p>Cinder pulled the sleeves of the delicious smelling jacket up around her frozen fingers. "It's not your fault. I forgot to tell you where they were, anyways." Cinder smiled at him, though he continued to not look at her. Maybe he was just a careful driver. "I like yours better, anyways."</p><p>Kai laughed, and Cinder bent her head down in embarrassment. She had not intended for those words to come out of her mouth, no matter how much she had been thinking them.</p><p>"Hey, Cinder?"</p><p>"What?" Cinder mumbled in anguish, her cheeks still brightly colored.</p><p>"Can I ask you a question?" Kai bit at his bottom lip, and Cinder watched his face with anticipation.</p><p>"I think you just did." Cinder mumbled, her walls rising up as the flashing red lights began to play throughout her head.</p><p>"What actually happened to your mother?" Kai asked timidly. "You don't have to tell me, but I know that she wasn't arrested. I... I can tell when you're lying."</p><p>Cinder knew that last part was a lie. In order to be an expert liar, you had to know when others were lying, and Kai had absolutely no practice with lying. She decided to let it go, however. She liked Kai a lot, and knew that he wasn't trying to take advantage of her.</p><p>Silence filled the car like ice water, chilling Cinder. There had only ever been one other person whom she had told the truth to. That person had betrayed her.</p><p>"You're right, my mother isn't in jail." Cinder commended with a huff.</p><p>Neither of them said anything after that.</p><p>***</p><p>"Are you sure you don't need any help with that?" Kai asked, placing a hand on Cinder's lower back as she stumbled forward on her crutches. She stiffened, but didn't push him away. Kai took her right crutch from her, and wrapped his arm gently around her waist. She slung her uninjured arm clumsily around his own waist, and they set off, Kai bearing most of Cinder's weight.</p><p>Cinder was able to wear her prosthetic, but she wasn't used to it. The crutches were a completely different matter, though. While they did help, Cinder often couldn't tell if she was holding the left one. She never said any of this to Kai, but he could tell.</p><p>"Thanks," Cinder whispered gratefully.</p><p>"Anything for you, my lady," Kai said, and while he meant it as a joke, he really would do just about anything for Cinder.</p><p>"Why do you care so much, Kai?" Cinder stumbled over the icy ground, but her words were steady. Kai contemplated the question, not entirely sure himself. Thorne had asked him the same question, along with Kai's father. There was just something so intriguing about Cinder.</p><p>"Everyone deserves to have someone who cares." Kai answered simply.</p><p>Cinder hummed in acknowledgement, nodding her head softly. "Thank you- for caring."</p><p>Kai blushed deeply, his arms tightening around Cinder. The cold bit at his face and arms, but he was filled with warmth from the inside. He wanted nothing more than to be close to her for the rest of eternity; to feel her warmth.</p><p>The duo trudged into the apartment building, anticipation clawing at Kai's skin. He was beginning to wish that he had not initiated a party, but instead gotten to spend an evening alone with Cinder. He wanted to listen to her voice tell him stories, and comfort her through the shadows of her past. He wanted to be <em>with</em> her.</p><p>They made it up to Cinder's floor only a short elevator ride later. Cinder was visibly sagging with relief and Kai began to wish that he hadn't thrown her a party for an entirely different reason. Sure it was her birthday, and she was finally getting home, but she looked exhausted.</p><p>Kai pulled the apartment room key from his pocket as the couple found themselves in front of the door. He opened the door with misery, knowing in that moment that he had messed up big time.</p><p>"Happy birthday, Fire Angel!" Thorne yelled, tossing glitter into the air. Kai had specifically told Thorne to leave the glitter at home, but he had always been a terrible listener. "Only one more year 'till you're legal!" Kai could have died of shame.</p><p>"Happiest of birthdays, Cinder." Iko smiled cheerily, her blue braids tied up in a messy bun. She looked weird out of uniform, but still absolutely gorgeous.</p><p>"Happy birthday, Selene." Whispered Cress, standing in the shadows of the dark apartment.</p><p>Cinder flinched, shoving herself away from Kai as fast as she could. "What is <em>she </em>doing here?" Cinder's tone was indignant, but betrayed.</p><p>"I-" Kai stammered, his entire demeanor small and vulnerable. "I thought-"</p><p>"What did you do, Kai?" Cinder's face held more betrayal than any ancient biblical kiss ever could. "Why?"</p><p>"I thought you might like to see her again, she's your friend, after all." Kai defended, though he wished that she would scream at him.</p><p>"I can just go-" Cress stammered, her face pale. Her short blonde hair hung around her face in soft waves, and her clothes were bundled on like as if she were an an arctic eskimo.</p><p>"No," Cinder cut in. "I need to go. I have to get out of here. You guys-" Cinder's eyes filled with sadness. It hurt Kai to see her like this. It devastated Kai to know that he had brought this anguish upon her. "I have to go, and I don't want to ever see any of you ever again!"</p><p>Cinder stole her crutch back from Kai, and slammed the ajar door open behind her. Iko rushed out after her, glaring at Kai.</p><p>Kai wanted to die. He longed to be cut into a thousand tiny pieces. He wished that Cinder would punch him, kick him, scream at him for doing something so cruel and stupid. How had he not thought this through better? If Cinder hadn't kept in touch with Cress, it must have been for an excellent reason, and Kai had opened old wounds with his foolishness.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," Cress sobbed, her blue eyes supernovas of sadness. "I- I thought she wanted to see me again."</p><p>"So did I," Kai said. "Don't apologize, Cress. This isn't your fault. I lied to you and Cinder. I shouldn't have ever done that."</p><p>"No, no, no," Cress cried, "you don't understand!"</p><p>Thorne, who had remained silent since Cinder's leaving perked up. "What? What don't we understand?"</p><p>"I should... I should have told you the truth when you came to Olympia." Cress buried her face in her hands. "I know why Selene left, and it's all my fault."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Dangers of Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Slow it down, right now, missy!" Iko yelled from behind Cinder, heels clicking loudly on the white linoleum tile. It wasn't as if Cinder were moving fast- she had tripped multiple times and a turtle could probably out-run her- but Iko's foot attire made her mobility rate even worse than Cinder's. </p><p>"I said that I didn't want to see you." Cinder hissed between her teeth, but slowed down all the same. Anger bubbled from within her chest. She was furious at Kai. She was enraged to see Cress, her tormentor and betrayer. But most of all, she was livid with herself for letting anyone get close to her. They didn't deserve the kind of consequences that came with simply existing near Cinder.</p><p>Iko came to an elegant stop beside Cinder, her breathing slightly heavy. "Oh please, everyone wants to see me." Iko grinned. "I'm gorgeous!"</p><p>Cinder let out a huff, but smiled all the same. No matter how much she hated Kai and Cress, there was no part of her that could ever hate Iko; she was too much like Peony. She spoke with a certain confidence in herself. She loved people, no matter the circumstances. She was good, and kind and oh too boy-crazy. But most of all, she didn't care that Cinder was broken or haunted or different.</p><p>"So," Iko cut across Cinder's thoughts. "Where do you plan on going, seeing that everyone you want to kill is currently occupying your home."</p><p>This caused Cinder to pause. "I hadn't thought that far ahead." She admitted. Her anger had gotten the better of her, and her only thoughts had been to get away from those who loved her before they all got hurt. No one was safe while Cress and Cinder were together. Not with Cress knowing Cinder's past and secrets. She wouldn't let anyone else die... "Maybe I'll go back to the hospital. They'll let me stay there, right?"</p><p>Cinder hated the idea of going back to the place of white fluorescence and sterile air. She didn't want to lay in a bed all day with nothing to keep her hands occupied. She longed for her own space without people monitoring her every move. But if it kept everyone safe, it was the only place she belonged.</p><p>Iko bit her lip, but nodded. The duo began to walk again, this time in silence as both their steps came at a more lethargic cadence. "I'm sure they would..." Iko looked into Cinder's face, her expression not that of a nurse, but of a friend who cared deeply for her counterpart's behalf. "But I think it would be better if you stayed with me." Iko said nonchalantly.</p><p>"Iko, I couldn't possibly. I could-"</p><p>"I wasn't asking, I was telling." Iko smirked, her nose quirked upwards. "I have a guest bedroom, and could really use some company. It's kind of lonely." Iko admitted. "Besides, it's nearly Christmas, and no one deserves to spend Christmas at a Hospital."</p><p>"You're gonna be at the Hospital, Iko." Cinder retorted, though with more affection than acerbity.</p><p>A laugh shot out of Iko, and it was like the sound of a classical piano: high, clear, and beautiful. "Yeah, but I only have an eight-hour shift, and then I get to come home to my cat. And you too, I guess. Thank goodness you're not as hairy."</p><p>"You have a cat?" Cinder questioned, her mind trying and failing to imagine Iko with a cat.</p><p>"No, I'm allergic. But <em>you</em> thought I did." Iko teased. They were now on the first floor, stepping outside and into the cold winter air. Iko shivered in her glamorous, but rather revealing dress. It was only then that Cinder realized that she was still wearing Kai's grey-hoodie. His scent hit her in that moment, and she hated herself for loving the way it enveloped her.</p><p>Cinder hated the idea of putting Iko- a girl who could've been Peony's personality doppelgänger- in any sort of danger; but Cinder was terribly lonely. She had shut everyone one out for so long that she had nearly forgotten how it felt to have human companionship. Now that she had grown re-accustomed to it, the withdrawals were nearly too painful to bear.</p><p>"Are you sure it's okay if I stay with you?" Cinder asked nervously. Half of her wanted Iko to change her mind, but the other half, the one starving, wanted desperately for Iko to make true on her promise.</p><p>Iko hooked a warm arm around Cinder's neck, careful not to hurt her. "Absolutely."</p><p>***</p><p>"What do you mean you 'know why Selene left'?" Thorne blurted at the same moment Kai said: "How could it be your fault?"</p><p>Cress covered her face with her hands and let out a sob. Her soft curling locks of blonde hair cloaked her head like a halo. Her entire frame was shaking with grief, setting both boys into a panic.</p><p>Kai looked at Thorne, his eyes full with worry and terror. He was generally good at handling crying women, but he was clueless as how to help Cress; she seemed devastated. Thorne, on the other hand, looked confused. Both made a multitude of facial expressions, having their own silent arguement while the small girl cried in enemy territory. Finally, Kai jerked his chin forcefully, indicating that he would not be touching the sobbing Cress. Thorne glared and rolled his eyes with resentment, but relented to move towards Cress.</p><p>Thorne placed a gentle hand on Cress' lower back, going for comforting, but only making her flinch. "Hey, hey, calm down." Thorne crooned, and Kai goggled at him. Thorne shrugged his shoulders as if to say: "I don't know what else to do."</p><p>"You need to tell us what happened," Thorne whispered softly into Cress's ear. "Otherwise we can't help you or Cin- Selene."</p><p>Kai knew that Thorne had meant to be a calming influence, but he only seemed to be making Cress's crying worse. Cress sobbed pathetically, muttering words incoherently. Kai held both of his hands out in a question, and Thorne glared murderously at him.</p><p>"Cress," Kai tried. "We have to know what happened between you and Cinder. We can't help her if you won't tell us what you did."</p><p>At his words, Cress hiccupped, and her crying seemed to slow. She turned her face up to gaze at Kai with blood-shot eyes still the color of crystal. Tears still traced down her cheeks, but a determined glint sparkled radiantly in her cobalt-blue eyes.</p><p>"Please," Thorne muttered. "Do it for Selene."</p><p>Cress exhaled slowly, her shoulders sagging as all the tension went out of her body. Thorne led her to the chair that sat at Cinder's desk, and Cress crumpled into is gratefully. Kai and Thorne remained standing in front of her, but Cress didn't seem to mind them towering over her.</p><p>"Do you want to know why Selene freaked out when she saw me tonight?" Cress croaked, placing her trembling hands across her stomach. Kai knew it was rhetorical, but nodded his head all the same, Thorne mirroring his action.</p><p>"We were... friends, back in High School. Selene was always an outsider, but so was I." Cress said. Her voice was soft and vulnerable, and if the circumstances were different, Kai would have given her a hug and told her that she didn't need to talk about it. But she did. This was about Cinder, and for some reason, all other worries seemed to vanish from Kai's mind wherever Cinder was concerned.</p><p>"We became close, and we shared our secrets. She... she told me about her past. She told me about her mom. She told me everything, and asked me to help her to..." Cress bit down on her lip, the words seeming to cost her every ounce of courage. "She asked me to help her fight <em>Her</em>."</p><p>"I told her I would; and I did. I devoted all my time to researching how to make <em>Her</em> stop, but I just couldn't find anything. I-I tried so hard-" Cress's voice broke, and a guttural noise escaped her throat like an animal being run over. "But we didn't save Peony. We- <em>I</em> failed her."</p><p>Thorne looked at Kai with alarm, but Kai still didn't understand what was going on. Was someone after Cinder, or were things much darker than he could imagine?</p><p>"Selene told me what happened, that day that Peony died." Cress wrung her hands together, her red face pinched and full of pain. "I believed her... until I found something- something that fit the tragedy completely, but made Selene, well... a liar." Cress glanced at the floor, unable to maintain eye-contact. Kai knew what Cress had been about to say about Cinder, but hated the idea of it. He could never believe Cinder a murderer- no matter how much all the facts pointed towards that cruel fate.</p><p>"But I got it all wrong. I told everyone that Selene had killed Peony, because I thought she had- had- had-" Cress lost it completely then, curling her entire body in on itself. She looked so pathetic, that even Kai couldn't stand questioning her any more.</p><p>"Hey there," Kai rushed forward at the same time as Thorne. Both of them knelt down in front of her, touching her shuddering form as if her were a fragile bird. "Cress, we're going to talk to Selene. We'll set things right once again."</p><p>"Yeah," Thorne chimed in. "She'll forgive you, I'm sure of it. If you tell her the truth, I'm sure she'll understand."</p><p>Cress moaned as if in agony. "That's not the problem!" She shrieked. "<em>No, no, no no!</em> You don't understand!"</p><p>Kai retracted his hand in shock. "What don't we understand?"</p><p>"Aside from girls and this entire conversation?" Thorne mumbled just loud enough for Kai to hear. He chose to ignore him.</p><p>"I c-can't see Selene." Cress stuttered miserably. "I don't know what I was possibly thinking coming here. It's too dangerous!"</p><p>"What's too dangerous, Cress?" Kai asked urgently. "Why can't you see Selene?"</p><p>Cress kept her face pressed between her palms for a moment before looking straight into Kai's eyes. Her entire demeanor was that of complete and utter agony. Her skin was sallow and pale, and her eyes held shear terror.</p><p>"Because if I do, someone could die. We could all die."</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Christmas and Conspiracies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What's even the point of tinsel?" Iko asked, biting off the head of a frosted gingerbread-man.</p><p>Cinder sprinkled thin strands of silver tinsel along the branches of the miniature tree from the chair she was seated in. There was a single string of white lights climbing through the green, earthy smelling branches, and only a few bulbous ornaments.</p><p>Christmas had always been Cinder's favorite holiday. For one, it was sisters with her birthday, and it was also the only good memory she had of her mother; decorating the Christmas tree had been the only thing they'd ever done together, and Cinder had always gotten to sleep under the tree with all of its beautiful lights.</p><p>"I think it makes it look like it's snowing." Cinder reminisced. When she had been a child, her mother had told her stories of how magical Christmas elves had cast a snowing spell on the tree just for an extra Christmas surprise. Cinder hadn't known that her mother was the Christmas elf, or that tinsel could be bought a dollar per pack.</p><p>Iko snorted, and Cinder glared at her. Over the past couple days the girls had become well acquainted with one another. Iko had grown up with her paternal grandmother in Boston. Her mother had left when she was only two, and her father died of Lymphoma a year later. Iko had no memories of either of them, except for her grandmother forcing her into a black dress for her father's memorial service.</p><p>When Iko turned nineteen, her grandmother died. She was not a wealthy woman, having no education past high school and only ever working at a grocery market, but she left Iko with enough money to pay college tuition. Iko got a degree in nursing, and worked in Boston until she followed her boyfriend to Hayden. When the guy cheated on her with a pretty blonde french girl, she dumped him, but stayed in Colorado. </p><p>"What?" Cinder challenged.</p><p>"It's just..." Iko smiled wistfully. "You come off as this tough I-can-take-care-of-myself kind of woman, but then you say stuff like that and you're an innocent little girl."</p><p>This time it was Cinder's turn to laugh. "Iko, you're only three years older than me, and I'm not a little kid."</p><p>"I know that!" Iko asserted confidently. "It just makes me sad to think that someone like you had to live with... the people you did." Iko smiled morosely. Cinder stared at her with wide eyes, and her heart seemed to crinkle like foil. "Do you want some hot cocoa?" Iko asked, changing the subject before Cinder could sink deeper into self-pity mode. Cinder nodded amiably.</p><p>Iko stood and skipped to the kitchen. She continued to talk to Cinder, prattling on about how her Grandmother had taught her the proper way to make cocoa, but Cinder wasn't listening. Her mind had slipped to the boy with the dazzling copper eyes of fire, black messy hair, and the grey sweatshirt with his scent that Cinder kept on wearing.</p><p>Cinder had tried to hate Kai, but she couldn't. She had thought of every reason why she should: him nosing through her business, him calling her by that cursed name, his bringing Cress back and putting all of them in danger. No matter what she thought, she still couldn't hate the boy who cared only for her well-being.</p><p>She knew that she couldn't stay with Iko forever, and would at some point have to face Kai. It pained her to think of their next meeting and the hurtful words she would have to scourge him with in order to keep him away; because he had to stay away. Cinder wouldn't let him become another casualty of her existence.</p><p>"Here you go," Iko sang, placing a steaming cup of liquid chocolate in Cinder's hands. It only made her think of Kai and his partial chocolate scent.</p><p>"Thanks, Iko," Cinder smiled.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" Iko asked, sipping from her large green mug. Iko was fervent about the color green; she said it went with every holiday and was always festive. That was perhaps why Iko's small apartment was accented with green in the most fashionable way possible.</p><p>Cinder shrugged, taking a swig from her own mug- it was a darker shade of green, more evergreen- and her whole body seemed to tingle with pleasure. She clutched the warm mug tightly against her chest, reveling in the pure bliss of a warm cup of cocoa. "Nothing."</p><p>"Oh, really? I didn't know Kai changed his name" Iko smirked. </p><p>A blush spread across Cinder's cheeks, and she buried her face in her mug. Iko laughed, seeming to get more confirmation to her statement than anything Cinder could have said.</p><p>"Are you really still mad at him?" Iko inquired. "Because personally I think he is way too hot to stay mad at."</p><p>"I think he's more cute than hot," Cinder diverted, her cheeks coloring to Santa's favorite shade of red.</p><p>"Aww," Iko teased, twisting her shoulder upward and grinning. "But really, when are you gonna talk to the guy. He's probably at home, baking Santa cookies and praying that you're under his tree tomorrow morning. You gotta talk to the guy."</p><p>Cinder drained the last of her cocoa with a smack of her lips. The back of her tongue was coated in sticky sugar, but it was all worth it. "He's not obsessed with me, Iko." Cinder dissented. "And he most definitely won't want me under his tree; pine needles give me an allergic reaction."</p><p>Iko laughed at this, just as a knock rang from Iko's door. Cinder froze, her first thought going to Kai. Iko, seeming to read the terror off of Cinder's face put her at ease. "Don't worry, my friend Scarlet is just coming by to drop some things off from the hospital. You remember her, right? She was one of your nurses."</p><p>"Oh, yeah, I like her." Cinder said absentmindedly, her shoulder still tense and eyes on the door. Cinder did in fact like Scarlet, though in a different way than Iko. Scarlet didn't talk much, but was always seemed to know exactly what Cinder needed.</p><p>Another knock sounded at the door, more urgent than the first. "Geez, take a chill, Scar. A lady may take her time to answer the door." Iko yelled, though only more pounding came from her statement.</p><p>Iko unlatched the door, and it swung open before she could even touch the knob. "What the-"</p><p>"Sorry, Iko," Kai winced, his knuckles were red and split. He had great dark circles coloring under his eyes like bruises. His hair was messier than usual, and his clothes were rumpled. Cinder felt her heart twinge with worry for him before remembering her pact to hate him.</p><p>Behind Kai trailed a jovial Thorne- who threw a wink at Cinder and a flirtatious smile at Iko- and a small, scared looking Cress. Cinder froze with terror.</p><p>"Hey!" Iko yelled, trying in vain to shove the onslot out the door. "Get the-"</p><p>"Iko," Kai pleaded. "Please, I have to speak with her; it's urgent."</p><p>"I told you no then, and I'm telling you no now!" Iko spat, standing protectively between Cinder and Kai.</p><p>Kai tried to peer at Cinder, but she was staring at the ground. "I have to-"</p><p>"First you call me a thousand times, and now you break into my house," Iko blazed. "She doesn't want to talk to any of you. Especially if you brought <em>her,</em>" Iko sneered, glaring pointedly at Cress. "So get out, before I make you get out."</p><p>"Sheesh, you have a lot of fire, hot nurse." Thorne whistled. "Do you maybe want to go out sometime?"</p><p>Iko and Kai both turned to glare at Thorne, who respectively put his hands up in surrender. "I'll take that as a I'll-think-about-it."</p><p>"Get out-" Iko fumed.</p><p>"Please!" Kai begged, his eyes glittering and huge.</p><p>"No, I'm done with you hurting Cinder. She doesn't deserve it, so stop. Get out, before I make-"</p><p>"I'll talk with him," Cinder interjected, surprised at the words that came out next. "And Cress."</p><p>"But what about-" Thorne whined.</p><p>Cinder cut him off before the words could escape him. "I have this deep yearning to strangle someone today, and I bet you like your eyes inside your skull, am I right?"</p><p>Thorne pouted. "I'll wait outside."</p><p>Iko glanced at Cinder, a question in her eyes. Cinder could tell that she wanted to stay and help, but this was something that Cinder needed to do on her own. Cinder shook her head.</p><p>"I'll wait outside too." Iko said, obviously trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.</p><p>The two outcasts left out the door, both of them looking rather unhappy to be left out of the fun. When the door clicked shut behind them, Cinder spun on Kai and Cress, her eyes blazing and her heart heavy. "Why on earth-" Cinder practically yelled at Cress, "-would you come back?"</p><p>***</p><p>Kai flinched at Cinder's words- no, the tone of her words. She said them with venom and hate and hurt. Cress hurt Cinder, bad, but Kai knew that they could work it out. He hoped, at least.</p><p>Over the past couple of days, Kai had tried to find Cinder. He tried the hospital, though they had no clue where Cinder was. He tried Iko, but she told him nothing. It wasn't until Kai had spoken with nurse Benoit that he had discovered Cinder's location.</p><p>Kai had called and texted and practically cornered Iko at the hospital, but she had been firm; if Cinder didn't want to see Kai, she didn't have to. But Kai <em>had</em> to.</p><p>Cress had revealed nothing more to Cinder's past than her words after the failed surprise party. She had told Kai and Thorne that it was Cinder's business and that she was done betraying Cinder. Kai admired the loyalty, but he was dying to understand what Cinder's deal was.</p><p>"I have to explain myself." Cress squeaked. "I need you to know why I did what I did and how I've regretted it ever since."</p><p>Cinder scoffed, but didn't interrupt. She wasn't looking at either of them, but burning identical fiery holes into the carpet. She remained seated in her chair, and tinsel decorated her hair and arms. Kai itched to pick it out for her, but restrained himself. </p><p>"I promise, Selene, I am not here to hurt you anymore." Cress cried. She had hardly slept in the past three days. She had stayed at Kai and Thorne's apartment in the guest room, though she tended to spend the nights pacing the house and finding unusual places to read.</p><p>"It's Cinder," Cinder said crossly. She continued to stare at the floor.</p><p>"Cinder," Cress amended. "Remember when we were in high school and you told me about your mom?" Cress asked.</p><p>"Yes," Cinder tiffed. "And I also remembered how you betrayed me and told the whole school how I killed Peony."</p><p>Cress took a step towards Cinder, her hands trembling. "I know," she whispered, "and it has been the greatest regret of my life."</p><p>Cinder looked up, shock in her eyes. "What?"</p><p>"I-I messed up." Cress said. "I researched, just like you asked me to. We tried everything, read every book and none of it made sense. None of it worked."</p><p>Kai glanced between the two girls, confusion and curiosity burning within. He wasn't understanding a word of their conversation; everything was too vague.</p><p>"I started to think that Ran was maybe just a freak accident. The letter was weird, but I mean, it would totally make sense if the shock of the event had made you hallucinate. But after Peony..." Cress swallowed hard. She was now kneeling in front of Cinder, the two girls at eye-level. "I thought that you had <em>created</em> <em>Her</em>. I thought that <em>you</em> had killed Peony."</p><p>Cinder's jaw dropped. "I didn't do it! I told you Cress, I couldn't have created a-"</p><p>"I know!" Cress held her small hand up to silence Cinder. "I realized that after you left. You didn't see <em>Her</em> die, so..."</p><p>"I couldn't have created <em>Her</em>." Cinder finished.</p><p>Cress looked at her old friend, and understanding seemed to pass through them like an electric current. "But I know how to stop <em>Her</em>. I figured it all out. I-I'm sorry that it took me so long to find you, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I-"</p><p>"You know how to destroy <em>Her</em>?" Cinder exclaimed. "Cress, how-?"</p><p>"Do you still have <em>Her</em> bracelet?" Cress asked. She had an illumination to her face, and her eyes were alight with relief.</p><p>"Yes, I do." Cinder confirmed.</p><p>An image of a small braided bracelet shot through Kai's mind. He remembered the letter and the picture as well. The girls were prattling through a list of things that they would need, but Kai's brain was completely lost. He didn't understand a word of their ambiguous conversation.</p><p>"-we'll need to go to the place where it originally happened and summon <em>Her</em>. That's the only way we'll be able to stop her; to confront her." Cress said.</p><p>"Wait wait wait, hold up," Kai took a step forward, and both girls tilted their eyes up to look at them. Bewilderment painted their faces, as though they had forgotten that he was there. "What are you guys talking about? What are we trying to summon? What is <em>going on</em>?"</p><p>Cress looked at Cinder, and the two exchanged a glance. "Do you want me to tell him, or..." Cress asked. Cinder stared at Kai, and it was only then that he noticed she was still wearing his grey sweatshirt.</p><p>"Kai," Cinder murmured, her voice low and conspiratorial. "Do you believe in ghosts?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Lemuralia Phantom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Silence fell across the room like the light snow falling outside the cozy apartment window. Kai stared at Cinder with sullen disbelief, and Cinder gazed right back at him. Cress was glancing between the two of them, her head twisting back and forth so fast that she looked as if she were seizing.</p><p>"What does that have to do with anything?" Kai asked, coming out of his stupor. "What does..." Panic began to rise inside Kai's chest, his breathing quickening and eyes burning. "How could that-"</p><p>"Kai," Cinder cut across, her eyes wide and frightened. She flashed a worried look at Cress, but Kai didn't even notice. "Kai, let me explain." Cinder tried to reason. She attempted to stand from the armchair, but grimaced and remained seated. Kai didn't even flinch at her pain; his mind was too troubled.</p><p>"What is there to be explained?" Kai was almost yelling. "I... I don't understand!"</p><p>"Kai," Cress snapped, getting to her feet. "Calm down." With that, Kai began to laugh. It was the gurgling kind of laughter that took place right before someone died. He sounded like a crazed man, and he knew it- he just couldn't help it.</p><p>"I-"</p><p>"NO!" Kai was yelling now, and he wasn't entirely sure why. It was a simple question; one that could be answered with either a yes or no, but for some reason it set him off. Both the girls flinched back at his outburst. Cinder looked hurt by Kai's words, but he didn't much care at this point. He was done with her lies. He didn't want to hear any more of her myths. He knew that she wasn't prone to sharing the truth, so why should he believe her now? If ghosts were the best excuse she could come up with for why she killed Peony Lihn and Ran Kesley, then maybe she was an outcast for a reason.</p><p>"Kai," Cress scorned, her cheeks were red with fury, but Kai was done with Cinder Lihn. He didn't care about the beautiful angel with too many demons to continue her reign of glory. There was a reason why angels fall, and Kai was only just starting to see Cinder's. "Kai, hear us out."</p><p>"<em>No</em>," Kai affirmed. "I've tried to hear you out. I've asked, practically begged you to tell me the truth, Cinder. I sat by your side and gave you every opportunity in the world to explain what happened to your mother." Kai's breathing was ragged, and his fury was beginning to cool into betrayal. "I fought for you when everyone else turned their backs on you. I thought that I..." <em>Was falling in love with you. </em>"I thought that you were my friend."</p><p>Kai didn't know what he was expecting in response to his argument-- maybe tears and an abrupt apology followed by the truth. But he should have known better; Cinder never cried.</p><p>"You think that you've been there for me?" Cinder sneered. "Well, news flash: you've known me for less than three weeks. You don't know me, and there's a reason behind it. I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want you to die like the others!" Cinder choked on the words, grief making her body shake.</p><p>"And I didn't tell you about my mother because it hurt too much. <em>You</em> of all people would understand that." Cinder's voice was brittle, and her face softened as realization hit her. She knew exactly where to hurt him, and it was all Kai's fault for showing her his weaknesses. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"No, you're not." Kai whispered. Tears rolled down Kai's cheeks in fat hot drops, and he wasn't sure whether they were angry or sad. He absolutely loathed Cinder in that moment. "You're not sorry, because you love hurting people. You must be a sociopath!" Kai laughed bitterly. "You lie to all of your friends and kill the only people who love you. Stars, Cinder, <em>are you even human?</em>"</p><p>The words were a surprise to everyone in the room, including Kai. He instantly regretted saying them, especially after one single tear slipped from Cinder's eye. Cress looked at Kai as if she were staring at a stranger.</p><p>An angry hush came across the room, Kai watching as the large tear slipped down Cinder's cheek. She didn't brush it away, as if she didn't even notice it were there. All she could do was glare at Kai in disbelief.</p><p>"My mother left me when I was six." Cinder said in a low voice. Her entire body was beginning to quiver. "She was a druggie, and in dept. She left me..." Cinder's voice cracked, and Kai had never seen her so weak; not even when she was burning alive. "... and the only thing she left behind was a letter full of empty promises."</p><p>Kai was beginning to feel like the biggest monster to ever walk the earth, but Cinder continued.</p><p>"I was alone in that apartment for two days before the Police came. I was the only relative to my mother, so they asked me to come and identify the body." Cinder's voice had hardened with resolve. "I was too young to actually look at my mother's corpse, but they brought me the only identifiable thing my mother had been wearing: her bracelet. My mother <em>never</em> took off her bracelet."</p><p>"The kind policeman let me have it, seeing how they had already run all the tests that they could get off it. I wish more than anything in the world that the policeman hadn't given me the last piece of my mother. I wish that he would have let that bracelet burn with my mother's corpse, but he wanted me to have something of my mother's before sending me to live in foster care." Cinder closed her eyes, clenching her fists. Cress watched her face with horror, and Kai knew that while Cress was in the loop about the ghost, Cinder's backstory was a devastating new truth to her as well.</p><p>Cinder stared right into Kai's eyes as she spoke her next words. "I didn't understand my mother's vague letter until years later. I didn't understand any of it until Ran Kesley said 'Selene Channary Blackburn, I love you.' And then proceeded to burn alive right before my eyes."</p><p>Horror rippled down Kai's spine, and his eyes bugged out of his head. He wasn't entirely sure he understood what had happened, but he knew that he was about to-- and that he probably wouldn't enjoy the story.</p><p>"You have to read the letter to understand what I mean-" Cinder said, and before thinking, Kai spoke.</p><p>"I've already read it." Kai said. He slapped a hand across his mouth, but the words were already out. He was expecting Cinder to be mad, but she didn't even look surprised. She was probably used to Kai's nosiness by now.</p><p>Cinder nodded, and continued. "Well, the official cause to Ran's death was put down to the house fire that scourged almost the entire Kesley home. Mr. and Mrs. Kesley didn't want me after that, and the reasons were obvious; they thought that I had set the house on fire-- which isn't entirely uncommon for troubled youth-- and in the process, killed their youngest son."</p><p>Kai would have to agree that the Kesley's logic sounded pretty true to him, but he didn't say so. He was waiting for the part when the letter tied in-- or, when Cinder actually admitted to lighting the house on fire and killing Ran Kesley.</p><p>"Now," Cinder continued, clearing her throat of grief. "What the report didn't say is that right before the house caught on fire, the ghost of Channary Blackburn appeared."</p><p>"<em>What?</em>" Kai's head was spinning, but somehow, he wasn't confused. It almost-- almost-- made sense. "How could she just appear?"</p><p>"You see," Cress cut in, her face alight with excitement. "That's what we had been trying to figure out back in Olympia."</p><p>"I was confused as to why my mother's ghost would appear to me. I didn't understand. I put it down to a hallucination for a long time; until I met Cress." Cinder said. "Cress believed in ghosts. She had never seen one like I had, but she had a thing for historical ghost sites like Gettysburg. She explained to me how, if a person dies a traumatic and brutal death, they come back as a ghost."</p><p>"Ghosts have these things called power sources," Cress continued. "They're the things that connect them to the living. Although the object cannot be, well, living. For example, Channary's power source is her bracelet."</p><p>"But we couldn't figure out. We thought that it could be an Interactive Ghost, but those can't touch the human world in a physical way." Cinder said animatedly, though the words were simply going in one ear and out the other for Kai. "A Gef Kobold Ghost almost fit the profile as well, but those just prank people and don't seek revenge like my ghost seemed to be doing." Cinder clarified.</p><p>Cress started to pace the room, her nerves and excitement filling her with energy. Cinder, on the other hand, was playing with her fingers. Kai only stood there, stock still and shocked.</p><p>"When Peony died, I started to doubt what Cinder said about it not being under her control." Cress admitted ashamedly. "I thought that she had created a poltergeist, and that's why I turned on her."</p><p>Cinder began to smile as she looked at Cress, the two sharing a knowing look now instead of one filled with betrayal. "But I wasn't there when my mother died. In order for have me to have created a poltergeist, I would have had to experience the trauma first-hand." Cinder was hardly breathing for talking too fast.</p><p>"After Cinder left, I realized that I had been mistaken; I should have realized that it wasn't a poltergeist, but I didn't really understand until I talked to Liam Kinney about Cinder's past." Cress filled in. She looked too anxious and excited. Kai feared that she would explode-- or worse, burst into flames.</p><p>"And now I know the truth. Cinder, I know what kind of ghost your mother is." Cress bit her lip, staring at her old friend. Kai felt like an intruder, entering in on a moment of privacy.</p><p>"What is <em>She</em>?" Cinder breathed the question, almost too quiet for Kai to hear.</p><p>Cress folded her arms across her chest and took a step closer to Cinder. "They call it a Lemuralia Phantom, or Lemur Ghosts. The ancient Romans used to believe that they were ghosts that were angry that they didn't get proper funeral rites, or that their lives were cut too short. They're extremely rare."</p><p>"The Lemur Ghosts can touch the human world in such ways as <em>fire</em>." Cress buzzed. "They also have certain key things that agitate them into wakefulness. Sometimes it's a certain day of the year, whereas for others, it can be a phrase."</p><p>"Oh my stars," Cinder muttered. "You mean-"</p><p>"Yeah, I do." Cress squeaked. In Kai's personal opinion, she seemed way too excited over a ghost, but maybe it was just the fact that she had her old best friend back. Some girls got excited over clothes. These were thrilled over the different types of ghosts. What was the difference really?</p><p>Kai held up a hand, stopping the duo from moving on before he even had the chance to catch up. "Wait wait wait, I'm still lost. How is the Lemuralia thingy ghost summoned? Is it possible that it could be destroyed?"</p><p>The two girls exchanged a look of exasperation as if to say 'how could he be so slow?' before Cress turned and stared at him with her vivid blue eyes.</p><p>"Okay, so Channary's ghost is very upset. In the letter she left Cinder she says that Cinder is the only thing that she loves, so she has a very strong connection with her." Cress translates. "Channary is very possessive over Cinder, and so whenever someone says 'Selene Channary Blackburn, I love you' and means it, she attacks them with the only power that she has as a ghost: fire."</p><p>"Alright," Kai nodded his head, everything starting to make sense somehow. "How do we get rid of her then? Do we have to sacrifice someone, or something?" The thought made Kai panic. "She won't kill Cinder, will she?"</p><p>Cress simply laughed, her whimsical voice like a gentle melody. "Don't sound so worried. In the letter, Channary says that she will do anything to protect Cinder. Hurting her would kind of defeat the whole purpose of everything."</p><p>"Fine, but how do we destroy <em>Her</em>?" Kai asked, wondering when he had started believing their tales. Kai wouldn't have said that he believed in the supernatural, but with two highly intelligent females affirming that ghosts are real, he had started to accept the concept.</p><p>Cinder raised an eyebrow at Cress, a question written across her face like bright red paint. Cress's cheek dimpled with a wicked half smile. "I'm glad you asked."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Song to the Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So to recap what you're saying: Cinder's mother is actually a psycho ghost that we have to kill by going to Denver and lighting an old bracelet on fire?" Thorne practically gasped for air as he gave Kai a look that said he thought they should all be locked in an asylum.</p><p>"Yes," Cress responded without waiting a beat. "But we have to summon her mother first, or else we won't be able to banish her spirit to the Gray Realm." She said all of this as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world. "And whoever says the trigger words has to really mean them, or else it won't work."</p><p>Thorne sucked his lips in between his teeth and looked as if he were trying not to burst with laughter. "Okay, okay. So are we gonna do this now, or wait until after Christmas, or...?"</p><p>"I'm not making this up, Thorne." Cinder barked with agitation. Kai yearned to reach for her and lend some comfort, but he got the sense that it would only increase her anger.</p><p>Kai had come to believe Cinder and Cress after only a few minutes of arguing, but that didn't erase what he had said before he had come to the conclusion that they weren't lying. Cress may have forgiven Kai, but Cinder still remained stand-offish from him.</p><p>"They're not lying, Thorne." Kai said, earning an eyeroll from his best friend. "They're not!" Kai exclaimed, feeling more and more defensive— though that may have just been his desire for Cinder to forgive him speaking.</p><p>Iko stepped toward Cinder and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I believe it." Iko said. "I've always believed in ghosts, and your story makes complete sense." Thorne scoffed, but didn't interrupt.</p><p>"I've heard of the Gray Realm before, but what exactly is it? Why can't the ghost just go directly into the afterlife?" Iko asked, glancing a Cress.</p><p>A devilish grin spread across Cress' face, making her look like a mischievous schoolgirl. "The reason is this: the ghosts have come back to earth for another 'chance at life' and that makes them unable to live in whatever the afterlife is."</p><p>"So what is the Gray Realm?" Kai voiced the inward concerns of everyone else in the room. His whole brain hurt from his new knowledge of ghosts and whatever, but at least it all made sense.</p><p>"I was leading up to that," Cress spoke in a mocking tone. She looked at Cinder, raised her brows, and then turned back to Kai as if they were all petulant children who couldn't grasp one plus one.</p><p>"The Gray Realm—or Gray Void as some call it— is just another dimension of this world, but without all of the humans and stuff." Cress nodded and grinned in a way one would while talking about the probability of rain that afternoon. "Ghosts get caught in between the two realms, or the middle void. You have to banish them to the Gray Realm or else they're stuck in the middle realm forever."</p><p>"That's why old war-sites or places where murders happened are often said to be haunted." Cinder added with an air of professionalism. "It's hard enough to track down the power source of a single ghost who you knew well, but hundreds of ancient people whose power sources and backgrounds are impossible to figure out— it's not even fathomable."</p><p>Kai was beginning to wonder if one could pass out from information overload, just as Thorne put his hands in the air to silence the flow of confusion. "Whoa, okay, okay, please stop." Thorne paced across the room in a flurry of agitation, and Kai was right there with him. "While all of this creepy stuff actually <em>almost</em> makes sense, I don't understand why Cinder's ghost isn't like the others."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Cress and Cinder asked at the exact same moment.</p><p>Thorne scoffed, walked towards Cinder, and kneeled in front of her. He held his hands forward in a pleading motion, as if to signify his submission. His face had gone from bewildered to calm in three seconds flat— which Kai found an incredible feat considering the circumstances.</p><p>"Ghosts don't kill people normally, do they?" Thorne questioned. "Ghosts stay where they die, so why is Cinder's mom following her where ever she runs?"</p><p>Cinder placed a gentle hand on top of Thorne's, surprising everyone else in the room. "It's because I carry my mother's power source. The bracelet; I've always had it with me because I want to get rid of her, but it's also carried her with me."</p><p>"We tried burning it one time in High School, but its didn't even singe." Cress added. "We have to summon her first, and it has to be in Denver or else she can't be banished."</p><p>"As far as ghosts go, <em>She'</em>s strong. She's not vulnerable unless we summon her on the site of her death." Cinder swallowed hard, her face contorting.</p><p>Kai hurt as he watched Cinder. She was too young to have no parents; too young to have watched the only people who loved her die in front of her eyes; too young to be so broken. Kai wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her that it would be alright. He longed to shield her from all her woes— but some demons must be fought.</p><p>"Well," Kai said, nearly choking on his words. "What are we waiting for?"</p><p>***</p><p>"Your legs are taking up all the space," Thorne whined. "My right leg is all tingly now. Give me more space."</p><p>"Shut up, Thorne, we're almost there." Kai scolded from the driver's seat, sounding more akin to an agitated father than a best friend.</p><p>"Like I have more space," Iko threw back, knocking her legs into Thorne. "And your legs are too hot and sweaty. They're making me feel uncomfortable."</p><p>Cress moved her legs until they were crossed and crammed against the door. "Here, Iko, you can move your legs closer to mine."</p><p>"Oh, and now you're trying to make me feel bad!" Thorne exclaimed, pointing a wild finger at Cress. "And," Thorne drew a vicious finger on Iko, "my legs are sweaty because they have no room to breathe and are crying."</p><p>The bickering in the backseat continued, but Cinder didn't even notice. Her brain was too distracted. She was scared of what would happen; she didn't want anyone else to get hurt. She was frightened to have her friends with her. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if anything happened to them.</p><p>Cinder remembered the first time her mother had come and attacked Ran Kesley. He was her first real friend, and she loved him more than she thought she could ever love a person. He didn't tease her for not having any family. He never cared that her mother had been killed because she was so far in debt because of her drug addiction. Ran only ever loved her, and he paid the unforgiving price of his own life for it.</p><p>Peony's death had been different. She really was like a sister to Cinder. They bickered, and discussed the hottest actors on television, and shared books that they liked. Peony was the only person who ever felt like family. Her love had been so pure and innocent— so blind and foolish.</p><p>Kai reached forward and held onto Cinder's burned hand. He didn't say a word, but just held it, and Cinder didn't let it go.</p><p>Cinder was still furious with Kai for everything he had done. He had stocked her, and dug into her past, and even gone through her most personal items. She may have made up with Cress, but it wasn't his business bringing back her ghosts. He was honest about looking through her stuff and finding the letter, but it was still rude and selfish.</p><p>Yes, Cinder was mad at Kai, but there was also something else. She needed someone— someone to just be there for her. She longed to be held. She wanted everything to go away, for the monster to just stay under the bed. Everything was too soon and scary, but Kai was always there to protect her. Kai was her guardian angel, but too human to be perfect at his job.</p><p>"It's going to be okay," Kai whispered. His thumb traced careful circles along her hand, and Cinder felt her anger melting away.</p><p>"Thanks, Kai," Cinder murmured, her eyes growing hot.</p><p>Kai didn't say anything, or even look at her, but he kept hold of her hand. And that was all she needed in that moment.</p><p>"If a person is killed by a ghost, and it's super violent, do they come back as a ghost?" Thorne wondered aloud, earning an elbow to the ribs from Iko. "Ow, sheesh, I just want to know if I'll be coming back if Cinder's mom kills me."</p><p>"Why would she want to kill you?" Cress asked, before turning red and turning away.</p><p>Kai coughed, "I could think of a few reasons why."</p><p>"Oh, HAHA, just laugh at the only guy who doesn't have a death wish." Thorne mocked, clapping his hands in the air. "I'm just.." Thorne's blind rage vanished as quickly as the car stopped.</p><p>Everyone fell silent as Kai parked the car. Thorne put his hands down, and suddenly he looked ten years younger. Cinder could feel the vibrations flowing from the spot. She could sense her mother, and more importantly, she could sense the fear.</p><p>No one said anything as they took in the scenery. It was a park, empty and barren in the dead of winter. Naked trees lined the area, and the wind howled at the blood red sunset. The whole world appeared to stop for that single instant, as if the ghosts had come to pay a visit from the past.</p><p>Memories of coming to this same park with her mother swarmed through Cinder's brain. She remembered her playing on the swing set and begging her mom to push her higher. She could picture her mother's beautiful face waiting for her at the bottom of the slid. She could hear her high, cool laughter floating on the wind like a song to the lost.</p><p>Cinder was the first to break the silence, never turning to look at the others. "You don't all have to come if you don't want to."</p><p>No one answered, so Cinder continued. "Thorne, I know you didn't sign up for this at all. Same for you too Iko." Cinder turned to look at Kai, an almost teasing look on her serious face. "You kind of did ask for it, but I won't blame you it you want out. You could all die, and I don't want any of you to feel as if you owe me, because you don't."</p><p>"Cress, I know there's no way of talking you out of this, and there's no one else I would rather have by my side." Cinder smiled at her old friend, and Cress smiled back with regret.</p><p>"You've all been amazing friends, but you guys should know by now that my friends don't have that long of a life span." Cinder choked out. "I care about you guys, and I don't want any of you to get hurt."</p><p>"And we care about you," Cress said instantly. She placed a comforting hand on Cinder's shoulder, and Iko did the same. "So we're all coming with you, whether you like it or not."</p><p>Thorne bit his bottom lip, but didn't reject the point. Cinder glance from each of her friends faces. At Cress, both determined and fearless; at Iko, kind and loving; at Thorne, reckless and brave; at Kai, intelligent and supportive. They were her friends, and they weren't going to leave her.</p><p>"Alright, then." Cinder nodded her head at each of them. "Let's go."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. The Dawn of Human Suffering</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Light snow was beginning to fall under the cover of a purple dusk, but Kai didn't feel the edging bite of cold. The five friends stood huddled together in a tight circle, humbly awaiting for the absence of the sun.</p><p>Cress had told them that the night sky would be better to summon <em>Her</em> because the gray realm is closer to the middle realm when the sky is dark. It all had something to do with how ghosts become more active within the cover of twilight and human fear.</p><p>A determined Cinder stood beside Kai, her slouched form shivering against her crutches. She held an old, worn envelope that contained the key to summoning the ghost of her mother. Her expression was stony and undecipherable, though Kai could feel nervous energy bouncing off of her like an electrical current.</p><p>"It's almost time," Cress observed. "We should come up with some sort of game plan for what we'll do once we summon <em>Her</em>."</p><p>"Wait," Thorne intruded, "won't we just summon her, burn the bracelet, and be done with her?"</p><p>"Essentially, but there are still some minor details that we might want to go over." Cress admitted, blushing as she looked at Thorne. "She might try to talk to us. She could attempt to hurt us, although I believe that we have to say the trigger words for her to be allowed to even touch us."</p><p>"It sounds like a horcrux." Kai said, earning a stare from each of his friends. "You know, in <em>Harry Potter</em>?"</p><p>"Anyways," Cress continued, ignoring Kai's words. "We need to be prepared for all the worst case scenarios."</p><p>"Worst case scenario, all of you run." Cinder said. "She'll stay with me, and she also won't hurt me. I only need Cress to say the magic words and then you can all leave."</p><p>"But won't she catch on fire?" Thorne asked, his voice hesitant to ask the question.</p><p>Cress shrugged her shoulders and held her head high. "We don't know; but if I do, just try to put me out fast."</p><p>A hush fell back over the group at Cress's words of bravery, but all Kai could feel was his own resolve. Kai looked at everyone huddled together, and wondered how on earth his life had gotten to this point. Less than a month ago Kai was a simple college student at business school. His best—and only—friend was Carswell Thorne. He didn't believe in ghosts. He wasn't ever at risk of dying. He wasn't in love with a girl who saying 'I love you' to could get him killed.</p><p>Kai wasn't entirely sure what his life had been leading up to. He enjoyed business school, but it wasn't his passion. Kai wanted to see things, and learn, and meet new people everyday. His father had given him all that he could offer, but Kai only wanted that which wasn't his. Kai was facing a situation that could lead to death, and all he could think of was his regret. Now was the time to redeem himself.</p><p><em>I could hold the entire world in my hands</em>, Kai thought. <em>Yet all I want is to hold Cinder. All I want is Cinder. She is the world. She is the one. She is the reason to everything, and now I know why Channary would do everything in her power to keep her safe.</em></p><p>"Cinder," Kai could feel his heart choking him with all the words he could not say. "I... I..." <em>I love you</em>.</p><p>"What Kai?" Cinder asked, tilting her head to the side. She looked so young, so beautiful. Kai felt an ache within him. His entire being was drawn to her, and he couldn't control it. The prospect of dying had his heart making a deathbed request: to kiss her. "What is it?"</p><p>Kai took a step toward Cinder. He reached his hand out towards her and placed his fingers against her frozen cheek. Her eyes widened in surprise, though she did not draw away from him. Kai took this as a good sign and brought his other hand up to her face.</p><p>Cinder regarded Kai with questioning brown eyes that made him want to write poetry. It was as if the whole world had gone silent and they were the last two humans left on earth. Blood pounded in Kai's ears, and the muted wind blew Cinder's messy hair around her face.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Cinder asked. Her eyelashes fluttered with the falling snow. Her lips were slightly parted and chapped from the cold— and Kai couldn't stop looking at them. Her uninjured hand left its crutch to rest against Kai's hand, her icy fingertips made him shiver. "Kai?"</p><p>The pull towards her was agonizingly strong. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to screw anything up. He could get them all killed, but what if they were already doomed? Someone would have to say the words, and Kai was done watching everyone else get hurt.</p><p>Kai leaned in and brought his lips gently to Cinder's. She tensed for a moment, then relaxed and kissed him back. She wound her fingers into Kai's hair, and he brought his free hand down to her neck. He could feel the blood pounding through her veins, and could taste blood and ice on her lips. A burning sensation rushed throughout Kai's body; he could have kissed Cinder for the rest of his life and been perfectly content.</p><p>Cinder was the first to break away, dropping her hand back to the handle of her crutch so as not to touch him. She appeared frazzled, but not agitated. Kai's lips were cold without hers, and he hurt as though he had been stabbed where her fingers no longer rested. His anguish burned in his eyes, and he couldn't let go of Cinder. <em>He couldn't let go of her</em>.</p><p>"Cinder," Kai whispered, but she wouldn't look him in the eyes. He no longer cared where he was or what he was about to do. He couldn't care less if the whole world had just been lit aflame; he didn't care if he was about to be lit aflame. "Selene," Kai croaked.</p><p>Cinder froze, her eyes large and afraid. Tension boiled around them like a pot of water over a fire. Kai couldn't hear his friends speaking around him. He couldn't see Cinder's silent warning not to say it. He didn't feel her shove him away. The only thing he knew where his lips whispering the words he had wanted to say for weeks. The words were his destiny and fate.</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>And that's when Kai burst into flames.</p><p>***</p><p>"Kai, no!" Cinder screamed as she watched a lightning bolt of fire strike Kai's body from the heavens. He was a blazing human torch, sending beacons of light up to hellcast sky— he was the dawn of human suffering.</p><p>Around Cinder, her friends echoed her cry. An anguished scream reverberated throughout the wooded area, harmonizing with a predatorial growl. Cinder knew that sound, for it haunted her every dream. It was the sound that she heard when she was alone with her thoughts; it was the background music of her brain.</p><p>The smell of burning hair and flesh bore into Cinder's senses. She collapsed to the ground, her entire body trembling with the shock and memories. Her body was out of her control. She could no longer help Kai. She never could. In the end, she was only ever intended to hurt him.</p><p>Her friends weren't so helpless.</p><p>Thorne charged at Kai, a determined glint in his horror-struck eyes. He tackled Kai to the ground, bringing him in rolling circles across the snow. Kai continued to shriek with the agony of being burned alive, but the flames were beginning to die.</p><p>Cress ran to Kai and Thorne, pulling off her coat and beating Kai with it in frantic motions. Iko moved to Cinder's side, telling her to breathe. Spots of black danced across Cinder's vision with the red and orange of the torch that was once a boy. Her throat appeared to have closed off, because no matter how hard she tried, Cinder couldn't bring oxygen into her lungs.</p><p>Panic rushed through Cinder, heavier than she could have imagined. She clutched at her chest as the hyperventilations became too intense. She could no longer see Kai, but Ran. Ran was aflame, and Cinder could only watch as his flesh became a blazing meal for Hell.</p><p>Then Ran became Peony— peaceful as she silently bore pain that can only be aroused by fire. They were burning, burning, burning. Everything was on fire. The earth had erupted into violent flames. Hell had been cast upon the face of the world and nothing could be seen except the dancing forms phoenix's turing the earth into ashes.</p><p>And now Cinder herself was burning. Her skin steamed and peeled off in layers as the inferno consumed her body; but the worst part was the smoke.</p><p><em>Smoke, smoke, smoke</em>. It blinded her. It choked her. It drowned every sense she possessed as a human being. She could no longer see the flames, but the wispy ladies of fate dancing in front of her eyes. Nothing existed anymore except for the smoke.</p><p>
  <em>Smoke</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smoke</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smoke</em>
</p><p>But this time Kai wasn't there to save her from the storm of flames and smoke. Her hero had been struck down by a blade of kryptonite, only it was Cinder who had stabbed him.</p><p>"Cinder," Iko screamed somewhere within the smoke. "Cinder, breathe!"</p><p>But Cinder couldn't breathe; not with all of the smoke.</p><p>"It's all going to be okay, Cinder. Just breathe." Iko shook Cinder, but Cinder still couldn't see Iko. <em>How was Iko still breathing? </em>Cinder wondered.</p><p>"It's not real, Cinder." Iko yelled. "It's not real, just breathe. Breathe in and out with me, okay?" Iko's voice pitched higher.</p><p><em>How can she still breathe? </em>Cinder thought. <em>How come I'm the only one choking?</em></p><p>"Cinder, IN!" Iko screached. Cinder tried to suck in, but all she could inhale was smoke.</p><p>"OUT!" Black sludge spewed from her mouth.</p><p>"IN!" Rolling clouds of stormy fire raided her lungs.</p><p>"OUT!" A thousand cigarettes worth of smoke swirled from her mouth. The sky was no longer black, but dark gray and stormy.</p><p>"IN!" Ice bit at Cinder's lungs with vicious ferocity.</p><p>"OUT!" Golden eyes were staring at Cinder, and blue braids were tickling her frozen face.</p><p>"Iko," Cinder croaked, weak and tired from all the smoke— but the smoke was gone. "Where'd all the smoke go?" Cinder slurred.</p><p>"Kai's gonna be fine, Cinder." Iko said, which didn't make any sense. Was Kai the one making the smoke? Where was Kai?</p><p>Cinder was just about to ask her questions, when a long lost voice spoke instead.</p><p>"Selene?" Channary cried hysterically. "What are you doing to my Selene?" The woman was tall, thin, and severely burned. She had a face which had once held beauty and charm, but had lost all of its glory.</p><p>"Mom?" Cinder wheezed. "Mom, mom stop. Don't hurt them."</p><p>Cinder pushed herself off the ground, no longer tired. There was no smoke in the air but a thin trickle swirling up from a small form on the ground. Cinder had not been choking on smoke; she had been drowning in memories.</p><p>"My dear Selene, are you alright?" Channary asked with concern. "I won't let them touch you. I will not let anyone else hurt you."</p><p>Channary rushed forward, as if to hug her daughter, but her hands went straight through Cinder. A shiver ran down Cinder's spine, and she recoiled from the loving touch. "Selene?"</p><p>"Don't hurt them." Cinder panted, taking a step back from her mother. Out of the corner of her eye, Cinder could see Cress and Thorne gently touching a motionless Kai. He was no longer on fire, but his skin was red and blistering. "Just don't hurt them anymore, mom." Cinder drew the bracelet from the envelope still clutched in her injured hand. "Stop hurting me."</p><p>A cry of anguish burst forth from Channary. "Hurt <em>you</em>? I would never hurt you, my princess!" Channary threw her body towards Cinder, but there was still no contact. "All I've ever wanted was to protect you; first from the bad men, and now from <em>them</em>."</p><p>"And you did protect me from the bad men, mom. You saved me." Cinder soothed, sounding more like the mother who was trying to calm a confused toddler. "But these people aren't trying to hurt me. They're my friends."</p><p>"That's what they always say," babbled Channary. "They make promises like jokes. They tell you they love you, but then they only hurt you. No one can be trusted."</p><p>Cinder reached for her dead mother, but still no contact was made. It hurt to see her mom like this: dead as the corpse she had identified, but still as crazy in life. She remembered a time when her mom had been healthy, strong, and sane, but it was nearly a dream. Cinder's childhood was gone, and it was about time her mother was as well.</p><p>"Mom, they're not going to hurt me. No one has hurt me except for you." Cinder's voice cracked on the last part, and she felt her eyes sting. She needed to distract her mom from the others. She needed to hurt her— to kill her. She didn't want to do it, but it was of mice and men.</p><p>Channary wept desperately; just like she had the last time Cinder saw her. Cinder could barely understand her through the sobs. "I... I have... never... hurt... princess... never... my... princess... never..."</p><p>"Mom," Cinder stood as close as she dared to the crazed ghost. "I know you didn't mean to. But I was only a kid. You were supposed to be there, but you weren't. You said you would come home, but you didn't."</p><p>Cinder could see Thorne gingerly lugging Kai up with the help of Iko. They got him into a fireman's carry, and began to lug his broken body away.</p><p>Cress was out of sight, but Cinder knew that she must have been preparing the fire. She was always there. Cinder only wished she had given Cress more credit before, and not been so quick to assume.</p><p>"I couldn't come home, my love. I couldn't help what happened. They... they caught up with me. They killed me. I tried... but I failed." Channary shed silent silvery tears. Her body looked as real as Cinder's, her tears being the only visible giveaway to her true form.</p><p>"I know you tried, mom." Cinder said. "But I can protect myself. I can choose who I love and not get hurt, mom."</p><p>A cool laugh echoed from Channary. She wiped her tears out of her eyes, and smiled down on Cinder. It was the first time Cinder had felt like a child in nearly fourteen years. "My dear Selene, you innocent child. Love is a conquest, love is a war." Channary giggled "And don't think I've forgotten about your little friends."</p><p>Cinder's blood turned to ice, as Channary spun around. She snapped her fingers in a simple motion, making Iko, Thorne, and Kai collapse to the ground.</p><p>"No!" Cinder screamed. "Stop! Don't hurt them!" Cinder could feel the panic welling within her. All of her friends were about to die, and it was all her fault. At least her mother hadn't spotted Cress. "Please," Cinder whimpered.</p><p>"Ah, my princess, I'm sorry. Children always think they know best, but that is why we have parents. Believe me; mommy knows best." Channary smiled at Cinder in a sickly sweet way that made Cinder want to punch a wall.</p><p>A crackle of leaves sounded behind Cinder, and she felt her heart drop. Channary turned and spotted Cress' small form, her wicked grin growing wider.</p><p>Another snap of fingers, and Cress was collapsed on the ground, completely helpless. Cinder could feel her mounting horror at the vision before her. She could feel another panic attack welling inside her mind and chest. It was all of her worst memories and nightmares coming to play like a horror movie.</p><p>"Which shall I save you from first, my dearest Selene?" Channary hummed gleefully. "Which shall I rescue you from first, besides the most dangerous one. Luckily I already struck the little fiend who dared to hurt you."</p><p>Boiling rage bubbled violently inside of Cinder, canceling out the panic. She couldn't believe that anyone could ever call Kai a fiend. He was all of the goodness in the world. He had saved her from a fate of flames, and yet her mother wanted to bestow that same destiny upon him only for <em>loving</em> Cinder.</p><p>"Who shall it be, my princess?" Channary chuckled. "Who shall it be? Who shall it be?" Channary was spinning in circles like a little girl playing Ring Around the Rosie. "Who shall it be? Who shall it be? WHO SHALL IT BE?" Channary screamed, flinging her sharp body to and fro.</p><p>"Me," Cinder snapped.</p><p>Channary stopped her childish spinning. She stared at her beloved daughter that could have been her identical twin. They had the same brown hair, thinned by hardships and fire. They were both thin and bony from lack of love and care. They both had the same scarred bodies that had been caressed thoroughly by fires mistress.</p><p>"What did you say?" Channary asked.</p><p>"It shall be me." Cinder said, taking off her coat and unravelling the cotton bandages covering her scarred hand. They had healed well and fast, but she would always have the shiny pink flesh of scar tissue.</p><p>A shriek of agony came from Channary as she fell to the ground at Cinder's feet. She tried to clutch at Cinder's mangled hands, but her fingers went straight through Cinder. She sobbed with a saddened passion that was hard to watch.</p><p>"It shall be me," Cinder repeated, "because I've caused myself more pain than anyone here. I've only been hurt because I love you." Cinder paused only a moment before yelling, "Cress, now!"</p><p>Flames lit the ground in an instant, spilling light and warmth across the dark landscape. Channary leapt to her feet in outrage, but it was too late; Cinder had already thrown the bracelet onto the smoldering fire.</p><p>"No!" Channary screamed as her body began to melt. "No! My princess, my love, why are you doing this to me?" Channary sobbed in anguish, her skin smoking and peeling away from the bones. "I'm your mother!" Channary yelled. "Why must you hurt me Selene? What did I do wrong?" Channary's body was nearly gone, but her voice still fought to be heard until there was nothing left of Channary Blackburn.</p><p>Cinder stared at the boiling tar-like mush that had once been her mother's ghost. "Everything," Cinder whispered. "You did everything wrong." Cinder's eyes stung. "But I still loved you."</p><p>A sob burst from Cinder, and she fell to the ground. Sorrow and grief for her mother spilled forth in the form of hysteria. She felt nothing and everything all at once. She felt gratitude and regret. She felt freedom and confinement.</p><p>"Mom..." Cinder cried. "Mom... mommy... I'm... I'm so sorry... mommy..." Cinder's hands reached for the place where her mother had been, but she was gone. "Oh, mom," Cinder whimpered.</p><p>"Cinder," Cress snapped, sounding surprisingly sharp during Cinder's moment of weakness. "We have to go, Cinder."</p><p>"My mom..." Cinder cried, knowing she sounded like a child but not caring. She had lost the final pieces of her mother, and it hurt more than she ever could have imagined.</p><p>Cress wrenched at Cinder's arm, trying and failing to pull her from the ground. "Cinder, we have to go now."</p><p>"Cress..." Cinder whispered. "Why?"</p><p>It took Cress a moment to answer, and that's when Cinder remembered what had happened. The fire. The boy. The three words. A sacrifice that should never have been made. Cinder's grief took only an instant to transform into panic.</p><p>"Kai?" Cinder asked.</p><p>
  <em>Silence.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>One year later</em>
</p><p>Headstones lined the graveyard like the barren teeth of death. Rows upon rows of long forgotten names shone from snow covered marble and stone. Bright carnations and beautiful lilies decorated the lonesome graves in a show of respect and love for those who had not yet lapsed from the minds of the living.</p><p>Among the snow and headstones stood a girl. From afar, she looked ordinary; peacefully acknowledging the emptiness within. She had no tears on her face, though it was rare known that the girl had cried less times in the past ten years than she had fingers. Her statuesque frame showed no wear from the grief tearing at her very soul. She remained alone, but no one could tell.</p><p>Memories were reeling within the girl's brain like a devastating movie. Pain lanced through her thoughts like the fire that had so easily eaten away at her flesh. Still, no tears escaped her deep set eyes, for the girl was named after the devastation that followed fire. She was the dust of the morning hearth— and no matter how hard she tried to disappear, Cinder would always be there.</p><p>Cinder knelt in front of the grave, pressing her forehead to marble. Her skin itched with empathy of the burns. She could perfectly recall the memories of flickering flames across flesh. Her eyes burned with the flashbacks. Smoke, flames, the boy who she loved so much. Why hadn't the fire taken her then?</p><p>"<em>Why?</em>" Cinder whispered to wind. "Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? Why did you have to love me so much? What was so wrong with you to love me?" Cinder sobbed, "<em>Why...?</em>"</p><p>Silence was her answer, just as it had been all the other times she had voiced her questions. No more ghosts would be keeping her company. Cinder was finally alone.</p><p>It was more terrible than she could have ever imagined.</p><p>Tracing her gloved fingers against the cool stone, Cinder let her troubles sing across the cold breeze of winter. "My life has changed a lot since you left." Cinder choked on the words. "I'm not scared anymore. I was always living in fear, but not now. I wish that you leaving wasn't the reason why I'm no longer afraid. I wish that you were still here. I w-wish that you got to see me now." Cinder let out a sob, but no tears came. "I wish you hadn't left."</p><p>Cinder threw her arms around the headstone, as if to hug the one person who could no longer embrace her. Her body shook with the aching sadness. It wasn't as if she had never mourned the death, but only now was it hitting her so hard.</p><p>A warm hand stroked Cinder's hair with loving comfort. She hadn't heard the footsteps approach, but could now hear them kneel down beside her, knees creaking and coat swishing in the cold winter air. She leaned back into the touch, but didn't turn around to look into the face of her comforter.</p><p>"It had to be done, Cinder," said the voice behind her. "There wasn't any other way."</p><p>Cinder nodded her head. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly. The cold nipped at her face, but all she could feel was the numbing pain within her. "I know," Cinder whispered, tracing her fingers along the simple engraven letters. "I just wish there had been another way."</p><p>A sigh sounded behind Cinder, but it wasn't a frustrated one; it was sad. Cinder sniffed, but either the cold or her emotions were making her nose run. She swiped her nose with the sleeve of her coat, not caring at all for the stains it would leave.</p><p>Arms wrapped around Cinder from behind. She didn't realize how cold she had been until the warmth of the embrace brought her back to reality. That was the hardest part about feeling things— she could no longer be numb.</p><p>Harsh black letters spelled out the name of someone who had been impossible to forget, no matter how hard Cinder had tried. Seventeen letters carved into marble, completely alone save the birth and death dates. Cinder traced the words <em>Channary Blackburn </em>one last time, before turning and burying her face into a comforting shoulder.</p><p>Another sob escaped Cinder, her breathing becoming difficult with emotions and frigid air. She wanted it all to be a lie— a dream. But sometimes the worst nightmares are reality.</p><p>A hand cupped the back of Cinder's head gently. An arm wrapped itself around her small frame with ease. "Hey, shhh," the voice said. "Someday it won't hurt so bad."</p><p>"Why can't it stop hurting now?" Cinder sobbed. "Why can't I forget?" Cinder squeezed her eyes shut forcefully, letting tears wet her cheeks. "I want to forget. I want to forget it so bad. Why can't I just forget it all?" Cinder moaned with the mental agony. "<em>Why?</em>"</p><p>Burned fingers brushed against Cinder's face, but they weren't her own. She pulled back and stared into the face of her comfort; the one who would always be there for her; the only one who understood her and every messed up piece that had created her.</p><p>"Why, Kai?"</p><p>Soft brown eyes flecked with gold gazed into Cinder's soul. His face was alight with the setting sun, making it look as though he were on fire. The thought sent a shiver down Cinder's spine.</p><p>The reality of Kai burning was something that haunted Cinder in every moment of silence. The resounding three words of adoration had been his downfall— the flames, his screaming, his death. Every night Cinder would envision Kai, everso sincere, being corrupted by flames. She would hear his pleas for help, but she was of no use. Her body would become paralyzed. Cinder would watch the boy with the copper eyes, her savior of the flames, disintegrate into nothing but ashes.</p><p>"Because you loved her," Kai whispered lovingly. A lazy, adorable smile spread across heavens crowned angel. "Because she was your mom."</p><p>"But she was a monster." Cinder's voice didn't quaver with the truth. One of many confirmations to her statement sat before her, scars and all. "You think she was terrible as- as that <em>thing</em>, but she was an awful mother."</p><p>Cinder felt the world closing in around her. The sky was a blur of fire and smoke. Everything was spinning in sickening loops about Cinder. Nothing made sense. Nothing made sense. Nothing existed in this world of hellfire and smoke. Nothing was good or pure. Nothing— except Kai.</p><p>The earth stopped spinning, and now the only thing that existed was Kai. He was the boy who saved her from the flames and cared for her in her darkest hours. He was the boy who had intentionally sacrificed himself for her. He was the boy who died in the graveyard, only to be rescued by paramedics. He was the boy who was burned for life. He was the boy who matched her identically with scars. He was the boy who made her broken pieces whole again.</p><p>And suddenly, Cinder was no longer angry at her mother, but at Kai. He had no right to love someone so corrupt and terrible as her. He was intended for greatness, yet he chose defilement. And now Cinder was no longer angry, but sad.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Cinder whispered, placing her hands against Kai's chest to give them space. She felt regret. Why did she have to be the demonic other half to the most angelically wonderful being to ever grace the earth? Kai didn't deserve such an injustice. He could hold the world in his hands, but all he wanted was her. The idea simply baffled Cinder to her very core.</p><p>Kai listed his head to the side. Snow caught on his eyelashes and in his hair like ash. "What for?"</p><p>Cinder couldn't fathom how one could be so breathtakingly beautiful and not care in the slightest. His face was one of the only parts of his body not scarred by the flames of the past, and still he was nothing but elegance.</p><p>"For everything."</p><p>"But I'm not." Kai croaked, not missing a beat. "If I had to do it all over again just to be sitting in this graveyard with you, I would."</p><p>Had more romantic words ever been spoken? Cinder hardly had any time to consider the dauntless statement before her guilt overcame her.</p><p>"I just wish you had never gotten hurt." Cinder looked to the ground, dropping her hands from Kai's chest. "Nothing has ever hurt as bad as when you stopped breathing. Nothing, Kai."</p><p>"Hey," Kai mumbled, bringing his hand to the back of her neck. "I'm okay now. I'm breathing again."</p><p>A single tear slipped down Cinder's face. "B-but when you weren't, it... it scared me." Cinder heaved a huge shuddering sigh. "It scared me more than with Ran and Peony. With you, you knew the cost, and you did it. I knew, and I let it happen. Stars, I let you sacrifice yourself and didn't even try to stop you."</p><p>"You would have tried to stop me, Cinder. Aces, what <em>I</em> did was cruel." Kai looked tired, his eyes opening and closing slowly. He looked an inch from sleep— from death. "But I love you," Kai said the words with immense glee. "Selene Channary Blackburn, I love you, and being burned alive just to say those words to you is a worthy price."</p><p>Cinder smiled adoringly at Kai. He was the one and only constant in her life. His presence had brought her nothing but peace and love. He had given her friends, a new life, a new name even. He could calm her from any frenzy.</p><p>"Are you sure you still want to marry me after all the trouble I've given you?" Cinder asked, slightly bashful.</p><p>"As sure as the sun in the sky." Kai whispered.</p><p>"That's pretty sure." Cinder said breathily.</p><p>"And," Kai leaned in to kiss Cinder gently. "I'll love you until the end of forever."</p><p>Cinder giggled, placing a sloppy kiss on Kai's cheek. "What about when the monsters come back and try to take me away."</p><p>"Then I'll save you from them." Kai stated simply, his eyes alight with joy.</p><p>"But what if you can't find me?" Cinder teased, but Kai became serious.</p><p>The air around them condensed into a blizzard of emotions and snow. Kai stared into Cinder's eyes with the intensity that could only be harnessed from the sun. Cinder gazed right back, and could see the whole universe within his eyes. He was the prince of dawn, and she was the daughter of unholy sunsets. Their meeting was forbidden, but the most righteous thing to ever glance upon the earth. Their love was that of the most brilliant days and the darkest of nights. Everything earth had to offer attempted to rip them apart, yet they were the only things keeping each other together.</p><p>Kai's eyes softened, as if he had just seen everything that Cinder had within his eyes. He smiled at her with love and warmth, and Cinder knew that he was the one. The only one.</p><p>"Then set the world on fire."</p><p>"Why?" Cinder asked.</p><p>"So I can find you, and help you fight the monsters." Kai answered simply.</p><p>Cinder considered his proposition for a moment. "But what about the earth?"</p><p>"What about it?" Kai listed his head to one side in contemplation.</p><p>"If I set the world on fire, it will burn up, turn to ash." Cinder whined. "The world will end."</p><p>"Then I'll love you until then." Kai promised.</p><p>"And when is that, exactly?" Cinder asked, a frown forming at the corners of her lips. Kai's cheeks dimpled with a sweet smile. He looked like an angel with snow as his halo and a brilliant sunset for wings. His voice was confident and final as he told her the deadline of their love.</p><p>"<em>When earth turns to ashes.</em>"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Bonus: A World Unknown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This takes place immediately after the last chapter (The Dawn of Human Suffering). Like literally exactly at the end, you can read them side by side if you want. Anyways, enjoy Cinder panicking over Kai's suffering and inability to keep living.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>No</em>," Cinder whimpered, her eyes going wide. Only a moment before she had been crying over her mother's death, but now a new kind of horror filled her. <em>What had happened to Kai?</em></p><p>"Cinder," Cress urged, grabbing onto her friend and pulling her. Her hands cut into her bare pink skin, causing pain to sear up Cinder's arm— but she hardly felt it. All she could think about was Kai, and what he had done.</p><p>Kai, who had said her name, followed by the three words that meant only death. Kai, who had burst into flames and crumpled to the ground. The boy who had saved her, but at the cost of his own life.</p><p>"<em>Kai!</em>" Cinder cried, pushing herself off the ground, only to fall over. She wasn't used to having one and a half legs, and she had forgotten to grab her crutches. Cress thrust them at her, then grabbed for Cinder.</p><p>The pair dragged themselves out of the snow and rushed as fast as they could towards the huddle of bodies a few hundred yards away. Cinder could barely see them through the haze of snow falling and the clouds above. But somehow, the whiteness of their surroundings seemed to make everything brighter.</p><p>Cress reached them first, with Cinder trailing far behind. By the time that Cinder made it to the mass of people, Thorne was listening intently to the instructions on the emergency line and sirens could be heard faintly in the distance.</p><p>Iko was above Kai, gingerly peeling away the remains of his clothing from his vibrant red skin. She was whispering words that Cinder couldn't hear or tell whether they were for herself or Kai.</p><p>Cinder slunk down beside Kai, taking hold of his burned hand. She felt her own new and raw skin sting in sympathy. But while her burns had been horrible, she didn't think that they could compare in the slightest to Kai's. His entire body had been scorched up to his face, which had been left nearly untouched. Every inch of him was a massive blister; Cinder ached to look at him.</p><p>"Should I put some snow on him, or-or something?" Cinder asked Iko, reaching her fingers out to touch the icy ground.</p><p>"No," Iko said without a second of hesitation, her concentration never straying from the task at hand. "Snow will only worsen the damage. Even cold water would— the burns are too severe. The most that I can do is remove these clothes from his skin so they won't stick to the wounds and so the paramedics can work as quickly as possible."</p><p>Cinder nodded her head, despite the fact that not one person there was looking at her. She scooted her body up and towards Cress who was holding Kai's head. She watched as the blonde cradled his head, whispering words of comfort, and for him to stay strong, whilst stroking her fingers against his cheeks.</p><p>The sirens in the distance were growing louder and louder, like a desperate cry in the night. Cinder began to shiver— but not from the cold.</p><p>"Kai," Cress whispered, touching his face gingerly with her frozen fingers. He made no sound in response. Actually, he made no indication whatsoever to express that he was alive.</p><p>Cinder breathed out a puff of white, her heart seeming to stop as she watched for a similar puff to escape Kai's mouth. A breath of air, or a rise and fall of his burned chest. Some small indication that he was in fact still with them.</p><p>But nothing came.</p><p>"Kai," Cinder's voice cracked and she reached out for him. The sirens were crying a lonely howl into the night. "Kai," Cinder repeated, touching his face and silently begging him to wake up.</p><p>"No," Cinder heard Iko whisper. She watched as the nurse's eyes went wide and her hands reached up to Kai's neck. Cinder stared in horror as Iko felt for a pulse. She watched her friend shift her fingers from Kai's neck down to his bare and burned chest.</p><p>The sirens howled louder, and Cress screamed something as to their nearing approach. Something about the lights upon the sky— but Cinder couldn't piece the words together. All she could think about was that there were white puffs coming out of her mouth and none coming from Kai.</p><p>"Kai," Cinder sputtered, as Iko let out a string of curses. She couldn't believe it. She would not believe it. He could not be dead— he was Kai. He was Kai, who had sat next to her hospital bed, and talked to her, and been there for her when she didn't have a single friend in the entire world. He was<em> her</em> Kai, who had saved her from fire, and burned for her to save her soul.</p><p>"<em>Kai!</em>" Cinder cried, reaching for Kai, only to be shoved away by Iko.</p><p>Cinder fell hard against the ground, slamming her head on a patch of ice, though it hardly stopped the panic bubbling out of her. Kai had sacrificed himself for her, and now his heart had stopped. His heart had stopped. <em>His heart had stopped.</em></p><p>She had felt a lot of things about Kai over the past few days, from liking him, to almost loving him, to hating him. She had wanted to never see him again but the day before— now she knew that she could never live without him. If he did not live— well, she didn't even want to think about what she would do if he didn't live. Because he <em>had to </em>live.</p><p>Sitting up, Cinder looked over at Kai, and saw Iko's lips locked onto his. She dragged herself over to the pair, as Iko started up compressions against Kai's chest, fast and crackling. Cinder felt her whole body ache as she listened to the cracking sounds Iko's hands were causing to reverberate out of Kai.</p><p>"Kai, Kai, I-I... please wake up," Cinder shivered, grasping onto Kai's hand. "<em>Kai!</em>" Cinder cried, gingerly brushing his burned fingers with her own.</p><p>The sirens were loud, but suddenly, Cinder couldn't hear them. She couldn't hear anything, save for her own breathing, and the lack of Kai's own. Nothing in the entire world existed in that moment. Kai was dead. His heart had stopped, and he wasn't going to wake up. Kai was dead, and it was all Cinder's fault.</p><p>Cinder lunged for Kai, to cover his body with her own and shelter him from the world and its horrors, but a pair of arms grabbed her from behind. She screamed and thrashed, the reality of the world finally catching up with her in one heart wrenching moment. Kai was dead. He was dead. <em>He was dead.</em></p><p>"NO!" Cinder screamed, her voice lost in the sound of sirens surrounding the party. Red and blue lights flashed all about, filling the sky and its whiteness with a dancing show of lights.</p><p>"<em>KAI!</em>" Cinder continued to screech, thrashing about in Thorne's grasp. He tried to whisper— or perhaps yell— into Cinder's ear. He was probably trying to say words that would bring her comfort, or calm her down. But there was nothing in the world that could bring her peace at the moment.</p><p>She continued to scream his name, and her pleas for him to stay— sounding much like her mother from only minutes before. <em>Had it only been minutes? </em>Somehow it felt as if it had been ages since her mother had screamed and cried. <em>Like mother, like daughter.</em></p><p>Paramedics swarmed around the group, immediately honing in on Kai and settling him on a gurney with Iko's help. Within seconds he was loaded up and carted away, the white truck screaming into the night.</p><p>A woman came over to Cinder, her face grave and serious as she took her in. She tried to calm Cinder down, but she could not be calmed. Her world was ending, and she wanted the world to hear her cries of injustice.</p><p>
  <em>It should have been her. She should have been the one to die by flames. She should be the one who could no longer breathe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She would have been the one choked by flames. It should have been her— but Kai had saved her. He had saved her from the wreckage of that blasted car. He had saved her, not knowing that she would only bring about his own doom.</em>
</p><p>Cinder began to sob hysterically, all the fight within her suddenly draining into an unending supply of sorrow. She felt her body sag with the emotion, and tears trace down her cheeks.</p><p>Thorne's arms released their hold upon her, and Cinder slumped to the ground, unable to hold herself up. Her heart was truly broken— more broken that it had been when her mother had abandoned her. It was more mournful that it had been at Ran's demise, and somehow, more pained than it had been at Peony's death.</p><p>She had lost everything before she met Kai; nothing in the world had meant a thing to her. All that was once hers had been taken from her, and she had despised the world.</p><p>But then he had come, with his heroic air, and his kindness, and he had somehow made her feel alive again. He had given back her humanity.</p><p>And now he was gone.</p><p>So Cinder sobbed, curling her body in upon itself until she hoped that it no longer existed. She cried and she cried and she cried, her entire body shaking and throbbing and feeling absolutely nothing at all.</p><p>Paramedics swarmed around her, attempting to coax her out of the insanity that she now lived in, but nothing could draw her out. They then tried to pull her up onto a gurney, but she screamed and clawed at them, cursing them and the world, and begging them to simply let her die where she was. It would hurt much less to die than continue living.</p><p>Eventually, someone stuck her with a needle that did nothing but to tickle Cinder's arm. She immediately felt a sleepy haze fill her, drawing her into the arms of death's meaner cousin, sleep.</p><p>"Kai," Cinder muttered one last time, her heart aching with the word. She thought of the boy who owned that name, and his eyes— the ones that she had somehow seen through a sheen of fire. She remembered him calling to her from a world unknown— a world of the living. She recalled the gaze, so full of concern.</p><p>And it was with the memory of the boy's brilliant copper eyes, that she finally slipped into nothingness.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Bonus: Okay Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kai wakes up in the Hospital and Cinder is there.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kai’s eyes sprang open, met with a white ceiling and blinding lights. He immediately closed them, cursing Thorne for whatever prank he had pulled this time. Had he put a spotlight above Kai’s bed? For stars sake, his head was pounding. Though perhaps that wasn’t entirely due to whatever light fixture resided over Kai’s head. It felt more internal.</p>
<p>In times past, Thorne had put red plastic cups on Kai’s floor while he slept and, one time, had even saran wrapped him to the bed. (He was a heavy sleeper.) But this light was less funny and more painful.</p>
<p>“Kai?” Asked a voice beside him. He knew he recognized it, though he couldn’t understand why. It was the voice of a girl, and, as far as Kai knew, his only friends were Thorne and his father.</p>
<p>A spike of fear shot through him. What was a girl doing <em>in his room?</em></p>
<p>Slowly, he peeked his eyes open again, opening just one in this girl’s direction. He saw brown hair, a pale face and the most concerned pair of eyes he had ever seen. The instant he saw her, everything flooded back to him. The three words whispered. The lightning bolt of fire. The pain. The nothingness. He had thought that he would die.</p>
<p>Apparently not.</p>
<p>“Cinder?” Kai gasped, trying to pull himself into a sitting position, but crying out as a new wave of pain hit him.</p>
<p>Cinder immediately rose from her seat, slightly unsteady on just one foot, placing her hands on Kai’s shoulders. She gently eased him back down against the mattress.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she scolded, though not unkindly. “Take it easy. You did die just a couple days ago.” She sounded as though she were trying not to cry, but her mouth was set in a firm line. Kai wanted to reach out to her— to touch her— but his entire body felt like… well, he wasn’t sure. But it definitely didn’t feel good.</p>
<p>"Water?" Kai asked, voice scraggly. Cinder nodded her head and grabbed a hospital cup with the largest straw known to mankind from a hospital tray. She held it up to his lips and he swallowed greedily until his mouth no longer felt like sandpaper.</p>
<p>“I died?” Kai asked, turning his head on the pillow as Cinder sat back down in the plastic chair. He had a strange déjà vu moment as Cinder looked down at him from the chair. Except, it had once been he who had watched carefully.</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Cinder, voice cracking. “When you were an idiot and told me that you loved me, my mother sent a bolt of fire down upon you. Almost your entire body is burned, though, lucky for you, it’s not all that bad. Of course there will be scaring and such, but Thorne and Cress were able to put you out pretty fast. Apparently your heart stopped due to the bolt sent directly at it.” Her nose scrunched in an almost painful way. “I don’t really understand how it worked. But within minutes, your heart went into arrest and then… then…” Cinder covered her face.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Kai hushed, reaching for her despite the pain that coursed through his being. He didn’t know why he cared so much for her. He barely knew her, for crying in a bucket. But he loved her. He had scars enough to prove that love— scars that he would never denounce. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who decided to screw with the plan. I made my bed, and you know what? It’s not too shabby.”</p>
<p>Cinder let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob, but she drew her hands away from her face. Her expression was kind, but she looked absolutely exhausted— as if she hadn’t slept for days. It didn’t help that she still wore bandages on her own person from her little tryst with fire just a few weeks before. Boy, were they one flaming hot couple.</p>
<p>“Why did you do it?” Cinder asked, her voice barely above a whisper.</p>
<p>“Make my bed?”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean.”</p>
<p>Kai released a sigh. “Because– I don’t know. I guess I realized that we could all very well die that night, and I couldn’t die without you knowing that I was in love with you. The real you. The you that is haunted and ghosted and troubled. I needed to say it.”</p>
<p>“You could have told me that without using my name— without summoning her. You could have let Cress do it and–”</p>
<p>“Cinder,” Kai cut her off, feeling rather sheepish. “I couldn’t let Cress do it. Not after everything I did— everything I put you through. I just had to do it.”</p>
<p>Cinder averted her gaze, looking down at the scuffed toe of her shoe. There were crutches beneath her chair, cold and gray. The doctors had already fitted her for a prosthetic, but Cinder didn’t much like it— or at least, she didn’t as far as Kai knew. But it hadn’t even been a month since Cinder’s accident. There were wounds to heal and time for things to change.</p>
<p>“You really scared me.” Kai watched as a strand of hair fell from her ponytail and she brushed it back with a partially bandaged hand. “They said that your heart stopped and I just…” She glanced up, tears in her eyes. “It was like Ran and Peony all over again. It was all my fault.”</p>
<p>“But it wasn’t,” Kai said, brow furrowed. His head pounded, but he didn't want Cinder to leave him. “You didn’t ask me to help you. I inserted myself into this situation. You bear no blame.”</p>
<p>“But I do,” Cinder choked, pressing a hand to her cheek. Her face was flushed and her eyes red, but she somehow managed to still look like an angel. “I should never have told you about any of it. I knew the risks, and yet…”</p>
<p>“Look at me,” Kai said. When Cinder didn’t meet his gaze, he tilted his head to the side. “Look at me, Cinder.” She looked, though with a sadness he could hardly comprehend.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. My heart stopped, sure. But it’s working again. I’m alive and breathing. And I’m glad that of all the people I could wake up from death to, it’s <em>you</em>.” He smiled at her, and through her tears, she smiled back. “I’m sorry for what I did, but I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t change a thing.”</p>
<p>Cinder stood from her chair, leaning heavily on her crutches. She swiped at her cheeks, head bent low as she spoke. “I’m gonna go tell your dad and Thorne and everyone else that you’re awake. I probably should have done that first, but–” Cinder bit her lip. “Oh well.”</p>
<p>She walked to the door, and Kai felt panic begin to rise from within him. He couldn’t let her leave him— he didn’t want to live a second without her.</p>
<p>“Cinder,” Kai called out, somewhat breathless. His mind scrambled for something to say— anything that would allow her to stay for just another moment. “What did you tell my father?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Cinder closed her eyes in that way people only do when they’re ridiculously embarrassed, as if looking at the world would mean to face unending mockery. She leaned forward, brow furrowed. “Well, you see, Thorne was the one who called him.” Kai immediately felt a twinge in his chest, knowing this would be anything other than good. “And, uh, he told him that we were having a bonfire and you tripped and fell in.”</p>
<p>“What?” Kai asked, astounded. “And he believed it?”</p>
<p>“Well, not really,” Cinder chuckled. “The falling into a fire stuff, yes. But the bonfire in a graveyard is something that he didn’t find particularly plausible. Then he gave Thorne a good, long look and suddenly seemed to find it somewhat easier to believe. I don't know. You'll probably get grilled on it soon enough.”</p>
<p>“Stars above.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Cinder muttered, her eyes nearly rolling out of her head.</p>
<p>And in that moment, with their shared exasperation at Thorne, everything felt okay again. They had both done things that they regretted, but they would move past it. All would be well once more. Kai felt himself relax against the pillows.</p>
<p>“Hey, Cinder,” Kai said.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I meant it, back in the graveyard. I– I–”</p>
<p>“I love you, too,” Cinder whispered, quiet enough that Kai wondered if he had heard her correctly. Her eyes darted up for a moment, and she shot him a shy smile. Then, without another word, she turned and hobbled out of the room, leaving Kai speechless behind her. Cinder could burn the world to nothing and he would never stop being amazed by her. He would never stop watching her with awe in his eyes and love in his heart. And that was perfectly okay with him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Bonus: Last Name</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eight months after The Dawn of Human Suffering.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cinder released an enormous sigh, turning over so she rested on her back. She was at the Crown’s house— or really, mansion— to visit Rikan with Kai for Labor Day weekend. The place was surprisingly cosy despite the large spaciousness of it, and Cinder had found herself resting on an enormous couch with a view of the backyard. She could see assorted fruit trees and a worn, rusted water fountain. It was beautiful and serene, but Cinder’s heart felt tumultuous.</p><p>She stared up at the ceiling, willing the blank white canvas to make a decision for her, but it made no response to her silent pleas.</p><p>Over eight months had passed since she had banished her mother to the Gray Realm— eight months since Kai had died. They had both had long recoveries ahead of them, filled with skin grafting and physical therapy. But everything had turned out alright. They were alive and together, and that was all Cinder needed.</p><p>It was strange to her how fast her life had changed. In almost no time at all she’d gone from being a girl with no friends, living a life of constant loneliness and despair to having an outpouring of love in her life. It was almost overwhelming at times. She had never before been so well-cared for.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>Cinder turned her gaze from the ceiling and found Kai standing in the doorway. She wasn’t entirely sure what one would call the room she currently occupied (she wasn’t up to date on snobby rich people terms), but there was a marvelous grand piano in the corner and a bookshelf full of sheet music. The two red velvet couches in the room resided adjacent to the marvelous instrument.</p><p>“Mhmm,” Cinder hummed as Kai sat down beside her feet. He pulled her legs— both the real one and the prosthetic— into his lap, pinching her toes softly despite her socks. She closed her eyes, reveling in his touch.</p><p>“How was the business call?” Cinder asked, reaching to the back of her head and pulling the elastic out of her hair. It was a complete mess of brown tangles, but she didn’t particularly care. It went well with the old baggy t-shirt and gray sweatpants she had borrowed from Kai.</p><p>“Oh, you know, just chummy,” Kai said. He heaved a great sigh. “It’s just all the same stuff, y’know?” He bit his lower lip in contemplation, and Cinder couldn’t help but draw closer to him.</p><p>He had often expressed his frustrations with the company with her— something that he had never done with anyone else aside from Thorne. Not even Kai’s father knew his own disdain for the business, and while Cinder had encouraged him to tell him, Kai had never taken her advice. It was the family duty after all; something that Cinder would never understand.</p><p>Cinder settled herself beside Kai, wrapping her arms around his middle and placing her head on his shoulder. His body curled to meet hers, pulling her closer despite his nice dress clothes. She breathed him in, smiling at the distinctly Kai scent of laundry detergent and chocolate cereal.</p><p>“Enough about my troubles,” Kai said, brushing Cinder’s hair back from her face. “What’s got you down? You’ve got that distracted-but-not-in-a-good-way look on your face. Is something up?”</p><p>There was an edge of fear in his voice— something that Cinder despised. She knew that it was just his concern for her and her wellbeing, but the fact that he had reason to be cautious around such a subject made her heart ache in a way she couldn’t explain. If only she were simply the girl he had saved from the fire, rather than also being the one whose ghost mother had killed him.</p><p>“I want to change my name,” Cinder said.</p><p>Kai furrowed his brow, his lips twisting. “I know Thorne teases you about having the name Cinder and having been burned alive a lot, but–”</p><p>“My last name,” Cinder corrected. “And my legal name is still Selene, you know. Selene Linh. But I just, I don’t know. I hate every time I get mail and it says ‘Selene Linh’ or I go to the doctor and have to write that down as my name. It just feels wrong. That’s not who I am.”</p><p>Kai nodded his head, his eyes alighting on a tree out the window. He had a far off look on his face that Cinder couldn’t quite understand— as if he were thinking back on a distant memory. She had never been one to dwell on the past; she had no reason to, for her past was filled with little joy and innumerable cruelties.</p><p>“Do you… do you think it’s a bad idea?” Cinder asked, somewhat agitated. Though Kai was her boyfriend and, as far as she knew, the love of her life, she didn’t think he should have much say in this matter.</p><p>“No,” Kai said, the word coming out too fast. He turned his attention back to her, gifting her one of his most heart-stopping smiles. “What names are you thinking?”</p><p>“That’s the thing I can’t seem to decide on,” Cinder admitted, easing back once more. “I could become a Blackburn again, though I don’t particularly want to. That’s another name I want left in the past. Maha offered me the Kesley name, but I don’t feel comfortable with that one either.”</p><p>In the months since Cinder had banished the ghost of her mother, she’d regained contact with the Kesley family, and even gone out to visit them once. It had been bittersweet, but her old foster parents and even their other son had been kind to her. It was more than she felt she didn't deserve after all she’d done, but the new bond between them gave her soul some sense of peace over the matter.</p><p>Cinder heaved a great sigh, burying her face in Kai’s shirt. There was a faint scent of cologne close to his neck, but only enough that Cinder could catch the memory of it. That was one more thing she loved about Kai: his frugal use of cologne— unlike Thorne.</p><p>“The problem is,” Cinder murmured into his shirt. “Is that I want to change it, but I just don’t know what I want to change it to, you know? Maybe I should just close my eyes and scroll down a list or something.”</p><p>“Gah, don’t do that.” Kai brushed his fingers against her cheek, and Cinder’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Even after months of being together, she still couldn’t get over the thrill of simply being touched by him. “You could end up with a name like Smith or Johnson or something equally as boring.”</p><p>Cinder scrunched her nose. “I would still have veto power. It’s not like I’d automatically go with whatever I chose. But you know… if there was something cool. If it felt right.”</p><p>“Or,” Kai said, drawing out the word in a way that a child would pull apart taffy. “You could, um, change your last name to something like…”</p><p>She waited for him to continue, but when he didn’t, she urged him on. “Something like?”</p><p>“You could always change it to Crown.” The words spilled from his mouth with the speed and nervousness of a hummingbird’s wings.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I mean,” Kai spluttered. “If you want to. You would have the alliteration thing going for you, which is always a lot of fun. But that’s only if you keep the name Cinder–”</p><p>“Slow down,” Cinder cut in. She pulled herself into a sitting position, looking down on Kai and his flustered eyes and red cheeks. “Crown is your last name.”</p><p>“I know that.”</p><p>“But you want it to be my last name?”</p><p>“It was more of an offer for it to be your last name than anything else,” Kai said, a mischievous glint in his eyes as all his nerves seemed to leave him. He sat up, pushing himself to the end of the couch. “Well, actually, it was more of a <em>proposal</em>.”</p><p>Cinder’s jaw dropped, unable to comprehend the words that had just come from her boyfriend’s mouth. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Great stars above, she had seen her ghost mother send bolts of fire at her most cherished loved ones, yet somehow the words coming out of Kai’s mouth managed to astonish her into speechlessness.</p><p>“I think I messed that up,” Kai said, a shadow of doubt converging across his features. He scratched behind his ear, something that Cinder had come to recognize as a nervous tick. “Can I start over again?”</p><p>When Cinder said nothing, Kai took in a deep breath and began once more. “Cinder,” he said, his copper eyes fastened on hers with the shining brilliance of the moon in a black sky. “I love you. And I will love you no matter what your name is. Whether you’re Cinder Linh or Kesley or even Smith.” He made a face. “Change your name to whatever you desire, and I will still love you. You are not a name, but a heart and soul— and my heart and soul fell for yours far too long ago and far too hard for me to ever go back.”</p><p>Cinder felt her eyes burn as Kai delivered his speech to her, his words flowing with the earth-shattering eloquence of a siren’s song, leaving Cinder wanting only more. She could have drowned in the soft stream of Kai’s words and felt nothing but ecstasy.</p><p>“I know we haven’t known each other long— not even a year. But I don’t think time makes a difference in matters of the heart. I love you, and want to marry you. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. If you want my last name in return, take it. It’s yours as much as I am.”</p><p>“Kai,” Cinder whispered, searching his eyes for something— anything that betrayed his words. She found only the earnestness of his soul. She stared at him until a smile crept up his cheeks. He placed a hand on her face, his thumb brushing lightly against her nose. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Laughter burst forth from Kai, surprising Cinder. She didn’t find the situation particularly funny.</p><p>“What?” She asked.</p><p>“Yes, of course,” Kai responded, bumping his forehead against hers. “It’s just that you always ask me that question whenever I’m trying to make any sort of move on you.”</p><p>“You’re making a move on me?” Cinder drawled, half joking and half not.</p><p>“I did kind of just ask you to marry me,” Kai said, nibbling on his lower lip.</p><p>Cinder rolled her eyes. “I don’t actually recall you ever asking me that question.”</p><p>“Oh, my bad,” Kai said, red coloring his cheeks. He drew away from Cinder, and she instantly regretted her sarcasm. She wanted for him to come back to her— to touch her and hold her once more.</p><p>He knelt down on the floor in front of Cinder and took her hand. He was smiling that almost goofy grin of his as he looked up at her. Sometimes she couldn’t believe that he was still a part of her life. After everything that she had put him through, it would have been reasonable for him to leave. But Kai had never been a reasonable man.</p><p>“Cinder?” Kai asked. A black lock of hair fell into his eyes and Cinder brushed it back with careful fingers. He snatched her hand from his face and held fast to both her hands. “I don’t really know what I’m doing, but with you, I never have. So Cinder, insert your last name of choice, will you marry me?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>It was strange how the word slipped out of her mouth without her even thinking about it— there was no need for her to. For if there was one thing in this world that she was certain about, it was her love for Kai.</p><p>She pulled his face toward hers and kissed him. It felt much like their first kiss, except the flames had come early, dancing within her heart as she reveled in the idea of being his forever. She was a girl with no home and no last name— a girl once cursed to wander the earth alone for all eternity. But she had love; and in the end, that counted for more than anything else in the world.</p><p> </p>
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